


Crossfade

by PrisLit



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Music, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Atlanta, Band Fic, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Related, Cuddling & Snuggling, Daddy Issues, Drama, Drama & Romance, Drunk Sex, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Guitars, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love, Modern Era, Mother-Son Relationship, Music, Musicians, Oral Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Solo family drama, Vaginal Fingering, anger issues, musician kylo/ben
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-03-20 18:47:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 53,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13723794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrisLit/pseuds/PrisLit
Summary: Small-town girl Rey moves to Atlanta to fulfill her dream of making it big in the music production industry. She becomes an apprentice sound tech at a music studio where she begins to build her career, as well as a new life for herself.When Rey meets Kylo Ren, lead guitarist of local band Starkiller, she can’t help but be intrigued. He’s rich, handsome, and talented, and he has his sights set on Rey. Kylo shows Rey all the finer things in life — things she never had growing up as a poor kid in the Nevada desert. Rey soon finds out, however, that money can’t buy happiness as she begins to see the dark side of Kylo’s seemingly perfect life.When things go from bad to worse and Starkiller’s debut album is in jeopardy, will Rey be able to save the music, as well as save Kylo Ren from himself?--------------------Visit me on tumblr @ http://tickle-me-kylo.tumblr.comSo very many thanks to jabberwockyface for her utterly perfect art work!Much Reylo love to my tumblr beta readers: helloimindelaware, seducedbykylo, crazytxgradstudent, and swtfa-reynExtra special love to my partner in Kylo/Adam crime, comedy-lobotomy





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is rated mature for language and adult situations. This fic will eventually include references to recreational alcohol and drug use, and non-explicit sexual situations.
> 
> \----------------------
> 
> This story, at its heart, is about music. I wanted to share with my readers some of the music that I listened to as I wrote this fic, as well as the songs that inspired Starkiller, and the personalities of and relationships between the characters. You will see, as you read, interactive links that will allow you to listen to certain songs that are pertinent and important to the mood or section of the story that follows the link. I have included several media choices when available, so that hopefully everyone reading will have access.

_Listen to: The Package - A Perfect Circle --[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/48ZqiKc9qMhrOTMctjwYOw) | [YouTube](https://youtu.be/cqJJwv_Caaw) (right-click and choose "open in new tab" so you won't lose your place here!) _

An unusually bright moon reflected off the deep, shimmering black finish of the sports car as it rounded a curve at breakneck speed. The tires protested with a high-pitched wail, which given the luxury suspension of the expensive vehicle was an indication of just how far it’s limits were being pushed. The sleek, sharp lines of the automobile seemed to blur as it twisted and careened down the city street, the Atlanta skyline tall and bright behind it. The car came to an abrupt and screeching halt in front of a high rise building, forcing the valet to take a step back. The engine silenced, and the attendant opened the driver’s side door.

“How are you this evening, sir?” he said, but received no reply. The driver of the vehicle gracefully exited the car, an impressive feat given his long legs and broad shoulders. Without a word, he threw the keys at the valet, causing the man to juggle them between hands for a moment to keep from dropping them. As the driver walked towards the building’s entrance, the passenger side door of the sports car swung open and a girl appeared. Nearly falling to the pavement as she stepped out, she caught her footing and trotted towards the entrance, her inebriated gait made more odd by the extremely high heels she wore.

“Wait up, baby!” she called, nearly catching up to her male companion just as he stepped inside the building. Since he did not bother to hold the door open for the girl, it shut abruptly in her face. Seemingly unaffected nor surprised, she pulled open the door and scampered inside, wrapping herself around his left arm as he walked by the large concierge desk.

“Sir. Ma’am.” The concierge acknowledged with a nod of his head towards the couple. Neither responded as they walked to the long bay of elevators. As they boarded a car headed up, the girl giggled and chattered at the man, still gripping tightly at his arm. He remained silent and expressionless as if he were alone as the elevator doors slid shut.

“The Mighty Kylo Ren has finally arrived!” a voice shouted when the couple walked through the door. “Where the hell have you been, man?”

The girl released the arm of her companion and stumbled off towards the bathroom. Kylo didn’t even acknowledge her departure as he headed towards a group of people lounging in front of a massive floor-to-ceiling window at the back of the room.

The penthouse apartment was vast and modern with unfinished ceilings that revealed metal architectural beams and piping. The concrete floors were covered with contemporary but expensive patterned rugs, but the lack of color was striking. White, black, and gray furniture and accents filled the massive open-concept space. Stark white gallery-like walls were covered in artwork and photos, and even those were colorless in their black-and-white composure. 

Three men and a woman sat conversing and laughing but when Kylo approached, they all immediately greeted him, bombarding him with a jumble of excited questions.

“What’d the old geezer say?” One of the men asked, his leg tossed over the arm of the sofa as he absentmindedly strummed a well loved acoustic guitar. The man seated to his left was reclining, long legs stretched out in front of him. His head was leaning on the shoulder of an impossibly tall woman, who was playfully running her fingers through his hair. On the floor, with his back propped against the wall, a slender red headed man tapped rhythmic sequences onto the coffee table with a set of drumsticks. He briefly glanced up, then back down again after catching Kylo’s eyes.

“Spill it, Ren” The woman said, nudging the man’s head off of her shoulder as she leaned forward, her eyes twinkling with excitement. “Are we in or not?”

Kylo Ren grabbed the leg of a nearby chair with his foot and slid it in front of the sofa with a sideways kick. He sat down with an audible sigh. He seemed thoughtful for a moment before he spoke, his thumb worrying the patch of dark hair on his chin.

“We have to finish the tracks.” He said, his voice deep, each word enunciated completely as they rolled off his tongue. His short answer was met immediately by groans of indignation.

“All of them?” The man with the guitar asked, incredulous.

Kylo nodded as he sat back, running a massive hand through dark and gently waving locks that fell nearly to his collar. “He wants the album complete and cut so that we can sell it with the merch. You know him. It’s about lining his fucking pocket. He wants his cut, and that album is his next meal ticket.”

There was a string of muffled curses and dismayed sighs.

“No, guys. it’s fine!” The woman said, waving her hands in front of her to quiet the rabble. It’s not that difficult. It just means you assholes won’t get to sleep until three o’clock in the afternoon until we get them done. Do you want to play at Music Midtown or not?”

“That’s TEN tracks, Faz.” Her companion exclaimed in her direction. “We’ve only completed recording eight, and mixed… Alex, how many are finished?”

“Four, maybe?” Alex, the acoustic guitar strummer replied. “Four and a half?”

“Fuck me.” The man next to him retorted, falling back against the woman as he rubbed the palms of his hands against his eyes.

“Later, darling.” She cooed in his ear, but then her mood shifted to irritation, and she kicked the back of his calf with her boot. “For fuck’s sake, Nathaniel, stop being so dramatic. I evidently don’t see the problem here?”

“Don’t call me Nathaniel, Fallon!” Her companion spat back, and a couple of their friends snickered at hearing the woman’s given name. “Actually, there are several problems, the biggest of which is studio time.”

“Nate’s right, Faz.” Kylo said to the woman. “To get this done, we’re going to have to find a studio that can work us in. It shouldn’t be a problem when they see the cash I’ll throw at them. I’m going to check out a couple of places tomorrow.”

A sudden loud noise took their attention away from the conversation. The girl that had accompanied Kylo when he arrived had found her way into the kitchen and was rifling through liquor bottles. Kylo glanced at the girl as he rose from his chair.

“I’m going to bed.” he told the group. “Hang out as long as you want. Oh, and Hux,” he said, looking at the man on the floor as he gestured towards the girl in the kitchen. “Take out my trash when you leave.”

_Listen to: Royals - Lorde --[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/2dLLR6qlu5UJ5gk0dKz0h3) | [YouTube](https://youtu.be/nlcIKh6sBtc) (right-click and choose "open in new tab" so you won't lose your place here!)_

“Fudge ripple!!” Rey exclaimed. The screwdriver she was using to tighten down the faceplate of the amp had slipped, and her knuckles had grazed the metal casing. She stuck them in her mouth and gave a mean side-eye to the young man sitting in a rolling chair next to her, who had let out an amused laugh at her expletive. The petite girl in his lap gave him a playful smack for laughing at their injured friend.

“Your f-bomb substitutes crack me up, Rey.” The young man said as he spun the chair two full rotations, making the girl in his lap giggle wildly.

“You ok, though?” the girl asked, “Need a Band-Aid?”

“No, it’s ok.” Rey said, patting the top of the repaired amp. “I’ve nicked my knuckles so many times they hardly even bleed anymore. But thanks for caring, Rose, unlike some people!” She shot a glance at the young man.

“Awwww!” Rose cooed, wrapping her arms around the man’s neck. “Finny cares! Don’t you, sweetie?”

“Mmm hmmm,” Finn replied, thoughtfully. “Ice cream.”

“What?” Both of the women exclaimed in unison, confused.

“Fudge ripple!” He replied. “It’s all I can think about now. Let’s go get ice cream! My treat.”

“I can’t just leave, Finn!” Rey said. She pushed the repaired amp towards him and sat cross-legged on the floor beside her friends. “I still have to fix the power switch on that spare soundboard and we have a new prospective client coming in today. If we land the job, the boss man is going to let me help with the recording and mixing!”

Artwork copyrighted 2018 [jaberwockyface on tumblr](https://jabberwockyface.tumblr.com/)  
[Click here to view full sized version](https://i.imgur.com/Pe9QjTL.jpg)

“But I wanted to say thank you for fixing my old hunk of junk!” Finn said, putting his feet up on the amp.

“I told you — free of charge. It wasn’t a hard fix really.” She reached over and grabbed the amp from beneath Finn and his feet dropped to the floor. “But if you don’t treat it with some respect, I’ll be fixing it again. And the next repair won’t be free!”

“We’ll still see you next weekend, right?” Rose asked, her eyes twinkling with excitement. Finn’s band, Rebel Scum, was playing a gig at a newly opened music venue in Little Five Points, one of the most popular, albeit eclectic, sections of Atlanta. Rose and Rey were the band’s biggest fans and supporters.

“Wouldn’t miss it for anything!” Rey exclaimed, holding up both of her hands for fist-bumps from her friends, which they happily gave.

“Now get the heck out before Mr. Walker gets here and I get fired and have to move in with you.” Rey said, rising from the floor and shooing Finn and Rose towards the door.

Finn suddenly spun around, nearly tripping over his own feet in the process. He grabbed the amp he had nearly forgotten by its handle and gave Rey a quick kiss on her cheek.

“Thank you!” He said with a smile, before taking Rose’s hand and exiting the recording studio.

_Listen to: Glycerine - Bush -[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/4vvCskWALjKcJaWqhx8ZxO) | [YouTube](https://youtu.be/hOllF3TgAsM) (right-click and choose "open in new tab" so you won't lose your place here!)_

Rey busied herself tidying up the control room before turning her attention to the sound board power switch project. It wasn’t necessarily her job to clean, but her boss Mr. Walker wasn’t exactly a neat freak, and the studio didn’t make enough money to hire a janitor. Besides, Rey loved her job and appreciated everything Mr. Walker had done for her — taking a chance on her, giving her a job and even allowing her to rent the small space above the studio for nearly nothing.

The old man, who had owned the small studio since the early 80s, was the ultimate rocker throwback. He loved nothing more than dropping the names of all the bands and singers he had worked with back in the day - Journey, REO Speedwagon, Madonna, Eric Clapton. He had even worked with one of Rey’s favorites, Stevie Nicks. Other people her age might have been bored by Mr. Walker’s tales but Rey always listened with a sense of awe. She supposed that was why Mr. Walker had become her mentor of sorts and had begun to teach her what he knew about recording, mixing and producing music.

Rey was having trouble getting access to the wires to the switch she was repairing. She turned slightly to her left to try and find a better angle and let out a frightened yelp, falling back against the wall beside her. A man was standing there, silently watching her work. She hadn’t heard him come in, and she immediately cursed herself for not locking the door after Finn and Rose left. The man had her backed into a corner so she couldn’t run and he was way too big to fight, so she opted for light humor instead.

“Hey! Sorry if I startled you!” Rey chimed with a nervous laugh. The man looked at her, eyebrows gently knitted, the slightest smile upturning the corner of his mouth, as if he were confused yet somewhat amused by the girl on the floor before him. Rey waited for some sort of reply, but received none. “Can I…. help you with something?”

“Kylo Ren.” He said in a voice that was low, yet crystal clear.

“What?” Rey asked, shaking her head slightly.

“I’m Kylo Ren.” The man said. His mood was beginning to shift from amused to annoyed. “Starkiller?” He asked, making the “r” at the end of the word trail off, as if he were waiting for Rey’s acknowledgement. When Rey continued to look at him blankly, he let out an exasperated breath. “I’m here to see Walker about studio time for my band.”

“Oh.” Rey finally replied. “Oh!” She scrambled up off the floor and stuck her hand out to Kylo as she looked up -- very up -- at him. “I’m so sorry about that. We weren’t expecting you until 11:30. My name is Rey, I’m the… I’m a… I work for Mr. Walker.” She suddenly realized that Kylo had not taken her hand, so she awkwardly balled up her fist and placed it back at her side. “Mr. Walker isn’t in yet, but I’m sure he’s on his way. He’s very excited to meet you!”

Rey stopped talking, and the silence that followed was deafening. Kylo stared at her, and Rey stared back. His dark eyes looked her over, and she quickly understood what it must feel like to be an animal in a cage at the zoo. He was observing her, analyzing her, his face mostly expressionless, save for a slight squinting of his eyes and that same nearly imperceptible smile at the corner of his mouth. He looked rather… curious.

Much to her own surprise, Rey found herself taken in by Kylo’s face. He was handsome, but in an unexpected way. Mostly every feature he had was too large for his face -- a sizable and slightly crooked nose, a wide mouth that displayed a set of very full lips and abundant ears, which poked out from beneath his long, dark hair. Loose, unkempt curls framed his face, curls that had either been produced by not bothering to brush them out when he got up that morning, or careful manipulation with expensive hair products. Even in the low light, an assortment of freckles and moles were evident, peppering the landscape of his face.

Rey noted an air of confidence, maybe even self-importance, coming off of him in waves. Normally, she would have found that off-putting, but with him, with Kylo, it seemed to fit somehow. There was something in his eyes that his ego could not hide, however. Not quite sadness, not quite pain. Loneliness? He spoke so suddenly and without warning that he startled Rey once again.

“I can wait.” he announced, and Rey breathed a slight sigh of relief. Red Five Music really needed this client and Rey would have felt like an idiot if she had run him off.

“Great!” Rey exclaimed but then realized that there wasn’t a lobby, a waiting area, or even an office in which she could seat Kylo while he waited. She motioned to the rolling chair that Finn and Rose had sat in earlier. “You can sit here if you’d like to. And can I offer you a soda, or… water… or…?”

“It’s fine.” Kylo replied, but continued to stand. “I’m fine.”

“Ooooh k.” Rey whispered. “I’m just going to…” she double-pointed her index fingers to the right, and side stepped back over to the soundboard. She picked up the soldering iron but she was so distracted by Kylo’s presence that she touched her finger to the hot surface.

“Son of a biscuit!” Rey murmured under her breath as she dropped the iron and waved her finger through the air. She glanced back at Kylo, hoping he hadn’t seen or heard her little display of incompetence. To her dismay, he was staring straight at her, an even more pronounced grin on his face. She gave the slightest of embarrassed laughs before turning back to her work, mentally kicking herself for looking like such an idiot in front of their new potential client.

“Rey? You here?” a voice bellowed from the back entrance. Rey let out a relieved sigh. Mr. Walker had arrived just in time to save her from committing more crimes of awkwardness.

“In here!” Rey called. Lucas Walker stepped into the studio. An older man, his gray hair and shaggy beard were both a bit too long, and his clothing was dated, but when he smiled at Rey, it was a warm and genuine smile.

“Sorry I’m running late.” Walker apologized. “Yet another tractor trailer managed to block nearly every lane on 285, so it…” he stopped talking and looked at Rey in confusion as she repeatedly motioned her head to the right. He finally turned to see Kylo standing, arms crossed, silently watching the pair, a bored expression on his face.

“Ah! You must be Kylo Ren!” Walker exclaimed. He offered his hand, which Rey noticed with some offence that Kylo shook. “I’m Lucas Walker, owner of Red Five Music. We’re so glad you came to check out our studio.” He reached up and clapped Kylo on the shoulder. “Come on, let me give you the tour, show you what we have to offer.”

Walker gave Rey a little wink as he took Kylo Ren out of the control room. She halfway continued to repair the switch on the soundboard, but her attention remained on Kylo. She watched through the large windows between the control room and the studio as the two men toured the space. Kylo didn’t bother to feign interest as Walker pointed to the gold records on the wall -- the albums he had helped record that had topped the charts. Rey couldn’t hear their conversation, but she watched their interaction. Kylo would ask a question, Walker would respond, and vice versa. Walker would laugh, say something clever but Kylo would only nod in response. He never laughed, or even smiled more than that slight annoyed-yet-amused grin that never seemed to leave his lips.

Suddenly, Kylo turned slightly, his gaze aimed right at Rey. Like an embarrassed school girl, she quickly looked back down at her work but she knew he had seen her watching him. She heard Kylo ask Walker something and Walker answer, their voices muffled and unintelligible through the glass. She wished she had thought to switch on the two-way intercom between the control room and studio. 

When Rey glanced back up, the two men were shaking hands again. Walker turned and lead Kylo towards the door, once again clapping the taller man on the shoulder. Rey watched as Kylo left, a bit upset she didn’t get to tell him goodbye and completely perplexed as to why that would upset her.

“Starkiller is booked!” Walker exclaimed when he re-entered the control room, holding both of his fists up in victory.

“Excellent!” Rey replied, but she wasn’t sure if she was actually excited that Red Five Music had a new client, or that she would soon be seeing Kylo Ren again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey confides in her friend Rose about the guy she met at the recording studio, but gets an unexpected reaction. Later that night, Rey receives a mysterious text from an unknown number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I hope you enjoy this update! Formatting text messaging is hard, y'all. I hope it makes sense.
> 
> Also - WOULD YOU RATHER ME POST MORE FREQUENT UPDATES? I have an additional three chapters completed, but my intent was to post a new chapter every Sunday. My thought was that posting weekly would allow me to stay one chapter ahead when writing, so that I never make you lovely readers wait longer than a week for an update. However, I had not intended on this story progressing as quickly as it has. Please comment and let me know what you think!

_*** Listen to: Hole in Your Heart - Royal Blood -[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/5Q6BEkgHxYuEJmHidFLy9L) ***_

**iMessage 12:05PM  
** \-----------------  
**Kylo**  
_Booked a studio. Let everyone know._  
_9AM tomorrow. Red Five Music._  
\-----------------

 **Nate**  
_9am? Jesus fuck, dude._  
_Hux is gonna pop a gasket._  
\------------------

 **Kylo**  
_Drag him by his fucking hair if you have to._  
_BE THERE.  
_ _\------------------_

 **Nate**  
_Address?  
_ _\-----------------_

 **Kylo**  
_Google it.  
__\-----------------_  

   


**iMessage 2:14PM  
** \-----------------  
**Rey-Jay**    
_We booked that band!_  
_Mr. W is so happy!!_  
\-----------------

 **Rose**  
_OMG so cool!_    
_So are you gonna get_  
_to help with the mixing_  
_like he said???  
_ \-----------------

 **Rey-Jay**    
_I asked him and he said…_  
_YES!!!_    
_I’m so stoked.  I can’t_  
_believe I’m actually starting to adult!!  
_ \-----------------

 **Rose**  
_LOLOL!  You’re soooooooo_  
_much more adult than_  
_the rest of us._    
_Finny sez HIYA!_    
\-----------------

 **Rey-Jay**    
_HIYA FINN!!!!!!!_    
_So, Rosie?_  
\-----------------

 **Rose**  
_Ya??_  
\-----------------

 **Rey-Jay**    
_There’s this guy._  
\-----------------

 **Rose**  
_Wait what?_  
_What guy???!!!!_  
\-----------------

 **Rey-Jay**    
_He’s in the band we booked._  
\-----------------

 **Rose**  
_Ohhhh??_  
_Is he hot?_  
\-----------------

 **Rey-Jay**    
_He’s attractive, alright._  
\-----------------

 **Rose**  
_Yeah but IS HE HOT?  
_ \-----------------

 **Rey-Jay**    
_Yeah._  
_Smokin’ hot, actually._    
\-----------------

 **Rose**  
_Did you talk to him?_  
\-----------------

 **Rey-Jay**    
_Yeah. Sort of._  
\-----------------

 **Rose**  
_When is he coming_  
_back to the studio?_  
\-----------------

 **Rey-Jay**    
_Tomorrow morning._    
\-----------------

 **Rose**  
_So do you like him?_  
_Like…_ _LIKE him like him?_  
\-----------------

 **Rey-Jay**    
_I don’t know, Rosie!!!_  
_I just met the guy!!!_  
\-----------------

 **Rose**  
_Sooooooooo????!!!!_  
\-----------------

 **Rey-Jay**    
_Yeah.  I like him._    
\-----------------

 **Rose**  
_Haha! Rey has a boyfriend._  
\-----------------

 **Rey-Jay**    
_OMG Rose I just met him._  
_Don’t be ridiculous._  
\-----------------

 **Rose**  
_So what’s your boyfriend’s name?_  
\-----------------

 **Rey-Jay**    
_Kylo Ren._  
_His band is called Starkiller._  
_BUT HE’S NOT MY_  
_BOYFRIEND!!!_    
\----------------

  
**iMessage 2:41PM  
** \-----------------  
**Rey-Jay**    
Rosie?  Where’d you go???  
\-----------------

 **Rose**  
Rey,  
we need to talk.  
\-----------------  

   


Finn and Rose were already seated at a table when Rey walked into the Octane Coffee Bar.  The cafe was filled to the brim with Georgia Tech kids, fueling up for their Spring midterms, so Rey had to wait in line for a while. She could tell Finn and Rose weren’t their usual ridiculously happy selves and she silently hoped that everything was ok.

Rey had met Finn fairly soon after moving to Atlanta. He was the assistant manager at a nearby Guitar Center where Mr. Walker sent Rey at least twice a week for parts and gadgets. If Finn was working when Rey was there, the two never failed to talk about their mutual love of music.  In a matter of weeks, they had become great friends and Finn invited an elated Rey to come see his band play. It was there that Rey had met Finn’s girlfriend Rose and the two girls had also immediately hit it off, much to Rey’s surprise. She had been concerned that Rose might be jealous of her friendship with Finn but that was most definitely not the case. Finn and Rose were probably the best friends Rey had ever had. Come to think of it, Finn and Rose were the ONLY real friends Rey had ever had.

Rey received her hot chocolate from the counter and went to join her friends. Although they did not seem as jovial as usual, Finn and Rose still smiled warmly at Rey when she approached their table. Rose gave her usual adorable overly-excited wave that she always gave Rey when they saw each other. Rey sat opposite of the couple and sat her hot chocolate on the table, keeping her hands wrapped around the warm cup.

“Ok, so…” Rey began. She had been worried about her friends all day, and was anxious to hear what was happening. “What’s up, guys?”

Finn and Rey glanced at each other and then Finn spoke.

“Before I joined Rebel Scum last year, I was in another band.”  Finn said. “I was their drummer.”

He paused briefly, scooting his elbows on the table closer to Rey, so he didn’t have to speak quite as loudly over the crowd.

“It was a pretty bad experience.” Finn continued. “I got along with a couple of the guys - Nate and Alex. But the bass player -- her name was Fallon, but everyone called her Faz… she hated me. I showed up late to a single gig, and after that, she was constantly looking for reasons to call me out, or embarrass me in front of the other band members. And our lead guitarist, the guy who formed the band, always took Faz’ side. After a couple of months, he finally told me I had to go - blamed everything on me and said I was a troublemaker.”

“That’s terrible, Finn!” Rey responded. “That’s completely unfair.” Rey thought for a second and then asked, “But why are you telling me this?”

“The band I was in was called Starkiller.” Finn explained. “And the guy who fired me was Kylo Ren.”

Rey slowly sat back in her chair.

“You are flipping kidding me!” she exclaimed, crossing her arms in front of her. Great. The first client she was going to have the chance to work with had a bad history with one of her best friends. Wasn’t that just her luck?

“Listen,” Finn continued, “I know you have to work with them and I know it’s your job but when Rose…” Finn glanced at Rose and she looked down at her hands, embarrassed. “When Rose told me what you had said about Kylo -- that you liked him…”

“Honestly, guys. I just met him for like, half an hour today.” Rey reiterated. “Yes, I will admit, I found him attractive. He’s an attractive man, what can I say? But it’s not like I asked him out or gave him my number. We barely exchanged a few words, that’s all.”.”

“Sorry.” Rose said, and after a pause, she continued. “I was just joking around, but when you told me his name, I… I panicked! I never should have told Finn what you said without asking you first.”

“What? No!” Rey reassured Rose, “we can all tell each other anything! I’m not mad about that.  I’m not mad about anything. I just don’t want either of you thinking that I’ve fallen for Kylo Ren. I seriously know nothing about the guy.”

“Understood.” Finn said. “But Rey, promise me you’ll be careful around him.  He has a way of… getting into your head.  Trust me, I’ve seen it happen. Don’t let him do that to you, ok?”

“Ok.” Rey replied, “Promise.”

   


_*** Listen to: Strangers - Portishead -[ Spotify ](https://open.spotify.com/track/6pW8YspamPCxUwgvYttTSc) | [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4TxEsRxltg) ***_

Rey put her piping hot grilled cheese sandwich on a plastic thrift-store Cinderella plate and plopped down on the floor beside her twin bed to eat it. Her efficiency apartment, located above Red Five Music was tiny, but cozy and neat. Rey had grown up amidst the clutter and sandy filth of her uncle’s vast Nevada junkyard and had sworn that when she got her own place, it would always be clean and tidy. So far, she had kept that promise to herself.

She raised the gooey sandwich to her mouth and was just about to take a bite when her phone chimed a text message alert. Probably Finn, she thought to herself. He had a knack about texting at exactly the wrong time. She put her sandwich back onto the plate and grabbed her phone. The message was from a new number that Rey did not recognize.

 **iMessage 10:32PM  
** \-----------------  
**404-555-9811**  
_Are you awake?_  
_I apologize for the late text._  
\-----------------

Rey stared at her phone. Rose and Finn would have immediately told her if they were getting a new number. Mr. Walker would never have texted -- his old school flip phone didn’t even that capability.  Besides, who the heck talked like that in a text message? So… formally! Wrong number maybe? She typed a reply, hoping the errant texter would get the hint.

\-----------------  
**404-555-6823**  
_New phone. Who dis?_  
\-----------------

When no reply came through, she tossed her phone to the floor and began to eat her sandwich.  She had taken three big bites, and had just popped the top on a cold Dr. Pepper when her phone chimed. Seriously? What the hay bail?

 **iMessage 10:38PM  
** \-----------------  
**404-555-9811**  
_Am I texting Rey?_  
\-----------------

Rey stared at the screen. She took a quick swig of her soda and texted back.

\-----------------  
**404-555-6823**  
_Seriously, who is this?_  
_I don’t know this number._  
\-----------------

She was about to lock the phone when she noticed the little animated dots that indicated the person on the other end was typing. She waited, eyeballing her rapidly cooling grilled cheese on the plate beside her.

 **iMessage 10:40PM  
** \-----------------  
**404-555-9811**  
_Kylo_  
\-----------------

Rey threw her phone across the floor as if it had tried to bite her. It slid on the smooth 1970s-era linoleum until it spun rapidly and then came to a halt near the door. How in the heck had he gotten her number? Why in the heck was he texting her? Every word Finn had said about Kylo Ren played back in her mind, loud and crystal clear.

But…

Rey glared at her phone as it lay silent on the floor.

Kylo Ren was also a client so in order to do her job, and continue receiving instruction from Mr. Walker, Rey was going to have to interact with him, at least on a professional level.

She stuck the other half of the grilled cheese in her mouth and crawled over to her phone. She tore off a chunk of the sandwich and chewed as she typed her response.

\-----------------  
**404-555-6823**  
_Hi. How can I help you?_

 **404-555-6823**  
_Also,how did you get my number?_  
\-----------------

The little dots animated before she had even sent the second part of her text, so she didn’t bother locking her phone. She stared at the screen, a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach that, if she had not known better, she would’ve sworn were butterflies. She chalked it up to anxiety about the following morning’s recording session -- her first ever with a real client. But when Kylo’s next message popped up on the screen, the feeling that was definitely not butterflies did a little somersault.

 **iMessage 10:46PM  
** \-----------------  
**404-555-9811**  
_Just wanted to make sure everything would_  
_be completely set up for tomorrow @9am._  
_Walker said you would be handling that._  
_He gave me your number._  
\-----------------

Rey let out an offended gasp.  Well of COURSE everything would be set up.  Did he think she was incapable? Maybe because she was just a GIRL? Her thumbs flew across the screen.

\-----------------  
**Rey**  
_Excuse me?!!  You DON’T have to tell me how to do my j_  
\-----------------

She stopped typing mid-word, mentally willed herself to calm down a bit, hit the backspace key several times, then re-typed.

\-----------------  
**Rey**  
_I am perfectly capable of setting up a studio, thank you ver_  
\-----------------

Nope. Still too defensive. Rey took a deep breath, hit the backspace again to clear the text, then tried again.

\-----------------  
**Rey**  
_Absolutely. We will see you at 9am._  
\-----------------

Rey put her phone down on the floor and looked at the remainder of her cold grilled cheese. She wasn’t sure why, but she had lost her appetite. She sat in still silence for a moment, a sudden tiredness washing over her. She leaned her head back against the side of her bed and closed her eyes, but Kylo Ren’s image appeared there and her lids flew open again. She had just placed her hand on the floor beside her to lift herself up when her phone chimed again.

Artwork copyrighted 2018 [jaberwockyface on tumblr](https://jabberwockyface.tumblr.com/)  
[Click here to see full-size version.](https://i.imgur.com/8VWm5hm.jpg)

**iMessage 10:50PM**

\-----------------  
**Kylo**  
_I meant to apologize earlier for scaring you._  
_It wasn’t intentional._  
\-----------------

 **Rey**  
_You didn’t scare me._  
_I was just_  
_surprised._  
\-----------------

 **Kylo**  
_Then I’m sorry for surprising you._  
_I assumed you heard me come in._  
\-----------------

 **Rey**  
_Really it’s fine._  
_No worries_  
_Have a good night._  
\-----------------

 **Kylo**  
_Ah. Right._  
_Good night._  
\-----------------

Rey lifted herself off the floor and walked to her small kitchen nook. She tilted her plastic dinner plate towards the trash but thought better of it at the last moment and rescued the remaining sandwich piece, popping it into her mouth.

She walked back to her bed and slipped out of her jeans, removed her bra without bothering to remove her t-shirt and slid in between the warm covers of her bed. She switched off her lamp, plugged her phone into the charger cord and was just about to set it on the night table when…

 **iMessage 11:02PM  
** \-----------------  
**Rey**  
_I googled Starkiller earlier._  
_Listened to the demos_  
_on the website._  
_Good sound._  
\------------------

Why the heck did she just do that? What was wrong with her? Rey knew that Kylo Ren was bad news. She also knew that he had not been very nice to one of her best friends, which, when she thought about it, made her really mad. Yet texting him made her feel… strange. And it wasn’t a bad feeling. It felt wrong but right at the same time, as if they were sharing a dirty little secret that no one else knew about.

 **iMessage 11:03PM  
** \-----------------  
**Kylo**  
_Thanks._  
_We can never have_  
_too many fans._  
\------------------

Rey scoffed. She wouldn’t have called herself a fan, necessarily. Their music wasn’t really her cup of tea. The sound was a bit too hard and way too dark for her. Still, the lyrics were provoking and their sound was incredibly clean, especially for a bunch of demo songs.

 **iMessage 11:02PM  
** \-----------------  
**Rey**  
_Who writes your songs?_  
\------------------

 **Kylo**  
_That would be me._  
\------------------

 **Rey**  
_They’re very dark._  
\------------------

 **Kylo**  
_So am I._  
\------------------

Rey rolled her eyes as she turned over on her side to face the wall. Wasn’t he a little old to be emo?

 **iMessage 11:05PM  
** \------------------  
**Rey**  
_Why is that?_  
\------------------

 **Kylo**  
_Let me take you out for_  
_a drink some time_  
_and I’ll tell you all about it.  
_ \------------------

Rey raised up on her elbow. Did he…? Did he just…?

 **iMessage 11:06PM  
** \------------------  
**Rey**  
_Are you asking me out?_  
_We literally just met, you know?_  
\------------------

 **Kylo**  
_Everyone has_  
_just met at some point._  
_We don’t have to call it a date_  
_if that’s weird to you._  
_It’s just a drink._  
\------------------

 **Rey**  
_I'm not old enough to dr  
_ \------------------

She stared at the words on the screen and then backspaced.

\------------------  
**Rey**  
_Maybe._  
\------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick little note about the Kylo/Rey texts. 
> 
> Did you notice how at first, their texts were labeled as phone numbers? Then, as the conversation moved on, their text labels changed to their names?
> 
> Why? Our star-crossed jelly beans added each other to their contacts!
> 
> Guh... so sweet. I love little details like that. I'm such a dork! :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sets up the studio at Red Five Music for the Starkiller recording session. But an unexpected early arrival distracts her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you enjoy today's upload! I am actually uploading two chapters today - so be sure to click ahead to chapter four after you're finished with this page. Writing has gone a bit faster than I thought it would, and I'm dying to share everything with you, but I don't want to get too ahead of myself.
> 
> As always, kudos are greatly appreciated and comments are always welcome, and all comments will be replied to!

_*** Listen to: Present Tense - Radiohead -[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/4eruRiSfDY1jdT03hjyi0i) ***_

Rey was up and in the studio well before dawn. She couldn’t sleep anyway. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Kylo staring back at her. Besides, everything had to be perfect for the recording session later that morning. Her reputation as well as her future career were at stake.

Her apartment looked like a hurricane had blown through when she finally left it. She had torn every single item out of her closet that morning, cursing her tattered and outdated wardrobe as she desperately tried to find something cute, yet comfortable and professional enough to wear. After trying on about thirty different outfits, she finally settled on a pair of dark gray slacks and a dark red tank top with a keyhole neckline that just barely hinted at her cleavage. It took another twenty minutes of staring at herself in the mirror, smoothing her hair, checking her teeth and fidgeting with the ridiculous, uncomfortable push-up bra before she finally locked her door and headed downstairs.

It only took her about an hour to get everything in the studio set up to her satisfaction. She then tested every single piece of equipment in both the studio and the control room to ensure it was in perfect working order. Twice.

Around 8:15 there was a knock on the back door. She honestly didn’t understand why Mr. Walker never entered through the front door, where he could let himself in with his key. Rey hopped off the wooden stool in front of the control panel and walked to the back, twisting the two deadbolts that secured the door. She opened the heavy door, stepping back to let Walker in.

“I decided to do a full test run.” She began, turning to head back into the control room as she spoke. “I’m a little worried about the sound on mic three, so I’m going to double check the connection and then switch it out with a spare if I can’t get it figured out.”

“I’m impressed.” Kylo said. Rey spun around to face him, eyes wide with surprise.

“You did all of this this morning?” he asked, gesturing around the studio with a hand that held a large Octane Coffee Bar cup. Rey looked at the cup enviously. She was so wound up in her preparations that she hadn’t bothered to eat or drink anything that morning.

“Yep.” she replied, a slightly proud grin on her face. “I live upstairs so it’s not like I have a long commute.” She immediately gave a quiet little laugh and did a mental facepalm. Why exactly had she just volunteered that piece of personal information for no reason whatsoever? “Oh, um, no food or drinks in the studio. Walker’s rule. Sorry.”

“Cool.” Kylo said, disregarding her comment. “Here.” He said, thrusting a large paper cup with a sleeve around it in her direction as he brushed past her to walk to the control panel. “Wasn’t sure if you were a coffee person, so I got you a hot chocolate. I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Rey turned and watched him as he looked over the control panel. She took a sip of the hot chocolate he’d brought her, and gave him a little smile, in spite of herself. How had he known it was one of her greatest weaknesses? She made a mental note to get rid of the evidence before Walker arrived.

Kylo sat down on the wooden stool and double checked a couple of the settings on the vast array of controls. He then began to tweak a few of the knobs and switches. Rey nearly spat out the hot chocolate she had in her mouth. She had worked all morning to ensure everything was to Walker’s exact specifications.

“Don’t touch those!” she said, reaching her hand out in front of her in a useless attempt to stop Kylo. He looked at Rey briefly before turning back to the controls.

“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.” he said with a slight chuckle. Rey scowled. Did he seriously just dismiss her, after she had spent HOURS getting everything ready for him and…

“You look very pretty this morning, by the way. Red’s a good color on you.” he offered out of nowhere. Rey’s scowl melted away, replaced with a look of bewilderment.

“Come here for a second.” He called to her, motioning her over to him with a slight movement of his hand. Rey walked over to the control panel and stood beside him, already having forgotten her irritation from mere seconds before.

“Normally, the settings you had would be correct.” He said as he flipped a few switches on the panel. Rey leaned in closer to watch what he was doing. He smelled good, she thought. “However, Faz’ bass is strung pretty low.” He continued. Rey leaned in a little closer. He smelled really, really good -- like expensive cologne and freshly laundered linen and something else -- something darker, warmer and exotic. “So, it sounds better if you sum her mic signals down to one mono channel.”

He turned to face her and nearly collided with her, she had leaned in so close. Rey backed up, hoping he couldn’t see the embarrassed tinge on her cheeks. He continued, seemingly unaffected by their near impact. “Also, we’re going to want to record a direct injection track for both Faz’ bass and my guitar as well. It makes for a much cleaner sound and although it initially takes a bit longer in the studio, it takes a lot of the headache out of post production. Do you have a DI box ready?”

Rey stared at him. A DI box? Her eyes never left his as she reached to her right and fumbled for the clipboard that was sitting beside the control panel. Once it was in her hands she glanced down and began frantically flipping through the pages of set-up notes that Mr. Walker had given her. Had she missed something? She certainly didn’t remember seeing anything about setting up a DI box. Kylo reached over and took the clipboard from Rey’s hands and tossed it back to where she had taken it from.

“Where’s the equipment room?” he asked. Rey pointed with her thumb over her shoulder. Kylo rose from the control panel and brushed by her again to walk to the equipment room. She shook her head and turned to follow him. Was it necessary for him to always touch her when he passed by? He truly had zero respect whatsoever for boundaries and personal space.

Kylo walked into the equipment room, and Rey switched on the light. Rows of metal shelving held all types of sound and recording equipment, most of which she had personally taken it upon herself to sort, organize and arrange in her first few weeks working for Walker.

“Holy shit” Kylo exclaimed as he looked around. “It’s like a museum in here! The old man really holds on to everything, doesn’t he?” He picked up an ancient microphone and turned it over in his hand.

“Yep”, she replied. “He really loves his relics. Kind of a collector, I guess.” She reached past him and took a large glass container off the shelf. “Check these out!” She handed the container, filled with hundreds of guitar picks, to Kylo. “Walker said there are picks in there that belonged to some of the greats -- Clapton, Eddie Van Halen, Keith Richards, Tom Petty, David Gilmour...”

Kylo shook the container, watching the multi-colored picks as they rattled around inside.

“Think he’s full of shit?” he asked, glancing at Rey with a slight smile on his face. Rey shrugged.

“Anyone else, yeah. But Walker… he may be a little crazy, but he’s a good man. I believe him.”

Kylo gently placed the container back on the shelf.

“He’s been good to you.” He said, as he scanned the shelves for more treasure. It was a statement, not a question.

“He has.” Rey answered simply. The conversation was starting to get uncomfortable for her, so she changed the subject. “The DI boxes should be over there.” She motioned to a shelf to the left of where Kylo was standing. He glanced in that direction.

“Sorry, where?” He asked in reply. “I don’t see them.”

“There, on the shelf to the left, second from the top.” Rey pointed, but Kylo was standing right in her line of sight, so she moved forward. There wasn’t enough space for them to stand side by side in the tiny room, so she tried to slip past him. He stood infuriatingly still, although she was absolutely sure he could tell she was trying to get by, so she ended up sandwiched between the front of his body and the shelf where the DI boxes were kept.

“Up there.” Rey directed as she pointed to the small black box, slightly out of her reach. “Can you…?”

Kylo reached over Rey’s head and took the DI box from the shelf. She could feel his body move against hers as he leaned in.

“You smell nice.” he said, his voice low and close to her ear. “What is that? Vanilla?”

“I, uh…” Rey stammered. She was unaccustomed to compliments, especially from members of the opposite sex, and she always struggled with how to reply. “It’s probably my shampoo. Coconut and vanilla bean.” She reached up and nervously smoothed her hair down with her hand.

“I like it.” he confirmed. He was still standing dangerously close.

“Thanks.” Rey replied. She turned and took the DI box from Kylo’s hand. “I should go hook this up, I guess. Still have to test mic number three, too. Walker will probably be here in a few minutes. Definitely want everything to be ready when...” She cut herself off in mid-sentence. She was rambling. Kylo stared down at her, that ubiquitous almost-grin on his lips. She both liked and disliked the way his dark eyes devoured her while she stood there in awkward silence.

Rey halfway expected him to block her attempt to squeeze by him and leave the equipment room. She had no plan for what she would do if he did. Instead, he took a slight step back and waited for her to exit before following her out.

Kylo’s phone chirped as he followed Rey out of the equipment room. He took the device out of his pocket and leaned against the doorway. Rey began to hook up the DI box as Kylo read something on his phone and laughed. She found herself staring at the way he lit up when he smiled so genuinely, his face taking on an almost boyish appearance. He typed something on his phone and then locked it and shoved it back in his pocket.

“The rest of the band will be here in about twenty minutes.” he told Rey. “Need any help?”

“Nope, I’ve got it, thanks.” She said, tightening the last connection on the box. When she was done, she began checking the microphone that had been giving her trouble earlier.

“Have you been in Atlanta long?” Kylo asked. Rey glanced up at him, surprised by the question.

“How do you know I’m not from here?” she asked, even though he was correct in his assumption.

“Hardly anyone is actually from here anymore. And you don’t have the accent to be a native.”

Rey continued with her work but answered his inquiry. “I’ve been here for about six months.”

Kylo remained silent and Rey was thankful. She didn’t really like talking about her life before.

“And?” he asked. When Rey didn’t answer right away, he added, “Where are you from?”

Rey sighed. She should have known he would want to know. She briefly considered lying but opted for vague truths instead.

“Out west. Nevada.”, she replied, then turned her back on him to check the length of cable that ran from the microphone to the control room.

“Vegas?” He asked. It was always the next question after Rey told anyone she was from Nevada.

“Nope.” She said simply She was going to leave it at that but she knew he wouldn’t, so she volunteered a bit more. “The middle of nowhere. Literally. A tiny town north of Vegas. Way north.”

“Ah, small town girl”, he said. He sounded amused. “That explains a lot.”

Rey dropped the cable and swung around to face him. “What the heck is that supposed to mean?”, she asked. She tried to settle her temper but it was already too late.

“Calm down!”, he laughed as he crossed his arms across his chest. “I just meant that it explains why you’re not like the other girls that usually hang around me.” Rey rolled her eyes.

“And how am I so different?” Rey asked. She picked up the cable to continue her inspection. A couple of feet in, she found the problem: a piece of the outer insulation had been torn loose, exposing the wire underneath. It would have to be replaced.

“You’re sweet.” Kylo began. “Innocent, even. And don’t get pissed off! That’s not a bad thing. I mean it as a compliment.” Rey heard him but didn’t turn around because she could already feel her cheeks beginning to redden. She took a spare roll of cable from a supply box in the corner and began to replace the damaged section. “And you’ve got a sense of humor, not to mention some integrity. You have no idea how incredibly rare that is.”

“Hey there, kids!” Mr. Walker bellowed as he entered the studio. Rey turned away from him so he wouldn’t see her flushed face. “Wow, Rey! The place looks great. You’re great! Isn’t she great, Kylo?”

“Indeed, she is.” Kylo replied. Rey silently wished she could crawl under the floorboards. She thought her face was flushed before but now she wouldn’t have been surprised if it were to burst into flames.

 

_*** Listen to: Weak and Powerless - A Perfect Circle -[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/7gDVjl5fEw2OPAtjbW4LzR) ***_

By the time Rey completed the cable replacement, the rest of the band had arrived. Starkiller descended upon the studio in a cacophonous frenzy. Rey found herself backed against a wall, desperately trying to keep from getting trampled as the band hauled in loads of equipment and gear. Once everything had been unloaded and the band was ready to begin hooking everything up for recording, Kylo joined Walker in the control room. Rey figured it was time she introduced herself to the rest of the band, just in case anyone needed help.

“Hi! I’m Rey!”, she introduced herself with a little wave. “I’m Mr. Walker’s assistant. I can help you with set up or anything else you may need. All you have to do is ask!”

“Well look at you!” the woman, whom Rey remembered Finn calling Faz, said. She was remarkably tall, possibly even taller than Kylo. Her choppy blonde hair was cut asymmetrically, and was highlighted with streaks of shimmering titanium gray. Her voice sounded a bit more condescending than Rey cared for. “Thanks, peanut." she said with a grin and a cocked eyebrow. "I think we can handle it, though.”

“Now wait a minute”, one of the other band members, a thin, bearded red-headed man interjected. He took a step towards Rey and looked her over in a way that made Rey wince. “She said anything we need. I can think of a few things I need.” His tone wasn’t lost on Rey. One of the other males laughed and Faz smacked him on the arm.

“Hux! Get the gear out of my car -- now!” Kylo roared, appearing suddenly from the darkness of the control room. He threw his car keys at the smaller man, hitting him dead in his sternum. Hux winced, then scowled and turned to exit the studio. “Hey!” Kylo barked and Hux turned back to glare at him. “Not one scratch.” Kylo added, his eyes practically boring holes through Hux, and then turned to Rey.

“Ignore that asshole”, he told her. “Actually, ignore all these assholes.” He turned to the rest of the band.

“Assholes, this is Rey”, he said. “Be nice to her.” Rey saw a couple of subtle glances and raised eyebrows between the band members. “Rey knows what she’s doing. Much more than any of you do, regardless of what you think. So ask her if you don’t know how to do something. Do not fuck shit up”, he said the last part of the sentence with pauses between each word for emphasis. He looked back at Rey. “Let me know if they give you any problems.” He turned then and headed back to the control room.

“Ohhhhh K!” Faz said softly, her voice carrying an amused and slightly surprised tone.

“I’m Alex”, one of the men said. He was a few inches taller than Rey when he stood, with a thin, slight build. His dark hair was cut short and neat. He adjusted a pair of black-framed glasses with one hand, and put the other one out for Rey to shake. “Alex Canady. Rhythm guitar. And that’s Faz. She plays bass”, he pointed to the woman and Rey managed a smile, although she wondered if it came across as disingenuous as the one Faz gave back to her. “And Nate.” He nodded towards the other man, whose bleach blonde hair was spiked on top, his full beard trimmed and neat. Nate put two fingers to his forehead in a mock salute. “He’s lead vocals. And Faz’ boy toy.” At that, Nate turned his two finger salute to Rey into a middle finger salute to Alex. Faz laughed and smacked Nate on the rear.

“Nice to meet you all”, Rey said. Alex seemed nice enough but she didn’t like Faz and had reservations about Nate, although she would try her hardest to be cordial to everyone.

“The skinny ginger who just left to be Kylo’s errand boy is Hux.” Alex added. “Drummer.”

Rey nodded. Hux had been Finn’s replacement. Remembering her friend’s story about what had happened to him while playing in this band made her mixed feelings about it’s members shift even further towards the negative. And of course Kylo had been the one to let Finn go. She turned slightly and glanced at Kylo in the control room. He was leaning over the control panel, his long, toned arms stretched out in front of him as he rested his weight on his hands. His head was turned towards Walker who was probably going over some last-minute instructions before the recording began. Kylo’s hair fell towards his face, the loose, wavy curls softening his expression somewhat. As if on queue, Kylo swept one large hand back through his hair and smiled towards Walker, who had probably just made a dumb joke. What had she been thinking about again? Rey couldn’t remember.

Hux came shuffling back into the studio then, his wiry but deceivingly strong arms loaded down with the guitar cases and gear from Kylo’s car. He let it all fall to the floor in a heap at his feet. Kylo stuck his head around the corner.

“Those guitars you just threw on the floor are worth a thousand times more than you, asswipe”, he hurled at Hux. “And since you can’t treat them with respect, you also get to do the setup. Start with the PRS.”

Hux didn’t even bother to argue. He slid to the floor and opened one of the cases. Inside was a beautiful guitar, which Hux gently removed. The light in the studio played off the deep red finish of the body of the guitar, making it shimmer and flare. Rey did not feel Kylo come up behind her and she jumped slightly when he spoke.

“Do you know guitars?, he asked. He was so close she could feel the heat of his body against her back.

“Vintage PRS? I’d say…” Rey thought for a moment before giving an educated guess. “1986?”

“1987.” Kylo said. His voice was soft. She glanced back and up at him. He looked impressed. Rey grinned. “I’m not familiar with that finish though.”

“Scarlet Burst”, he replied. “It wasn’t a popular color, although I don’t know why. You should see it when the stage lights hit it. Looks like it’s…”

“On fire?” Rey interrupted him. He smiled down at her.

“On fire”, he repeated.

“Hey!” Walker yelled suddenly. He sounded angry. “Who brought drinks into my control room?” An unhappy bearded face appeared from around the control room door. “Rey?”

Rey looked up at Kylo, eyes wide with sheer horror. She had forgotten about their coffee cups!

“No, that was me!” Kylo said, turning to face Walker. “Rey told me not to bring them in. It’s not her fault. I apologize. I’ll get rid of them.” He turned back around and gave Rey a shrug and a lopsided grin before disappearing back into the control room.

Rey turned to see the other members of Starkiller staring at her like she had sprouted an additional head. She gave them all an awkward smile and then pretended to busy herself with a mic that wasn’t even plugged in. She could hear them whispering among themselves and although she knew it was about her, she really didn’t care to know what they were saying.

After a few moments, Kylo returned and helped Rey and the others to complete the band’s gear setup. Finally, after what seemed like forever, everything was ready to go and Walker called Rey to the control room. She shut the soundproof doors behind her and took a seat next to Walker in front of the large soundboard. Rey adjusted the flat-screen computer monitors mounted above their heads so they both could watch the sound levels as the band began to record.

For the next four hours, they laid down tracks for two songs. As promised, Walker instructed and taught Rey as they worked and even let her take the controls for a bit. While Rey was manning the soundboard, she looked up to see Kylo watching her through the heavy, soundproof glass between the two rooms. He had that look again, like he was trying to devour her with his eyes. But when he caught her gaze, he winked at her and she looked down, embarrassed that Walker might have seen their interaction. The goofy grin on her face wasn’t as easy to hide, however.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band breaks for lunch but Rey opts to remain at the studio, and soon finds that she's not the only one who stayed behind. As they share lunch together, Rey and Kylo begin to learn more about each other, and their unhappy pasts.

_ *** Listen to: First Taste - Fiona Apple -  [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/21Xc8hEIzv81jwiftI4hJB) *** _

When they broke for lunch, Walker invited everyone to accompany him to the Varsity for cheap greasy cheeseburgers and orange freezes. The band members happily agreed but Rey politely refused, opting to stay behind and review the tracks. Before starting on that task, she walked to the back steps that lead up to her apartment, planning to make herself some lunch.

“Is it the food that isn’t your thing or the company?” Kylo asked. Rey turned to see him leaning up against the door frame, his hands in his pockets. She wasn’t really all that surprised to see that he’d stayed behind. What did surprise her was how glad she was that he did.

“Both, really”, she replied honestly. “I don’t think your friends like me much”, she confessed. “And I know the food at the Varsity doesn’t like me at all.” She put her hand on her stomach and made a puking face.

“I don’t know how anyone eats that crap”, he agreed. “And don’t worry about the guys”, he continued. “They don’t like anybody. They don’t even like each other, or themselves, and I’m pretty sure they don’t like me either.” He smiled at her then - that smile she had seen earlier. The kind that engaged his whole face. She could have sworn the space around him seemed brighter. “You need to eat, though”, he offered. “Want to go grab a bite from somewhere that’s not disgusting?”

“Thank you, that’s really sweet”, she replied. “I was just going to run upstairs and make myself a sandwich or something, but really, I appreciate the offer.” She turned slightly, but stopped.  Before the words even formed in her mouth, she knew she shouldn’t say them. She knew it was a horrible, very bad, terrible idea.  

“Want to join me?” The words tumbled off her lips, despite her brain’s best effort to stop them.

Kylo shrugged and at first Rey thought he wasn’t interested, but then he walked towards her.

“Lead the way.” he said, nonchalantly, and followed Rey up the stairs.

“I hope you don’t mind peanut butter and jelly”, she said, a little embarrassed that she didn’t have much to offer him. “I have homemade chocolate chip cookies for dessert, though! Well, if the stuff that comes out of the roll is considered homemade, I guess.”

Rey couldn’t see Kylo smiling at her as she unlocked her door. She was nervous. She tended to ramble when she was nervous. Normally, he would have found that irritating, but then he found any nervous behavior in others irritating. But with Rey, it was endearing somehow.

The lock disengaged and Rey threw open the door.

“Home sweet…. Oh. Crap!”

Kylo looked over her shoulder. The tiny efficiency apartment looked like his place after an all-nighter. Clothes were strewn around, most of them inside-out like they’d been worn and then discarded. The bed wasn’t made and the comforter lay half-way in the floor. There were dishes in the sink along with several empty, crumpled soda cans.

“I… I don’t usually…” Rey stammered. “I was in kind of a hurry when I left this morning.” She immediately began rushing around, picking clothes up and tossing them back into her closet.

“It’s ok.” Kylo reassured her. “Trust me, I’ve seen worse.”

“I’m actually a very neat person.” Rey offered. She couldn’t believe how mortified she felt. First of all, she’d invited this man, this man she barely even knew, into her apartment -- a client, nonetheless and her place was an utter disaster area.

Kylo approached her and took the armfull of clothes out of her hands and tossed them on the bed.

“It’s ok” he said and there was something in his voice she’d never heard before -- a softness that she felt just as much as she heard. He was standing dangerously close again. Her mind raced, unable to concentrate. She wondered how ridiculous she looked, her head tilted back so she could look him in the eyes. So tall. He may actually have had the prettiest eyes she’d ever seen. Why did he always have to stand so close to her? She could smell his cologne again, and that hint of something delicious underneath. “I’m starving. What about those sandwiches?”

“Oh. Right”, she said, but it came out as little more than a whisper. She stepped away from him and to her little kitchen. She wanted to make small talk while she gathered the items to make their sandwiches, but she wasn’t very good at it. Her life just wasn’t that interesting.  Surely Kylo’s was.

“So, how did you learn to play guitar?” Rey asked.

“What made you decide to get into the music business?” Kylo asked at the exact same time.  

They both laughed. Kylo walked to Rey’s tiny kitchen table with it’s two mismatched chairs and sat down.

“Music was the one thing that kept me sane when I was a kid.” Rey answered as she dug into a jar of peanut butter with a butter knife.  “Well, other than fixing things and then tearing them apart and fixing them again. But even when I was doing that, I was listening to music. When I found out about sound studios and music production, I couldn’t really think of anything I’d rather do.” She opened the fridge and turned to Kylo. “Grape or strawberry?”, she asked.

“Grape.”, he said. “But why Atlanta?”

“I considered a lot of places”, Rey replied. “But Atlanta is up-and-coming in the industry. Just like me.“ She smiled as she spread the jelly on their sandwiches. “Not to mention Walker made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. I had like, zero money when I moved out here, so having a job and a place to live before I even hopped on the bus was huge!”

“What did your parents say when you left?”, he inquired. Rey remained silent for a moment as she plated their sandwiches, then cut them in half. She didn’t want to answer. She didn’t want to talk about that. She glanced at Kylo. The look on his face was one she hadn’t seen on him before. No smirk, no condescending grin. He was genuinely interested.  

“They didn’t say anything”, she finally said. “They died when I was little. My uncle raised me.”

This was normally the part when the other person said ‘Oh God, I’m so sorry!’ or ‘You poor thing, that’s terrible!’ or ‘Everything happens for a reason, sweetie’, but Kylo didn’t speak.  When Rey looked at him, he just nodded slightly. His eyes told her everything he wanted to say.

“Your turn,”, she said, desperately attempting to make her voice sound cheery as she put his sandwich in front of him. “My guess is you taught yourself to play guitar. Middle school maybe?  A heavy metal phase?” She was teasing him now. “Are there yearbook photos of you in a Metallica t-shirt, Kylo?”

“Yes and no”, he said. He took a huge bite of his sandwich. “Got anything to drink?”

“Oh! Sorry!” Rey said and sprung from the seat she had just taken across from him. She grabbed two cold cans of Dr. Pepper from the small, ancient fridge and slid one towards him.

“That’s a yes on the yearbook photo -- and if you ever tell anyone about that I will emphatically deny it -- but a no on the self-taught.” He took a swig of history soda, then continued. “My parents made me choose an instrument to learn when I was eight or nine. When I chose guitar my mother was not happy. I think she saw me playing classical piano or violin or some shit. But my dad talked her into letting me learn guitar”, he stopped for a moment and a pained look crossed his face, although briefly. “So my mom hired one of the best guitar teachers in Atlanta, and I took lessons twice a week for the next five or six years.”

“Wow!” Rey exclaimed, her mouth full of PB&J. “Six years of lessons? You must be amazing!”

Kylo shrugged and put the last of his sandwich in his mouth.

“And when did Starkiller become a thing?” Rey asked.

“Technically, about ten years ago”, he said and drained the rest of his soda. “I met Alex and Nate at school and we began playing around with the idea of a band. We started writing some songs and doing some impromptu jam sessions on campus. We officially formed Starkiller about four years ago. Faz joined us then and Hux came on later.”

“Where did you go to school?” Rey asked. She was envious. She had never even considered college growing up. It just wasn’t something she ever dreamed of as a possibility. She considered herself lucky to have graduated high school, considering all she had to go through to even manage that.

“Columbia”, he replied. He got up and took his plate to the sink, rinsed it, and sat it in the dish drainer. “It wasn’t where I wanted to go, but my mother...”, he paused and shook his head, a bitter smile on his face. “My mother can be very persuasive. So she packed me up and sent me off to New York City.” He turned and leaned up against the sink. “She told my dad it was because she’s an alumni and wanted the best for me. I’m fairly sure she just wanted me out of the way so she could get back into the courtroom.”

“The courtroom?” Rey inquired. She finished her sandwich and took her plate to the sink. Kylo stepped slightly to the side while she rinsed her plate. She noticed he had moved just enough to allow her space, but not so much that she could move without touching him.

“She’s an attorney”, he explained. “Trial lawyer. Remember that corporate executive that was acquitted of killing his entire family last year?” Rey nodded. It had been the biggest story on the news the month she had moved to Atlanta. “My mother was the one that got him acquitted.”  Rey raised her eyebrows as she gulped down the last of her soda. She suddenly wished she had paid more attention to the video clips the news shows had played from the trial.

“What does your father do?” Rey asked. She turned to open the container of “homemade” chocolate chip cookies on the counter. When Kylo didn’t answer, she turned back to look at him.  He was staring at the floor, arms crossed defensively across his chest. He seemed lost in a memory, and from the look in his eyes, it’s wasn’t a good one.

“He ran a global import-export company”, he said finally, his voice distant. “Built it up from a small local operation before I was even born.” Kylo drew in a deep breath and held it for a second, as if he was readying himself for something painful. “He died last year, not long after the end of the trial.”

Rey offered him the same respect he had shown her when she had told him about her parents.  She nodded, her face solemn, but she did not speak. Deep down, she was sorry, though. She could tell he was still deeply affected by the loss of his father, but now was not the time to press for more information. Instead, she offered him the container of cookies and a compassionate smile. Kylo grabbed three off the top, and when Rey protested and pulled the container back, he reached in just in time to grab one more. He shoved the entire cookie in his mouth and winked at her.

“Come on”, Rey said, heading for the door. “We’d better get downstairs before the others get back.”

“Are you embarrassed I’m here with you?”, he asked. When she turned, he was right behind her, dangerously close yet again. She looked up at him and could tell from his eyes that his question wasn’t serious. He was teasing her.

“No!”, she exclaimed. She thought about the way the other members of the band had looked at her earlier, when she and Kylo had been talking about the guitar. “Not embarrassed. I just… I don’t want Walker to know I’m fraternizing with a client.”

“Fraternizing?”, he laughed. “Is that what they’re calling it these days?”

“You know what I mean!” Rey retorted, rolling her eyes. She turned before he could see the redness in her cheeks. His hand on her arm surprised her.

“Rey.” She liked the way her name sounded when it rolled off his tongue. She turned. “I’d like to fraternize with you again sometime”, he said with a grin. His voice was low, but it wavered a bit.  Was Kylo Ren nervous? The idea amused her. “This weekend maybe? I can buy you dinner and that drink I owe you.”

“I would like that.” The reply came out of Rey’s mouth before she even had time to think about it.  Suddenly, he leaned towards her and she froze, mentally preparing herself for his kiss. Instead, he reached behind her, grabbed the door knob and opened the door.

“Oh”, she said and there was way more disappointment in that one little word than she intended. “Thanks, but you go ahead. I need to lock up.” He brushed past her and walked down the stairs to the studio. Rey shut the door and inserted her key in the lock, but paused. She placed her head against the cool surface of the door.

“What are you doing, Rey?”, she asked herself, softly bumping her head against the door with each word. She sighed. This was not going the way she had intended. Why? Why did Kylo have to be so nice? So engaging? So interesting? Why did they have to have such personal things in common? Why did he have to have such deep, soulful, dark brown eyes that made her forget who and where she was whenever his gaze caught hers? And now, she had agreed to go out with him. If Finn and Rose found out, they’d have her committed. She decided to keep it a secret from them, somewhat sadly, as she didn’t like the idea of lying to her friends. But it was just dinner, no strings attached, right? She would stop all of this afterwards. She would tell Kylo she would rather they just be friends. She turned the key in the lock, pleased with her plan, and trotted down the stairs, just as Walker and the other band members were returning from lunch.

 

_ *** Listen to: How to disappear completely- Radiohead [ [ Spotify ](https://open.spotify.com/track/69pwmeyvQMuHMtkCmpEWhQ?si=ge7q_bEvRN646u6TLZwcvQ) ] *** _

The rest of the afternoon and evening was a flurry of sound and activity. The band laid down tracks for two more songs, one of which Walker allowed Rey to completely supervise. Faz recorded her direct injection tracks and then the band loaded up their gear and equipment into their van. Kylo followed them outside and Rey could hear them laughing and talking through the open back door. She couldn’t help but feel a bit left out. She didn’t know why she let it bother her that the other members of Starkiller didn’t like her. She supposed it was because she’d never had many friends growing up.

Rey was in the studio when Kylo came back inside. She was double checking that none of the connections had come loose when the band had moved their equipment out. Kylo grabbed his guitar and took a seat on one of the wooden stools, plugged into a small amp and began to play.

Rey stopped what she was doing, stunned. The sound coming from Kylo’s guitar was nothing like he had played earlier -- not the heavy, dark notes of the hard rock music of Starkiller. His fingers caressed the strings gracefully, flying from one fret to the next with a deftness that couldn’t come from practice alone, but from a sincere love for the instrument. The music that he produced with those agile fingers was stunning. Rey had never heard someone coax such a sweet sound from an electric guitar.

The song he played was as if he were telling her a story, but with music instead of words. Each bar and each refrain told a part of the tale and each note held the emotion. It was a sad story he played for her, one of loss and loneliness and regret. She suddenly noticed, somewhat awestruck, that Kylo’s eyes were closed as he played. Rey could barely imagine playing an instrument so expertly, let alone without seeing what she was doing. Kylo wasn’t just playing the song, he was feeling it... reliving the story... as he played.

When Kylo was finished, he dropped his hands from the guitar strings and sighed a long sigh.  The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was Rey, standing a few feet away, a look of astonishment on her face. She raised her hand and wiped her cheek, but it was too late. Kylo had seen the tear. He stared at her in wonderment. His music had never elicited such an honest reaction from anyone before.

“That was beautiful.” Rey said.

“You’re beautiful,”, he replied, a grin on his lips. Rey rolled her eyes and shook her head in mock indignation.

“Rey, look at me.” Kylo said, his voice soft. She raised her head. “I’m serious”, he continued. “And I don’t just mean that you’re pretty, although you are -- very much so. I mean on the inside too. I’ve never…”

“What a long day, huh, kids?” Walker called from the control room. “Almost done, though! Ready to record your DI tracks, Kylo?”

Kylo nodded. Rey unplugged Kylo’s guitar from the amplifier into the DI box. As she knelt beside him, she heard him speak softly.

“I’ve never met anyone like you before, Rey.” he whispered to her. She glanced up and caught his eyes. They were tired, but they sparkled when he looked at her. She smiled up at him.

In the control room, Walker sat behind the soundboard, eyebrows knitted in concern. From the first time he ever spoke to Rey, he had wanted to help her succeed. Others had trouble seeing past her small-town innocence, but Walker saw straight through to Rey’s strong, brilliant mind that was yearning to learn and create. Walker knew Rey had a bright future ahead of her. She might even be able to assume responsibility for Red Five Music someday. Rey could have a successful career, if she could stay on track. Unfortunately, it looked like the girl had already stumbled upon a major roadblock on her path to success.

Walker scowled as he glared through the studio window at Kylo Ren.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Rose have a girl's day. Later that night, Rey gets a call from Kylo, but it's not exactly what she expects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all so much for reading, and for the lovely comments, both here and on tumblr.
> 
> Speaking of tumblr, please feel free to follow or message me @tickle-me-kylo
> 
> Tons of Reylo love to you all and happy TLJ digital video release day on Tuesday! WOO!!!!!!

_*** Listen to: Bad Liar - Selena Gomez -_ [ _Spotify_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/2fZQIJew3nkNe99s2PKzul) _***_

“Which one?” Rose asked.  She held up several vintage t-shirts by their hangers, quickly placing each one of them in front of her while Rey observed.

“That one!” Rey cried out as Rose held up a tee screen printed with an image from an 80s SciFi movie. Rose tossed the t-shirt in their cart and placed the others back on the rack.

“Keep an eye out for a denim vest.” Rose said. “Although I’m thinking if I can’t find the perfect one, I may just buy a denim jacket and take the sleeves off. Maybe add some safety pins or patches or something? Can I borrow your sewing machine again? Rey? Rey?”

Rey stood one rack over from Rose, her attention on a section of dresses. She had to find something to wear that weekend, for her dinner date… no, not date… her dinner with Kylo. She wondered where he would take her. She wondered if she should go with something casual, or something dressy. She wondered what his favorite color was. She wondered why she was bothering with any of this at all.

“Rey-Jay!” Rose called loudly enough to make the thrift-store cashier raise her head from her tabloid  and stare at them.

“Huh?”, she said and Rose laughed.

“ _What_ are you thinking about, boo?”, she asked as she walked over to where Rey was browsing. “Why are you looking at dresses? You hate dresses!”

Rey sighed. Rose was right, she did hate dresses. She had never worn them as a kid. Her uncle was completely unfamiliar with how to raise a little girl. He dressed her in whatever wouldn’t show the filth of the desert sand and the oil and grease of whatever piece of machinery she decided to take apart. As she got older, she never ventured too far away from the ‘comfort over style’ mentality and it had served her well.

She ran her fingers over the soft, satiny material of one of the evening dresses and, in the back of her mind, heard Kylo’s voice.

“Beautiful.” Rey whispered, remembering his words.

“It is pretty!” Rose said, snapping Rey out of her daydream. “Hey, you should try it on! And this one too! Oooo, this color would look amazing on you! OMG, this one is off the shoulder!” Rose began grabbing dress after dress off the rack. She pushed Rey towards the dressing room.

Rey tried on all the dresses and paraded in front of Rose, who critiqued each outfit as if she were the host of a fashion reality tv show. Too long. Too short. Too dark. Too sequiny. Too floral. Too ruffly. Rey walked out of the dressing room in the last dress she had to try on.

“OMG, that’s it!” Rose exclaimed and  jumped up and down and clapped her hands in front of her face. Rey looked at herself in the mirror. The dress hugged her curves, but it wasn’t too tight or uncomfortable. The top of the dress left her shoulders bare, but wasn’t so short that it seemed risque and she even liked the color. It reminded her of something, although she couldn’t think of what. She admired the fiery red fabric in the mirror as she smoothed her hands down the front of the dress.

“So, where are you going to wear it?” Rose asked, peeking around Rey’s arm at their reflection in the mirror. Rey shrugged.

“Who knows”, she said with a pang of guilt, knowing perfectly well when she’d be wearing it. “Anyway, I’ve been wanting a nice dress, just in case.”

“Totes!”, Rose agreed. “Oh! Speaking of! I’m gonna go look at bags. Finn needs a new backpack!”

Rey smiled as her energetic friend scampered off. She had just re-entered the changing room when her phone chimed.

**iMessage 1:23PM**

\-----------------  
**Kylo**

I don’t think I  
ever thanked you  
for lunch yesterday.  
So, thanks for  
lunch yesterday.  
\-----------------

 **Rey**  
No need to thank me.  
It wasn’t exactly  
filet mignon LOL  
\-----------------

 **Kylo**  
Don’t sell  
yourself short.  
those cookies  
were pretty amazing!  
\-----------------

 **Rey**  
LOL ok then,  
you’re welcome.  
Guess I know your  
weakness now!  
\-----------------

 **Kylo**  
Hmm  
I suppose you do.  
But that’s not fair.  
I don’t know yours.  
\-----------------

 **Rey**  
I’ll never tell.  
\-----------------

 **Kylo**  
We’ll see.  
\-----------------

Rey jumped when she heard a knock on the door.  Someone needed the dressing room. Rey called out an apology, quickly got dressed and exited the room. She scanned the floor of the little thrift shop until she found Rose and went to join her. Her friend had become very distracted by a display of fancy hats in the accessories section. When Rey walked up, Rose had just put on a huge, bright yellow wide-brimmed hat with a gigantic sunflower perched in front. Rey giggled at the sight.

“Rey-Jay!” Rose squealed and turned to shove a violently magenta felt hat with a very, very large bow onto Rey’s head. Before Rey had time to protest, Rose grabbed her and took a selfie.

“Don’t you…” Rey began, but before she could even get the words out of her mouth, Rose had posted the photo to at least three social media sites. “...dare.” Rey finished in vain. She was suddenly very glad she avoided social media so Rose couldn’t tag her -- or whatever it was called -- on any of the ridiculous photos she was constantly forcing Rey to take. She smiled in spite of herself as she removed the awful hat and put it back on the rack. She adored Rose and wouldn’t want the bubbly, adorable girl to be any other way than what she was. She kept Rey grounded, somehow, and Rey knew she could always count on Rose, and Finn, to be there for her no matter what. She heard a chime in her pocket, and pulled out her phone.

**iMessage 1:36PM**

\-----------------  
**Kylo**  
No response?  
Not sure how to take that.

\-----------------  
**Rey**  
Sorry. Got distracted.  
Shopping with my friend.  
\-----------------

 **Kylo**  
Looking for something  
to wear Saturday night?  
\-----------------

 **Rey**  
Why should I?  
Where are you taking me?  
\-----------------

 **Kylo**  
A little place  
in Midtown.  
I think you’ll like it.  
\-----------------

 **Rey**  
Do they have  
greasy burgers and  
orange freezes?  
\-----------------

 **Kylo**  
Haha! No, I don’t  
believe they do.  
\-----------------

 **Rey**  
Then I’ll like it.  
We’re about to leave.  
Text me later?  
\-----------------

 **Kylo**  
How about a call instead?  
\-----------------

 **Rey**  
Yeah, ok.  
\-----------------

Rey smiled as she locked her phone and tucked it back into her pocket. He wanted to call her.  The thought of hearing his deep, melodic voice again caused a warm tingling feeling in the center of her chest.

“Who was that?” Rose asked. She had finished purchasing her t-shirt and a backpack she’d found for Finn.

“Oh, just work stuff.” Rey replied. It was only a half-lie, right? She approached the cashier and paid for her red dress.  “Wanna stop for a milkshake before you drop me off?”, she continued and Rose scoffed.

“Well that’s a ridiculous question!” she said and Rey laughed.

 

 

  
Rey had just hung up her new dress in her tiny closet when her phone chimed.

**iMessage 3:52PM**

\-----------------  
**Kylo**  
Now a good time to talk?  
\-----------------

 **Rey**  
Sure!  
\-----------------

After a moment, her phone rang, but it wasn’t the normal ring. She looked down at the screen.  It was Kylo, but he was calling her on FaceTime! She briefly panicked since she wasn’t planning a video call -- what did her hair looked like? She took a deep breath and pushed the answer button.

Kylo’s face appeared on her screen and that weird warm tingle in her chest was back again.  She swallowed hard, trying to find her voice, which had suddenly abandoned her.

“Hey.” He said, completely nonchalantly, as if he did this sort of thing all the time. Rey twisted her phone to and fro, trying to center her image in the tiny window that showed what Kylo would see.

“Rey?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow. “Can you see me?” He asked. He glanced up and behind himself, trying to determine if there was enough light.

“Yeah.” She replied. “Sorry, I’ve never done this before. Can you see me?” She was moving her phone again, up and down this time, trying to get the best angle. Kylo laughed.

“I can tell. Stop moving your phone!” He instructed. Rey finally settled down, although it was apparent she felt awkward by the uncomfortable look on her face.

“I hadn’t really considered doing this.” Rey confessed. “Guess I’m old fashioned?”

“I just...” Kylo began. “I…” He paused.

“What?” Rey asked, somewhat enamored by his display of unsurety. She stared at his image on her screen. He was dressed down in an old t-shirt frayed a bit around the collar, the thin fabric clinging to his well defined chest. His hair was damp, as if he’d recently showered and hung in ringlets and wispy waves around his face. She caught herself wondering what it would feel like to run her fingers through those dark waves, or grab a handful of his hair as he…

“I just wanted to see your face, I guess”, he admitted. She smiled, but dipped her head. “You always look away when you don’t want me to see you’re embarrassed”, he said. “I wish you wouldn’t”, his voice was soft. “You’re even prettier when you blush, If that’s even possible.”

“Oh my gosh, stop!” Rey said, putting her hand over her face, which was now burning red. She peeked at him through splayed fingers. “Does this stuff actually work on other girls?”

“What, the truth?”, he asked. “No idea. Never tried it before.”

That statement, although she knew it was probably very true, also struck Rey as very sad. Kylo’s image went blurry for a moment while he moved around. When the image stabilized, his phone was on a low table in front of him and he had an acoustic guitar in his hands. He began to strum a tune. Rey reclined on the floor, one arm tucked behind her head, her phone held out in front of her with the other.

 _*** Listen to: A Stranger - A Perfect Circle -_ [ _Spotify_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/0u0B4R9mRTu91YraY9KVF7) _***_

“I wrote this today.” he told her. Rey assumed he was just going to play her the melody on his guitar, but she was shocked when he began to sing. He had amazing range, given the low pitch when he spoke, yet he sang softly, as if he was not completely confident in his voice. As Rey listened, that familiar tingly feeling in her chest grew more intense. She focused on every word that Kylo sang.

“Cast the calming apple  
Up and over satellites  
To draw out the timid wild one  
To convince you it's alright  
And I listen for the whisper  
Of your sweet insanity while I formulate  
Denials of your effect on me

You're a stranger  
So what do I care  
You vanish today  
Not the first time I hear  
All the lies

What am I to do with all this silence  
Shy away, shy away phantom  
Run away terrified child  
Won't you move away you fucking tornado  
I'm better off without you  
Tearing my will down” 

When he was finished, he continued to gently strum the guitar, eyes down.

“Whoever it was,” Rey sympathized, her voice soft with emotion “Whoever hurt you, I’m sorry.” Kylo turned his gaze to the screen. “I wish I could…”

There was a loud knocking noise on his end of the connection. Rey watched as Kylo’s face changed from melancholy to surprise to what looked like anger in mere seconds.

“There’s someone at the door”, he explained as he grabbed his phone from the table.. “I’ll text you later.”

Rey nodded in response, unsure whether Kylo had seen it or not. Before the connection ended, she saw him approach the door, and Rey could hear the voice on the other side.

“Ben? Answer the door.  I know you’re here. You cannot keep ignoring my…”

Rey’s screen went black and silent.  She sat up, tucking her legs underneath her.

Ben?  


 

  
Kylo shoved his phone in his pocket and took a deep breath. He ran both of his hands back through his hair, a futile attempt to settle his nerves and his temper. He reached for the doorknob and paused, briefly considering any other possible alternatives to opening the door. Out of options and with the banging on the outside increasing in intensity, he twisted the knob and pulled.

The woman on the other side was impeccably dressed, fashionable for her advanced age, her hair styled in a conservative updo. Considerably smaller and much shorter than Kylo, she craned her neck to look up at him. Her eyes, deep brown duplicates of his own, bore angry holes through the young man as she brushed past him into the apartment.

“Come right in”, he said snarkily, shutting the door behind her.

“I pay for it, you’re damn right I’ll come right in - any time I like.”

Kylo pressed his palms against his eyes. He could feel a headache brewing already.

“What do you want, mother?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone catch those first Force bond scene parallels? Anyone? :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's mother tells him exactly what she thinks of his lifestyle, and he responds in a less than positive fashion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> I just wanted to put a little warning here about the incredibly emotional nature of this chapter. Not everyone is going to like the dialogue here, but it was how I felt this version of Kylo and his mother would interact.
> 
> This chapter might trigger people who have issues with childhood neglect.
> 
> Thanks again for reading, and as always - your comments and kudos inspire me and keep me going!

_** I have left this chapter devoid of music suggestions because of the deeply emotional nature of the dialogue. **_

Despite her petite stature, Leia Organa Solo was a formidable woman with a personality that could fill an entire room. Leia was a successful attorney, with nearly three decades of courtroom experience. She rarely lost an argument, something her son had learned at a very young age.

“Why haven’t you been returning my calls, Ben?”, she asked now and took a seat in an overstuffed chair. Behind her, a huge window looked out over sprawling downtown Atlanta, a city Leia had spent more than half her life attempting to improve. Backlit by the orange and pink sky of the approaching dusk, she took on an almost ethereal presence. Her son looked at her now, as he always had, with trepidation tempered by a sense of awe.

“I’ve had a lot going on.” Kylo said. He didn’t even bother asking her not to call him by his given name. That was a battle Kylo had lost years ago. He leaned against the wall opposite of her, arms crossed.

“A lot going on.” Leia repeated and the sarcasm in her voice caused Kylo’s jaw to clench. “Yes, I’m sure the strip clubs and the VIP wine tastings and the trips to the Keys with the girl of the week are far more important than answering the calls of the woman who actually funds all of that.” She caught Kylo’s eyes when he shot her a glare. “I get copies of your credit card statements, son. I pay those too, remember?”

“I’m sorry.” Kylo apologized. He walked over to the sofa across from Leia and sat. He knew when to admit defeat and give her what she wanted. “I really have had a lot on my mind with finishing the tracks for the album and getting ready for Music Midtown…” Leia sighed and grasped the bridge of her nose with perfectly manicured fingers. Kylo’s voice trailed off. He could tell by her expression that his mother was not interested in his excuses.  

“Ben,” Leia appealed. “You’re going to be 30 years old in just over a week. Don’t you think it’s time to grow up, son? Don’t you think it’s time to let go of all of this band nonsense and find a career that you’re going to be able to rely on?”

Kylo leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees, resting his forehead against his fingertips. He already knew where this was going. He had done this dance with his mother before, too many times to count.  She was going to tell him to get his shit together, he was going to agree to get his shit together and she would leave him alone for a while.

“I’ll go back to school in the fall,” he said. “The album will be done next month and Music Midtown is in June. I can start looking for a place in New York at the end of the summer and…”

“No.” Leia interrupted. Kylo looked up. “You’ll start looking for a place now. I want you back at Columbia for summer semester.”

“What?” Kylo retorted. Leia gave him a warning glance. She didn’t like his tone.  “Mother, I can’t do that! We’re nearly done with the album and I can’t just abandon the band! We’ve worked for over a year for this gig. I have an obligation!”

“What you have is an obligation to me,” Leia shouted sternly. She had risen from her chair, her finger pointed towards her son. “And to the memory of your father, who, God rest his soul, I will never understand encouraging you to pursue this insanity!”

Kylo blanched at the mention of his father. He flew up from his seat, too angry to remain silent.

“Well, at least he encouraged me”, he spat accusingly. His mother dropped her finger and placed her hands on her hips. She had opened her mouth to contravene, but Kylo didn’t give her a chance to speak.

“I know you still think of me as a child, mother”, he said. He controlled the volume of his words, but the waver in his voice gave away his emotion. “I know you think my music is just a hobby -- something I do as a diversion to real life, or just to piss you off, maybe? But I promise you, It’s not.” He pointed to a laptop sitting on the coffee table next to him. “The album we’re about to finish is going to take this band to the next level.  By the beginning of next year, Starkiller could be touring nationwide.”

“Could be”, Leia repeated. “And what if the album flops? What if you’re not touring nationwide? Are you just going to keep doing what you’re doing -- playing local shows for pennies and recording albums that no one buys until you’re my age?” She shook her head in frustration. “Your father’s company needs you, Ben. He would have wanted you to take his place. He would have wanted...”

“He wanted me to be happy!” Ben yelled. Why did she have to keep bringing up his father? It was as if she wanted to see how far she could push him. “And he knew as well as you do that running his company was never going to be my thing. That’s why he cared about my music. That’s why he came to our shows.”

The shocked expression on Leia’s face told Kylo she did not know that Han had come to the Starkiller gigs. She dipped her head. Kylo knew that remembering him was just as painful for her as it was for him. He also knew he could offer her no solace. Not after what had happened. Not after what he had done.

“You have a choice, son”, Leia said. She didn’t raise her head when she spoke. Her voice sounded tired. “Be back at school for summer semester, get your degree and start a reliable career - whether it’s with your father’s company or not. Or find another way to pay for…” Leia glanced around her and waved her hand, a bit more dramatically than was usual for her. “For all of this.”

Kylo was about to open his mouth to say something he would have regretted when a knock at the door stopped him. He let out an exasperated breath and walked to the door, angrily throwing it open without looking to see who it was.

A young man stood on the other side, his fist still in mid-air from his knock on the door.  Conservatively dressed in a button down shirt, tie, slacks, and high-end overcoat, his hair was combed straight and flat, although uncooperative wisps here and there gave away the curls he was attempting to tame. He gave Kylo a toothy smile.

“Hey, Ben!”, the man said. “How’s it going? Is your mom…”

Without a word, Kylo turned from the door, leaving it standing wide open. The young man entered, a bit hesitant, closing the door behind him. He visibly relaxed when he saw Leia.

“What is it, Poe?”, she asked. Her tone wasn’t irate, but her body language reflected the obvious tension in the room.

“We just got a call from Washington that you’re going to want to return as soon as possible.” Poe said, bending his head close to Leia, his voice hushed. Kylo sunk back down onto the sofa and cut his eyes toward his mother and her assistant. Kylo and Pedro Daminguez, whom his mother had nick-named Poe, had never gotten along. It seemed to Kylo that Leia enjoyed parading Poe's loyalty, as well as his successes in front of Kylo whenever the opportunity presented itself. “And it looks like we’re going to have to move the date for the campaign fundraiser back a week. I can explain in the car.”

“Ok, thank you.” Leia said and then turned away from Kylo to whisper to Poe in confidence. Kylo rolled his eyes. When their conversation finished, Poe took his leave, exiting with a nod and a cordial smile to Kylo, who gave no response.

“And there he goes.” Kylo blurted sarcastically. “The perfect son she wishes she had.”

“Ben.” Leia said, her tone soft but pleading. “Everything I have ever done, or asked you to do, was because I love you — because I want what’s best for you. You are my son, Ben. The only one I will ever have.”

Kylo remained silent, his eyes on his hands, his fingers fidgeting. Leia figured she had heard all she would hear from him in that moment, and turned to leave.

“Everything you have ever done, or told me to do, was because you were too busy to spare a moment of time for me, or because I was in the way of something you wanted.” Kylo began. He kept his eyes on his hands, his expression thoughtful but dark, as if remembering an unhappy memory. “Every time you sent me to my room because the noise of me playing near you was breaking your concentration while you were researching for a trial. Every moment I spent at home with a sitter or the housekeeper because dad was in Hong Kong and you were with a client. Every microwave dinner I ate alone because you practically lived at the firm, day and night and dad couldn't stand it either so he jumped at every opportunity to be anywhere but here. When you shipped me off to Columbia because you were afraid I would embarrass you while you waited to be made partner.  And now… let’s sweep the problem under the rug yet again before he makes mommy look bad while she runs for Senate.” He rose from the sofa and brushed past Leia, who stood silent, her expression wrought with hurt. “Don’t fret, mother. You won’t have to worry about me ruining things for you. Why do you think I go by a different name? I don’t want anyone to know I’m a part of this shit family either.”

Kylo stepped into the kitchen and took a glass from the cabinet and prepared to pour himself a drink.  Unable to respond to her son’s furious monologue, Leia retreated to the door. She paused for a moment, her hand perched on the doorknob, desperate for a word -- any word, that she could offer in response. Much to the surprise of both her and her son, Leia Organa Solo was, for once in her life, speechless. She exited the apartment in silence. Kylo watched the door shut behind his mother, as he had a thousand times before. He threw the glass in his hand before he had even considered doing so, and it shattered on the wall beside the door.

He didn’t even remember walking back to his sofa, but suddenly he was lying on it. He hugged one of the satiny throw pillows against his chest, his long legs pulled up underneath himself as far as the limitations of his size, as well as the sofa’s, would allow. Dusk was rapidly fading to night, and Kylo watched as the sky melted from deep magenta, to purple, to indigo. He stared at the vast, blank, blackness and thought about how he missed the stars that the artificial lights of the city stole from the night sky. For a split second, he was a child again, alone, afraid, and confused, desperately yearning for contact… for someone to offer him a word of kindness, or a compassionate touch.

A soft chime sounded from his hip pocket. He reached back and retrieved his phone, more of a reflex than a reaction in his current state of mind.  
**  
****iMessage 7:49PM**  
\-----------------  
**Rey**  
_You ok?_  
\-----------------

Kylo stared at the screen. He pictured Rey in his mind at that moment, sitting on her tiny bed in that shoebox of an apartment. She deserved so much more. He pictured her face, her perfect skin, the smattering of faded freckles across her nose and cheeks. He wondered if her hair was down, or pulled up in those crazy buns and how it smelled of coconut and vanilla. He wished she was there with him now, that slip of a girl he had first met only days ago... that fierce, fiery, unafraid and unadulterated young woman who allowed him to get under her skin while simultaneously refusing to let him breach her innermost walls. He would have held her as tightly as the pillow in his arms. He wondered if she would have let him.

 **iMessage 7:51PM**  
\-----------------  
**Kylo**  
_Not really._  
\-----------------

 **Rey**  
_Why?_  
_What’s wrong?_  
\-----------------

 **Kylo**  
_It’s complicated._  
_Family bullshit._  
_Can I call?_  
\-----------------

It startled him when his phone rang. She hadn’t bothered to reply to his text and instead had answered his obvious plea on her own. He was shaking, his body coming down from the adrenaline of the encounter with his mother paired with the intense relief he felt when he hit the receive button.

“Just talk to me”, he said. No greeting, no explanation.

“About what?” Rey asked. She had already deduced that he would not want to talk about it, yet she desperately wanted to help.

“Anything”, he replied. “Tell me about shopping earlier.”

She knew in reality he couldn’t care less about that subject matter, but she launched into the story nonetheless. She did not omit a single detail, except for the description of the pretty red dress. That, she told Kylo, he would have to wait and see.

He lay curled on his sofa, the bright lights of the vast Atlanta skyline casting odd glows and shadows across his cavernous and empty apartment. He grasped the pillow in his arms and pretended it was Rey.

Just a few miles away, the feisty girl with the freckles unwittingly talked the lonely boy with the dark eyes off a ledge she wasn’t even aware he was teetering on.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey go on their first date and learn they have more in common than either of them knew.

_*** Listen to: Amongst the Waves - Pearl Jam -_ [ _Spotify_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/0a9hQd3e5yTnwitoIJwiAq) _***_

Kylo checked his reflection in the mirror before flipping the visor back up. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a quick look around the car. He had had it detailed that afternoon, so every surface of the black leather interior was pristine. He realized with sudden vexation that he was stalling getting out of the car. He flipped the visor back down and checked his teeth, then ran his hand back through his hair. Twice. He was nervous. How was that even possible? He couldn’t remember the last time, if there had ever even been a time, he was nervous about a girl. He slammed his head back on the headrest and sighed. This was ridiculous, it was only dinner. With Rey. Just the thought of her name caused every nerve in his body to flare with a great deal of intensity. He took a deep breath, realizing it was now or never, opened the door and stepped out of the car.

Rey checked her reflection in the mirror before turning off her bathroom light. She smoothed her hands down the front of her dress and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She heard a car pull up outside, but there were no windows on that side of her apartment. It was only 6:20. He wasn’t supposed to pick her up until 6:30. She wondered if she should just go ahead and go downstairs to wait. She ran back into her bathroom, switched on the light and checked her eyeliner and mascara in the mirror. She wasn’t used to wearing makeup. Why was she so nervous? She could feel her heartbeat in her throat as she swallowed hard. Maybe she should text him to see if he was close. But if he were driving… She heard a knock on the door downstairs. He was there! She took a deep breath and one more look in the mirror, quickly practicing her smile. It was now or never.  She exited her apartment and walked down the stairs.

When Rey stepped outside, Kylo let out the breath he did not realize he had been holding since he knocked on the door. She was stunning -- heart-stoppingly so. The dress she had on was a deep red. His favorite color. How could she have known? But even though the color of the dress was sultry, the cut of it was decorous. The length was just above her knees and the fabric gently hugged her shape, but still left plenty to the imagination. Strapless, but not too low cut, it revealed a field of light auburn freckles across her chest and shoulders. Her hair was down and softly styled, one strand of which had fallen down into her face, which he noticed was fresh and as softly done as her hair, although a conservative bit of eyeliner and mascara made her hazel eyes glow.

A single thought crossed his mind as he stared at her, trying to remember how to speak.

_‘You do not deserve her.’_

“Hey!”, he finally coaxed out of his mouth and when he heard how utterly stupid he sounded, he inwardly cringed.

“Hey!”, Rey said back. Even her lips were perfect when she smiled, her shiny, clear lip gloss revealing the natural pinkess of her mouth beneath, which Kylo could not seem to stop staring at.

_‘She is too good for you.’_

“You…You look beautiful”, he said. He felt like every word out of his mouth sounded like a nervous 12-year-old boy. His hands were shaking, so he shoved them in his pockets to keep her from seeing.

_‘You will only hurt her.’_

“Thank you”, she replied and again she smiled that genuine, beaming smile that caused her nose to crinkle. Rey eyed Kylo from head to toe in an overly-obvious way that she meant more as a joke, but as she did, she realized just how incredibly handsome he looked. His dark gray suit was expensively tailored but casual. The arms of his jacket were pushed up to reveal his well defined forearms. The light gray button-down shirt that he wore had a slight sheen to it, and he had left it unbuttoned at the neck since he had opted for no tie. It was a look that might have made others seem pretentious, but he pulled it off magnificently and just looked… she unconsciously ran her tongue over the inner edge of her bottom lip. “You look very nice.”

“Thanks”, Kylo replied. They paused, the awkward silence between them deafening.

_‘How long will it be before you throw her away like the others?’_

“I guess we should get going”, he said, and turned slightly. As an afterthought he stuck out his arm. Rey giggled and slipped her arm through his, even though they were only walking twenty feet to his car.

“Whoa!” Rey exclaimed so loudly that it startled Kylo and he looked around for the source of her excitement. “Is that an Audi R8?!” She let go of his arm and literally ran to his car. She raised her hand to touch the sleek, black surface of the automobile, then jerked it back, as if touching the car might offend it somehow. Kylo shook his head in silent amazement and gave a little chuckle. She knew cars too? Of course she did. Why wasn’t he surprised?

“It is”, he answered, walking up to stand beside her. “2015 R8 Quattro.”

“V8 or V10?”, she asked. Her eyes were running up and down the length of the car in a way that he could only pray she would look at him one day.

“V10”, he replied. Her reaction was refreshing. Usually, girls only saw the car for its price tag, not for the incredible performance vehicle it actually was.

“So what…?” Rey began and he could almost hear the gears turning in her head. “500 horsepower?  520?”

“540”, he informed. He noticed with sudden embarrassment that their exchange was starting to arouse him.

“Shut… up!”, she retorted. Her ear-to-ear grin was a mirror image of his.

“This might sound crazy, but… you can get in if you want.” Kylo said and unlocked the car with the fob in his hand. It beeped in response. Rey looked up at him like she genuinely had not considered the idea until just then. Kylo walked over to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for her.    

Rey nearly dove into the car head-first before remembering she was wearing a dress. She straightened, gave a little laugh, then politely stepped into the car, smoothing her dress beneath her as she sat. Kylo shut the door behind her and walked around the front of the car. He pulled the driver’s side door open and slid into the car, nearly colliding with Rey who was leaning over to check out the instrument panel.

“Sorry”, she said softly with an abashed grin, moving back over to sit in her seat.

“No, it’s ok.” Kylo said. “Take a look!” He pushed the car’s ignition button and the engine fired to life, quickly settling to a purr. The instrument panel lit up, casting a cobalt blue glow across the dashboard. Kylo watched as Rey’s eyes lit up to match.

“Standard instrument placement”, he began. He didn’t bother elaborating because he knew she would already know. “The on-board computer is touch-screen and has GPS, satellite and links up with the apps on my phone.” Rey’s eyes followed as he pointed out each feature. He put his hand on the gear shift knob, his fingers brushing against her hand which was resting on the center console. “Are you familiar with the S tronic transmission?” he asked.

“Automatic, right? 7-speed?”, she asked. He shook his head, strangely pleased that he had an opportunity to teach her something.

“Not exactly”, he explained. “Yes, it’s a 7-speed, but it has the convenience of an automatic with the performance of a manual. It’s dual-clutch and both transmission structures are always active, but only one is connected to the engine at a time. So, say I want to accelerate in third gear -- the fourth gear is already engaged in the second transmission structure. The shifting process takes place as the clutch changes and literally only takes a hundredth of a second. There’s zero interruption of traction.”

He turned to Rey when he had finished speaking and he could detect a mischievous glint in her eyes, even in the low glow of the dashboard lights.

“Show me”, she whispered, clicking her seat belt in place.

Kylo threw the car into gear while trying to remember if he had ever heard two sexier words in his life. The tires squealed as he hit the gas to exit the parking lot and Rey let out a little squeal of her own, hands raised above her head, as if she’d just embarked on the best amusement park ride ever.

Kylo had not planned on taking the freeway to their dinner destination, but he headed to the nearest onramp now, fueled by Rey’s infectious, excited laughter. Luckily Atlanta’s notorious traffic had died down enough so that he could actually accelerate to an impressive speed. They raced down I-75, the car’s V10 engine whining and humming as its computer-aided transmission expertly switched gears in response to Kylo’s acceleration and deceleration. It was as if man and machine were one and the same, each in perfect tune and time with the other.

Rey stole glances at Kylo as he drove and tried to remember if she had ever seen anything hotter in her life. He was hyper-focused, head slightly lowered, eyes trained on the road in front of him. His hands gripped the steering wheel firmly, but not too tightly, so that he could feel even the slightest change in the road. Strangely, as she careened down an inner-city freeway at an entirely illegal speed with this man she could hardly claim to know well, Rey had never felt safer.

By the time Kylo pulled off the freeway, they were nearly late for dinner. Normally, reservations at Bacchanalia, the most exclusive restaurant in midtown, had to be made at least a month in advance, if not more. He had pulled quite a few strings and even called in a personal favor to get a reservation for that night. He sped down Chattahoochee Avenue as fast as he could, with only minutes left to spare, before getting stopped by a red light as he prepared to turn onto the restaurant’s road.

“Oh my gosh”, Rey said suddenly. He loved how those simple words sounded. She was happy and excited and the emotions were clearly evident in the sweet lilt of her voice. “I think I know where we’re going!”

Kylo smiled as he glanced at her, quite proud of himself. Bacchanalia reservations were the envy of everyone in Atlanta, as were their Michelin-level artisan dishes prepared by world renowned chefs. Maybe he would order the tableside caviar service. He tried to remember the wine that would pair best with caviar. The light flashed green and he turned onto the road leading to the restaurant.

“Yes!”, Rey exclaimed, lightly clapping her hands in front of her face, a move she had stolen from Rose. “Tacos!”

Wait. What? Kylo looked at Rey, confused. He followed her gaze out the front of the windshield and to the right, to the cantina across the street.

“Fin…” Rey nearly said her friend’s name when she remembered why that might be a bad idea. “Friends… of mine have told me how awesome Bone Garden is. I’ve been wanting to come here for months! I freaking love tacos! And they have street tacos!” She looked at Kylo, as if he should be as amazed by this fact as she was. “Street tacos!”, she repeated for emphasis. Her smile was ridiculously big. “How cool is that?”

Kylo turned his eyes back to the road, utterly perplexed. The turn into the Bacchanalia parking lot came up on the left. The turn into the Bacchanalia parking lot then passed on the left as he drove down the road to Bone Garden Cantina. He would probably never be able to get reservations to Bacchanalia again, but the threat of that was not nearly enough to make him disappoint the beautiful, taco-craving girl next to him.

They decided to sit out on the cantina’s patio as it was much quieter than the crowded indoor seating and the late spring air was warm, with just a hint of a breeze. The patio tables were lit by strings of small, colorful light bulbs draped on the awnings overhead. Rey observed the lights, and everything around them with a sense of wonderment. Kylo sat back and observed Rey with a similar sense.

“I hear the owners of this place go to Mexico every year to buy exclusive tequila barreled specifically for this restaurant.” Kylo mentioned, looking over the drink menu. “How about a margarita?”

Rey’s head shot up, eyes wide, smile fading. “I… uhh….” She looked back down at the menu. “I think I’ll wait on that. I really want to try a horchata.”

Kylo shrugged and when the waiter came to their table he ordered himself a margarita on the rocks with the exclusive tequila, an iced horchata for Rey, and shrimp ceviche as an appetizer for them to share. Rey raised her eyebrows.

“Ooooh, so fancy!”, she said, and for a moment he thought she was being facetious, but when he saw the expression on her face, he realized she was genuinely impressed. She was impressed by an eight dollar shrimp appetizer. He wondered what she would have thought of the hundred-and-fifty dollar tableside caviar at Bacchanalia.

Kylo leaned forward and rested his forearms on the table, watching the girl across from him as she read the dinner menu like it was a romance novel. Suddenly, and for no real reason, he was overcome by a feeling he had never had before. It was so foreign and unexpected, it threatened to overwhelm him. He wanted to give this girl everything. He wanted to give her every single thing and every amazing experience she had never had, or ever wanted to have. He wanted her draped in the finest clothes that money could buy, her hair flying wildly around her as she drove a ‘68 Shelby convertible down Peachtree street. He wanted her to sip champagne as she sunned herself on a yacht off the coast of Cabo. He wanted the reflection of fireworks to spark in her eyes as she watched them explode over the Eiffel Tower, diamonds in her ears and emeralds around her neck.  But most unexpected of all was an absolutely overwhelming desire to be right by her side for every second of it.

“What?”, Rey giggled. She had glanced up from the menu and seen the look on his face as he stared at her. He widened his smile and gently shook his head back and forth, keeping his eyes locked with hers.

“Nothing”, he replied. His voice was soft. She always blushed whenever he spoke to her in that tone of voice, and, as if on queue, her cheeks began to redden. “Thank you for coming out with me tonight,” he said. The look in his eyes was so sincere that Rey found herself taken aback. Did he just thank her for coming on a date with him? She found the gesture odd, but incredibly sweet.

“You’re welcome”, she said honestly. She didn’t want to taint the moment with humor or insincerity. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

Their server brought their drinks and appetizer then, and took their dinner orders -- Rey ordered the chile picante tacos (after emphatically ensuring the waiter that she did, in fact, like very spicy food), Kylo decided on the brisket enchiladas and they each ordered a side of the Mexican street corn. As soon as the waiter walked away, Rey grabbed her spoon and dug into the shrimp appetizer like she never expected to see food again in her life. She rolled her eyes when the tartness of the lime hit her tongue, and uttered a pleasured moan that caused Kylo to look away as he felt heat rise beneath the collar of his shirt. He cleared his throat. It was that time during a dinner date when small talk should be made, and he was the world’s worst at conversation, especially with someone as intriguing as Rey.

“So what made you decide on the Audi?” Rey said, as if sensing their need for a topic of conversation. Why did she have to ask that particular question, though?

“I had been interested in that model since they released the concept vehicle”, he replied. Memories flashed in the back of his mind of him and his father test driving cars together one summer weekend, terrifying unsuspecting car salesmen as they each took turns flying down Atlanta streets, windows down, stereo blasting classic rock music as they whooped and hollered like teenagers about who could reach the highest speed before getting caught by a red light. He remembered when they had driven the Audi that was now in his possession and how his father’s eyes had lit up when Ben was behind the wheel, ‘This is the one, son’, he had said and Ben had nodded in wholehearted agreement. Han had made the downpayment on the car before Ben could even argue and dropped the keys in his son’s hands and said ‘Go get ‘em, kid!” before clapping both hands down on his shoulders -- the Han Solo version of a father/son hug.

“When did you get so interested in cars?” Kylo asked, desperate to move the conversation away from himself, and the memories he couldn’t bare.

“Mmph,” Rey sputtered, her mouth full of ceviche. She swallowed and wiped her mouth with her napkin. “When I was a kid”, she continued. “My uncle…” she paused, her mind flooded with memories of a lonely childhood spent in the filth and clutter of a vast desert junkyard, her only friends her portable CD player, a few scratched CDs, and the tools that allowed her to disassemble and create. She could almost hear her uncle’s crass voice screaming obscenities at her as she strolled into the shack they called home after a day of exploring and searching for treasures in the blistering sun -- his dinner was not yet on the table, he would remind her with a swift backhand and what the hell did he keep her around for, anyway? “My uncle had a lot of old cars, and he let me work on them. Over time, I learned how they worked and how to fix them when they didn’t work. It was sort of a weird hobby, I guess.”

“So you like classic cars, then?” Kylo asked and Rey nodded. “What’s your favorite make and model?”, he inquired.

“Guess.” She said with that same mischievous sparkle. He was really starting to like it when she got that look in her eyes.

“Hmmmm…”, he hummed as he thought for a moment, remembering his earlier vision. “65 Corvette Stingray convertible”, he guessed. Rey’s head popped up, her eyes wide in wonderment.

“How did you…? That… that’s incredible!”, she gasped, but she couldn’t keep a straight face and she smirked. “Incredibly wrong.” She could have sworn he looked disappointed. “Way too lightweight”, she continued. “Give me a 1970 Chevelle SS - Holley four-barrel, solid lifters, four-bolt mains, forged steel crank and aluminum pistons. Did you know that no other production engine ever had a higher factory horsepower rating? THAT is a car! Oh, and I’ll take that in green mist, thank you. Matches my eyes. I rebuilt my first Chevelle carburetor the summer after my eleventh birthday”, she reminisced, a far-away look in her eye. “I loved that car.”

Kylo sat, his mouth slightly agape, having yet again been stunned by this fascinating woman who may have actually been the most interesting person who had every paid attention to him.

“What about you?” Rey asked, looking at him with upturned eyes. She was seriously beginning to enjoy this game of him asking her about things, and she responding by blowing his mind. Never had a man, or anyone, for that matter, paid this much attention to her. She was not used to being listened to.  She was not used to anyone caring about what she always thought were her stupid obsessions and ridiculous hobbies. “What’s your favorite classic?”

Kylo took a sip of his margarita and thought for a moment. He looked at Rey and that same overwhelming sense of need crept up again. In that moment he made a conscious decision. He _would_ give her everything. Everything.

“When I was about twelve years old, my dad brought home this 66 Mustang fastback.” Kylo began. He held onto his glass as he spoke, watching the ice cubes as he swirled them around slowly. “No idea where he got it. It was a total rusted-out piece of junk, but dad was in love with it. My mother was mortified, and she wouldn’t let it stay in the driveway, so he and I spent an entire weekend cleaning out the garage so we’d have a place to put it. We worked on it all summer long and it still looked like crap, but the engine purred like a kitten by the time school started. We worked on it on-and-off every summer from then on. We took it in to have it painted the August before I went to Columbia. He let me pick the color. Vintage burgundy.”

“What happened to it?” Rey asked. “After…” Her voice sounded sad, and when he looked up at her, the expression on her face was one of genuine concern. She didn’t know how to ask what she wanted to know, and her hazel eyes searched his, trying to gauge his reaction.

“After he died?”, Kylo asked and Rey nodded the slightest of nods. “Even though my mother despised that car when dad brought it home... after he died, you couldn’t have pried it away from her. It’s still in the garage. I don’t even know the last time anyone cranked it up.”

The waiter brought their food just as Kylo had finished talking and Rey’s excitement was palpable. They ate their dinners and talked a bit about the Starkiller album. Kylo told Rey that he had been working on the final mixing and effects of the tracks and seven of the ten were sitting completed on his laptop at home, with an eighth track halfway there. He was confident that all the tracks would be done by the end of the following week.

“That’s so cool”, Rey exclaimed. “I can’t believe I helped produce an album! I can’t wait to hear it when it’s done. When will it go on sale?”

“Music Midtown.” Kylo told her. “We’ll be playing the 105.7 stage.” Rey had been about to pop a tortilla chip in her mouth but she stopped, mouth open, chip held in her motionless fingers.

“Shut. Up!” she said softly, completely incredulous. “You guys are playing Music Midtown? That’s amazing! That’s… that’s insane!”

Kylo smiled that cocky smile that told Rey she was stroking his ego. But in this case, he kind of deserved it. Music Midtown was one of the largest music festivals in the south, drawing in over a hundred thousand music fans and in just the last couple of years had seen acts such as Twenty One Pilots, Imagine Dragons, and (one of Rey’s personal faves) the Foo Fighters.

Their discussion tumbled back and forth from cars to music and back again as they enjoyed their food. They both began to ask about and discuss all the silly little facts that every participant in a budding romance suddenly finds fascinating. He inquired about her favorite movie ( _The Princess Bride_ ) and she inquired about his favorite album ( _Superunknown_ by Soundgarden) and so-on until he inquired about her favorite author.

“I suppose that would depend on if we’re talking about fiction or non-fiction”, she surmised. “But overall, I would have to say the author I’ve read the most of is Carl Jung.”

Kylo did an actual, physical double-take. He leaned forward, resting his arms on the table, once again utterly intrigued.

“When I was around seventeen, I found some old books by Jung in the junkya…” she paused and rephrased. “In some old junk that belonged to my uncle. I was looking for old books to rip apart use for some crazy art project I was working on. But I began to flip through the books first and I read a few passages. I’m glad I did. I became so interested that I rescued those books and read every one of them cover to cover. I never did finish that art project.” she laughed softly.

“I picked up Jung my first year of college.” Kylo told her in response. “Psych 101, of course. Every first-year college kid reads Jung and thinks he’s enlightened, but several of his quotes and passages stuck with me, so a couple of years ago, I picked him back up again. I…”, he began, but paused, unsure of how to finish. “I find comfort in knowing that we, as humans, all share some form of darkness, regardless of how that darkness came to us and regardless of whether we choose to admit it or not.” He ended with a Jung quote. “There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”

“Agreed”, Rey replied. “Although I refuse to believe that even the worst of us are irredeemable of that darkness.” Rey added and countered with her own quote. “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.”

“No offense, but that philosophy is usually adopted by those who are in denial”, he said, regretting the bold words as soon as he had said them. He glanced at her, awaiting the defensive sass she would surely fire his way. Instead, she sat back in her chair and smiled softly.

“Quite the opposite”, she explained. “Darkness and I are on a first-name basis. My entire childhood was pain. I have accepted that”, she said it so matter-of-factly that it made Kylo wince. “And yes, that pain helped to shape who I am. I do not doubt that, nor do I deny it. However, there’s nothing I can do to change my past. What I can do, however, is choose to live my life in the light, despite the darkness that molded me. I am not what happened to me...” she ended, once again with a favorite Jung quote.

“...I am what I choose to become”, Kylo finished.

  

 

 _*** Listen to: Good Enough - Evanescence -_[ _Spotify_](https://open.spotify.com/track/0eHxqgbpr2ptXQtw8Ab3ve?si=esTcxTwjSXaX2N4HhutoqA) _***_  

Kylo pulled the Audi into the back parking lot of Red Five Music. He wasn’t ready for this to end. He wasn’t ready to let her go, to watch her walk away from him and shut the door behind her. He wasn’t ready to get back into his car and go back to his empty apartment. He wasn’t ready to be without her for the rest of the long night. He wasn’t ready.

He put the car in park but left the engine running. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her turn and look at him and he turned to face her. The look on her face was hard to read. She locked eyes with him - she was never afraid to look him in the eye and her expression was soft, but she did not smile.

Rey stared into Kylo’s eyes, but did not know what to say. She wasn't ready for this to end. She wasn’t ready to let him go, to walk away from him and shut the door behind her.  She wasn’t ready to let him get back into his car and drive away without her. She wasn’t ready to be without him for the rest of the long night. She wasn’t ready.

Purely on instinct she picked up her left hand which had been in her lap and moved it to the center console, closer to his hand, which rested on the gear shift. Her eyes locked with his, she felt him move his hand so that it rested next to hers. His pinky finger brushed against hers.

“I had fun tonight”, she said softly, brushing her pinky against his in response.

“I’m glad”, he replied. “I’d like to take you out again sometime.”

“Sometime soon, I hope?”, she asked, instantly embarrassed at how forward that sounded. She glanced down. She felt him move his hand closer to hers so that they were touching now.

“There’s a Starkiller gig at the Masquerade next Saturday”, he told her. “I can put you on the guest list if you’d like to come.”

“That would be awesome!”, she replied, although she couldn’t really think of anything else in that moment other than the way his hand felt against hers.

“Oh, and…”, he paused and gently moved his pinky finger underneath hers. “There’s a thing at my place after the gig. It’s not a big deal, just a get together for my birthday. If you wanted to…”

“Wouldn’t miss it”, she said and crooked her pinky around his.

“Cool”, he said. He moved his hand further under hers and turned it over so their palms were touching. Her hands were delicate but strong and he was surprised at how soft they were. 

“Cool”, she mimicked. She laced her fingers in between his. Her hand was dwarfed in his, and she couldn’t help but think about what it would feel like to have those massive hands hold her, caress her, or…

A rapping sound on the driver’s side window made them both jump, their hands flew apart.  Kylo pushed the button that let the window down, and Walker was there.

“Oh, hey guys!”, he said when he saw Kylo and Rey, “Didn’t know it was you.” He leaned his arms against the window, that goofy Walker grin on his face. “I was just locking up and didn’t recognize the car, thought I’d better check it out.” He paused, but was met with silence. “Got your keys, Rey? Back door is all locked up.”

“Yep!” Rey managed to croak.

“Okie doke.” Walker said and turned to leave. “Have a good night!” He gave a little wave above his head as he walked to his car, a beat up, ancient Volkswagen. He hopped in, cranked it… once… twice… thrice, and drove away.

Kylo grinned at the weirdness of the unexpected interruption as he rolled his window back up. When he turned back to Rey, she had slid down in her seat, her entire face covered with her hands.

“Oh”, she moaned, obviously mortified. “Ohhhhh, no.”

“Rey,” Kylo cooed. He wanted to try and soothe her, but deep down, he was trying to keep from laughing. “Rey?”

She peeked at him through her fingers and suddenly burst into peals of laughter.

“I swear, if I didn’t know better, I’d think he planned that.” Kylo said, shaking his head.

“I didn’t even know he was going to be here!” Rey said, scooting back up in her seat, her eyes glistening from tears of laughter. “He wasn’t here when I left. He comes and goes a lot.  Acts like he owns the place”, she rolled her eyes sarcastically.

“I thought you were upset there for a second.” Kylo said. He was upset at the old man for ruining the moment, but he knew Rey already had concerns about what Walker might think, given that Kylo was a client and Rey his employee. She shrugged.

“Last time I checked, I’m a grown woman.” She said, setting her shoulders straight. “I am perfectly capable of separating my personal life from my professional life. And I will be more than happy to explain that to Walker if he feels the need to discuss it.”

Kylo raised his eyebrows at her spirited tenacity. For a split second, the directness of her speech reminded him of his mother. As he stared at Rey, he realized she was even more beautiful when she got that feisty look in her eyes.

“Walk me to the door?”, she asked. His heart fell.

“Of course!”, he responded. He opened his door, surprised at how much the air had cooled since their time on the cantina patio. He walked around the car and opened her door, but this time, offered his hand to help her out. Rey placed her hand in his and lifted herself up, but when she rose to stand beside him, she didn’t let go. He shut the car door and they walked to the back door of the studio, hand in hand.

“So I guess I’ll see you next weekend?”, he said. They were standing in front of the door, and he turned to face her. She smiled up at him and nodded.

“Text me when you get home?” Rey asked. He felt her lightly squeeze his hand. “I’m a worrier. I’ll worry. 

“As soon as I walk in my door, you’ll be the first to know”, he replied. He took a tiny step towards her, afraid of moving too quickly. He didn’t want to do anything to shorten what time he still had left with her that night.

Rey’s back was against the door, and she remembered with some amusement how only a few short days ago she would have been annoyed at Kylo for standing so close. But not now, not ever again. He reached down and took her other hand in his.

“So…”, he started, but he didn’t know what to say next, which completely unnerved him.

“Whatever you’re thinking”, she began. She heard the words coming out of her mouth, but they didn’t sound like her. They didn’t sound like anything she thought she would ever say and she loved it. “Stop thinking and do it.”

His lips were on hers before either of them had time to prepare. She went up on her tiptoes, her arms snaking around his neck as he leaned into her, his hands finding their way around her waist. In another life, with another girl, Kylo would have pushed harder, taken the kiss much further, but he dared not with Rey. The sweetness of it intoxicated him.  

When their lips parted, Rey opened her eyes to his staring back at her -- so dark, yet his gaze was as warm as his embrace. Her fingers were twirling around the locks of his hair that fell down his neck and she suddenly realized that it was exactly as soft as she had dreamed it would be.

“I was hoping you’d do that”, Rey whispered. She had leaned back slightly, no longer balancing on her toes, but she kept her arms up and around Kylo’s neck, not yet wanting to break that bond.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t want me to”, he replied, but he smiled when he said it. He already knew his fears had been unfounded. “So, where do we go from here?”, he asked.

“For now,” she responded, her eyes never leaving his. “I’ll go inside, and you’ll go home and I’ll miss you and you’ll miss me and we’ll probably send some embarrassingly mushy texts back and forth. But then, it will be next weekend.”

“And then what?”, he asked. The concept of this perfect girl actually wanting him was threatening to drive him mad.

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see.” Rey said and closed her eyes, then pulled him to her for an embrace. She had purposefully placed her arms underneath his jacket and she wrapped them tightly around him, her head on his chest. Utterly taken aback by this gesture, Kylo hesitated for a moment, then wrapped his arms around her shoulders in response. It had been so long since anyone had held him. He leaned his head down and brushed his cheek against her hair. Coconuts and vanilla. He closed his eyes and pulled her closer, and he could have sworn time stood still, just for a moment.

And in that moment, for the first time in so very, very long, Kylo Ren did not feel alone.

 

 **Message 11:39PM  
** \-----------------

 **Kylo**  
_Just got home._  
_You were right._  
\-----------------

 **Rey**  
_About what?  
_ \-----------------

 **Kylo**  
_I miss you.  
_ \-----------------

 **Rey**  
_I miss you too. :)_  
Call me tomorrow?  
\-----------------

 **Kylo**  
_As you wish._  
\-----------------


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey discovers she's made a big mistake, and the solution won't be easy!

_*** Listen to: Poetic - Seinabo Sey -_ [ _Spotify_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/2ihLzOOhbP7war6Zd2pLts) _***_

Rey felt like the week both crawled and flew by. She worked in the studio each day, thankful for the tasks that kept her preoccupied, else her school-girl level anticipation for the weekend might drive her insane. Mercifully, Walker had not brought up seeing her with Kylo the weekend before. Rey had practiced her little speech, but dreaded having to actually use it, should the time come.

As she had foreseen, a littony of mushy texts kept Rey and Kylo’s phones buzzing and chirping during the day. Each night they would talk, usually for hours and after they were both in bed, right before they went to sleep, they would video call. Soon, it had become their nightly ritual -- the thing they both looked most forward to.

Saturday morning found Rey in her kitchen making blueberry pancakes, another ritual she enjoyed, but one that was also bittersweet.  Distant memories of her five-year-old self, standing on a chair beside her mother as they mixed fragrant blueberries into a big bowl of pancake batter fluttered through her mind, as delicate as butterfly wings. She was afraid those memories would one day fade away completely, so every Saturday morning, she remembered. She popped a blueberry into her mouth just as her phone chirped beside her.

**iMessage 9:03AM  
** \-----------------

**Kylo  
** _Morning, beautiful._  
 _Excited about tonight?_  
\-----------------

**Rey  
** _You’re up early!_  
 _And why should I be?_  
 _What’s tonight?_  
\-----------------

**Kylo  
** _Haha, very funny.  
_ \-----------------

**Kylo  
** _You’re kidding, right?  
_ \-----------------

  
Rey grinned. She loved messing with him. It was just too easy sometimes.

\-----------------

**Kylo  
** _Rey?_  
 _Please tell me you’re kidding._  
\-----------------

**Rey  
** _Easy there, birthday boy._  
_Of course I’m kidding._  
_And of COURSE I’m excited!_  
\-----------------  
  
Rey flipped her pancake, her mind drifting to what she would wear that night to the show and party. She had the perfect pair of jeans that she’d been looking for an excuse to wear (they were way too tight for work), but which top? She placed her pancakes on a plate and was about to walk to her closet when her phone chirped again. She grinned. What did he want now?

**iMessage 9:14AM  
** \-----------------

**Rose  
** _Ok so are we grabbing food_  
 _before or what?_  
\-----------------

Rey started at her phone, eyebrows knitted. Rose often sent her out-of-nowhere texts that would take Rey a moment to catch up to, but this time, she was perplexed.

\-----------------

**Rey-Jay  
** _Huh??  
_ \-----------------

**Rose  
** _Before the show!_  
_Unless you just want Starbucks._  
\-----------------

Before the show? Rey had not told Rose about the Starkiller show and even if she had, there was no way that Rose would have wanted to go and…

Oh.

Oh no.

Ohhhhhhhhh no…

Rey smacked her forehead with her phone. The Rebel Scum show was tonight. She had completely forgotten about it with everything that had been going on with work and with…

**iMessage 9:16AM  
** \-----------------

**Kylo  
** _Also, need the_  
 _name on your ID_  
 _to email to club management_  
 _for the VIP list._  
\-----------------

She flopped down on her bed and put her head in her hands. What was she going to do? She had never missed a Rebel Scum show and she felt as if she had been neglecting her friends lately too. And there was no way in heck she was going to miss the Starkiller show. She sighed.  Ok, there had to be a solution here.

Rey opened the browser on her phone and looked up the time for the Rebel Scum show. 7pm.  The Starkiller show started at 9pm! This was doable. Rebel Scum were the opening band so they’d probably be off stage by 8pm. Starkiller were headlining, which meant that wouldn’t be on stage until around 10pm. That would give her time to hang out with Rose and Finn for a little while at Aisle 5 before Ubering to the Masquerade.

**iMessage 9:24AM  
** \-----------------

**Kylo  
** _Rey?_  
 _Need to send that email asap._  
\-----------------

**iMessage 9:24AM  
** \-----------------

**Rose  
** _REEEEEEEEEEEY??!!_  
 _*dies of old age*_  
\-----------------

Rey rolled her eyes. She was going to have a very busy evening. Only she could have managed to get herself into such a predicament. She opened the text to Rose and answered her.

**iMessage 9:25AM  
** \-----------------

**Rey-Jay  
** _Sorry, Rosie!_  
 _I was making pancakes._  
 _We can grab food before._  
\-----------------

Then she typed a quick reply to Kylo.

**iMessage 9:25AM  
** \-----------------

**Rey  
** _Rey Anna Jackoby_  
\-----------------

**iMessage 9:25AM  
** \-----------------

**Rose  
** _Okies._  
 _Meet us at the Vortex._  
 _5:30?_  
\-----------------

**iMessage 9:25AM  
** \-----------------

**Kylo  
** _That’s beautiful._  
 _It suits you._  
\-----------------

Rey smiled at his reply. Her middle name had come from her mother, which of course he did not know. In a way, that made his sweet words mean even more to her.

Rey quickly typed a reply to Rose so that her friend wouldn't once again die from impatience.

**iMessage 9:26AM  
** \-----------------

**Rey  
** _Got it! See you at_  
 _the Vortex at 5:30_  
 _Love you!!!!!_  
\-----------------

She tossed her phone on her bed and went to retrieve her plate of pancakes. They were ice cold, so she stuck them in the microwave for a few seconds and grabbed a soda. She went and sat back down on her bed to eat. As she shoveled the last bite of blueberry goodness into her mouth, her phone chimed. Why could she never just eat in peace?

**iMessage 9:31AM  
** \-----------------  
****

**Kylo  
** _The Vortex?  
_ \-----------------

Confused, Rey quickly scrolled up to review their previous messages.

Crap! She had accidentally sent the text she had meant for Rose to Kylo. Well that was just great -- this morning was getting better and better by the minute! At least this was easy to explain.

**iMessage 9:32AM  
** \-----------------

**Rey  
** _Oops sorry!_  
 _That was for my friend._  
\-----------------

The little dots animated to let her know he was typing a message. She wondered what kind of sarcastic remark she was in for, although she probably deserved it.

**iMessage 9:33AM  
** \-----------------

**Kylo  
** _Ok_  
\-----------------

Huh? Well that wasn’t what she had expected. Rey waited for the dots to animate to indicate Kylo was typing again, but her screen remained still. She thought about it for a moment and scrolled back up to re-read the messages. If she didn’t know better, she would think…

**iMessage 9:35AM  
** \-----------------

**Rey  
** _LOL, wait._  
 _Are you… jealous?_  
\-----------------

She waited a moment, but no indication that he was going to respond. She was starting to feel bad for teasing him. She didn’t want to upset him on his birthday, although the idea of him being jealous turned her on just a little bit. She clicked the phone icon next to his name on the text message.  It rang two… three… four times. She was beginning to think he wasn’t going to pick up when he finally answered.

“Hey”, he said but his voice wasn’t as happy as it had been the last few times they had talked.

“I’m sorry I teased you”, Rey said. He remained silent.

“The text was really for my friend, Kylo”, she explained. She tried to make her voice sound soft even though she felt like it was ridiculous she was having to explain herself. “My best friend. The one I told you about last week that went shopping with me? Who also happens to be a girl, not that it should matter.”

“It shouldn’t matter to me if you’re seeing other guys?”, he asked. Rey rolled her eyes. Wasn’t he a little old to be acting like a teenager?

“I’m not seeing other guys”, she retorted. “I’m seeing you. And only you. In less than ten hours, to be exact. And I’m super excited and happy about that, so cut it out, ok?”

“Ok!”, he replied and his tone indicated he knew there was no point in furthering the argument. There was a slight pause.

“Did you get my name on the list?” Rey asked, the only thing she could think of to break the silence.

“I did”, he replied. “You are officially a VIP of Starkiller, Rey Anna.”

Rey smiled. She loved the way her name sounded when he said it. She suddenly realized he had an advantage.

“Hey, you never told me your middle name!”, she said but the second the words came out of her mouth, she realized her mistake. She heard him sigh on the other end of the call. He paused and she could tell he was contemplating whether to tell her or not.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner, Rey”, he started. “It never came up before now and I’ve gone by Kylo for so long… Kylo Ren is just a stage name, but if you want to know my real name, I’ll tell you.”

“I think I may know already”, she admitted. “The night we were on the phone and someone came to your apartment -- they called you Ben.”

He was completely unprepared for the way it made him feel when she said his name. Prior to then, it had only been spoken to him by his mother, and usually when she was angry. Rey made it sound sweet, and he loved the way it felt when she said it. He wouldn’t have minded her calling him by that name. But only her. And just when they were alone, as if it were a secret only the two of them shared.

“Benjamin Henry.” he nearly groaned, as if it were the most embarrassing thing he’d ever had to sat.  “It’s ok, go ahead and laugh. It’s a family name. See why I chose a stage name?”

“I like it.” Rey countered. “I like it a lot, actually. It’s familiar and interesting, and noble.  It’s a very handsome name, actually. What was it you said to me earlier? It suits you?” She heard him give one of those little half-laughs that he always gave when she said something that surprised him. There was a knocking sound on his end of the call.

“That’s Nate.” Kylo said. “We’ve got to go over some stuff about the show. The show I will see you at later tonight.”

“Yes, you will.” Rey flirted. They said their goodbyes. As soon as they hung up, Rey snickered.  Benjamin Henry. 

 

In his loft, Kylo and Nate discussed the plans for the show that night, and the party afterwards.  Kylo gave Nate a list of items to pick up from the liquor store, and asked him to run by the venue early. He wanted to make sure the specifics for lighting, sound, and other details that he had asked for had in fact been handled. Nate agreed, and turned to leave.

“Nate, one more favor.” Kylo said as Nate opened the door to exit. “Can you run by the Vortex? Around 6pm or so?”

“Yeah.” his friend replied, “How come?”

“Remember the girl from the studio last week? Rey?” Kylo asked, and Nate nodded his head. “Just let me know if she’s there. And if you see her with anyone else?”

“Gotcha, boss.” Nate said with a knowing shake of his head.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey attends both the Rebel Scum and Starkiller shows. But an unpleasant surprise awaits her when she ventures backstage to meet Kylo before his show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! LOOOOOONG chapter ahead. I just couldn't bear to break it up into two and ruin the flow. I hope you enjoy the Rebel Scum and Starkiller shows as much as I enjoyed writing about them! And as always, your kudos and comments are mean the world to me, so thank you all so much!

_*** Listen to: Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms -_ [ _Spotify_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/52Py0IQ1puyFUQuBJ46Ze2) _***_

The Vortex was jam packed as it always was on Saturday nights.  Rey arrived before Finn and Rose, so she put their name in for a table, and waited outside the restaurant. She always loved watching the unusual mix of people that made their way to eclectic Little 5 Points on a weekend night. Bikers in leather jackets drank beers at tables near Sorority girls out for a party night. Pierced and tattooed heavy metal fans on their way to a music venue stepped aside to allow a family with kids to walk past as they made their way to dinner. In front of a used bookstore, a tall man in an ornate African dashiki was in deep conversation with a young woman with bright pink hair carrying a tiny dog with bows on it’s ears. Rey smiled, wishing she had some time to walk around and window shop, but just as she had that thought, she saw Rose and Finn approaching her from down the street.

The three friends hugged and Finn walked inside to check the status of their table while Rose and Rey remained outside.

“I’m STARVING!!” Rose squealed. “You look hecka cute, by the way.  Where’d you get that top? It’s PRESH!”

“This is _your_ top, Rosie!” Rey exclaimed with a laugh. “I borrowed it from you months ago.”

“Oh!  Well, it looks super cute on you.” Rose shrugged, admiring the black top with the cut-out shoulders accented with little star-shaped studs. “You should totes keep it!”

“Tables ready!” Finn called from the door, and the girls looped arms with each other and followed Finn inside. The interior of the restaurant was just as eclectic as the Little 5 Points patronage.  The walls were covered with strange and unusual curios and kitschy do-dads, the centerpiece of which was a lifesize skeleton riding an actual vintage motorcycle that was suspended from the ceiling.

The trio took their table near the front windows, ordered their sodas and their food (no need to look at the menu since each of them had been there so many times they practically had it memorized) and excitedly chatted about the upcoming Rebel Scum show.  It was the first time the band had played Aisle 5, and Finn was stoked. They were debuting a new song, which Finn had co-written with the band’s lead singer, Tallie.

“Oh, just great! What is _he_ doing here?” Finn asked suddenly, and Rey and Rose both followed his gaze to the front of the restaurant.

Nate, the lead singer of Starkiller had just walked into the restaurant and was headed for the bar.  He seemed to be looking for someone or something, his eyes darting around as he made his way through the crowd.  When his eyes met Rey’s however, he stopped, and a small smile developed on his lips. Rey smiled and gave him a little wave. Nate’s eyes moved to Rose, and then Finn, and then he dipped his head towards Rey in recognition, turned, and sat down at the bar.

“Why did you wave at him?” Finn asked in a high pitched voice.

“He’s a Red Five client, Finn!” Rey explained, but her voice wasn’t harsh. “He obviously recognized me. I didn’t want to be rude!”

Finn rolled his eyes but seemed to be satisfied with Rey’s answer, and turned his attention to the massive burger on his plate. The trio of friends enjoyed their food as Rose talked about the group project for her Thermodynamics class, and Finn complained about the inventory count they had coming up at work.

At the bar, Nate picked up his phone, opened his messages and began to type.

**iMessage 6:04PM**

\-----------------

 **Nate  
** At the Vortex.  
Your girl is here.  
\-----------------

 **Nate  
** With Finn Taylor.  
And some girl i don’t know.  
\-----------------

 **Kylo  
** Finn Taylor?  
Are you fucking kidding me?  
\-----------------

 **Nate  
** _Swear to god, boss.  
_ \------------------

 **Kylo  
** Ok.  
I’ll see you in a couple hours.  
\------------------

 **Nate  
** _Want me to say anything to them?  
_ \------------------

 **Kylo  
** No.  
I’ll handle it.  
\------------------

 **Nate  
** _10-4 boss  
_ \------------------

 

Aisle 5 was a fairly new venue in Little 5 Points, but it had already become one of the most popular places for up-and-coming local bands to make their name.  It was small, only able to hold a maximum of 200 patrons, but that intimacy was what made it a favorite destination for lovers of local Atlanta music and the bands they supported.

The crowd was just starting to gather when Finn, Rose and Rey got to Aisle 5.  Finn kissed Rose on the nose (making her burst into giggles), then rushed to the stage to set up his drum kit.

“Rey, Rosie!” a voice called, and the girls turned to see Tallie and K.K., the other two-thirds of Rebel Scum approaching them.  They all hugged happily, and exchanged excited greetings and compliments about each others’ outfits.

Tallie Lynn was lead singer and guitarist for the band. Standing just a bit taller than Rey, Tallie had short platinum blonde hair that sported a bright blue streak in front that matched her equally bright blue eyes. Tallie was well known for her fashion sense, and the dress she was wearing that night was no exception.  Vintage and 1950’s era, the black and white polka-dot dress sported a wide black collar and black crinoline petticoat which made the skirt fluff out around her. The idea that she could wail punk music lyrics while wearing such a delicate dress was just part of Tallie’s charm.

Kay Connix, known as K.K. to her friends, was the bass player and backup vocals for Rebel Scum.  At an inch shorter than Rose, K.K. was small in stature, but she made up for it in personality. Her long honey-blonde hair fell down her back, but as the girls chatted, she pulled it up into twin buns on each side of her head.  Rey watched, a bit enviously, and wished she had enough hair to do that, and made a mental note to let her hair grow. K.K.’s outfit was the complete opposite of Tallie’s, but fit K.K.’s personality to the letter. Her black ripped jeans were splattered with paint, and her vintage Sex Pistols t-shirt had the collar and sleeves ripped out so that her toned arms, as well as her intricate and beautiful tattoos, were prominently displayed.

Finn waved from the stage to indicate set-up was complete, and Tallie and K.K. bid farewell to Rey and Rose and made their way backstage. By show-time, the crowd had filled out and the venue was nearly full, much to the delight of everyone. Rose grabbed bottled waters from the bar for her and Rey and made it back to her spot just in time for the house lights to go down and the stage lights to go up. With that, Rebel Scum sparked to life.

For the next half hour, Tallie, Finn, and K.K. played a wild yet melodic mix of their original pop-punk peppered with covers of The Clash, The Ramones and Sex Pistols classics retooled in the Rebel Scum style. Rose and Rey bounced and jumped with the rest of the crowd in time with the songs, as the lights strobed and flickered.

The energy from the stage was electrifying, and Tallie’s high and melodic voice flowed over the crowd like a bright beam of sunlight. She and the other band members joked and bantered with each other and the crowd between songs. On a couple of occasions, Tallie encouraged the audience to sing along with the cover songs that everyone knew by heart, which caused uproarious applause.

Rose couldn’t help but notice that Rey checked her phone several times during the show, which wasn’t like her. She wondered if her friend was expecting a call or an email -- about work maybe?  Actually, the more Rose thought about it, the more she realized Rey had been unusually distracted about a lot of things lately. She decided to talk to her about it soon, just in case there was something Rose could do to help.

Far too soon, the house lights were lit and Rose was pulling Rey towards the backstage entrance, eager to see Finn. Rey fished her phone out of her pocket to check her messages again, as well as the time. Still no texts from Kylo, which was a tiny bit disappointing, although she was sure he was very busy getting ready for the Starkiller show.  Rey had exactly a half hour before she had to be in an Uber on her way to the Masquerade. She set the alarm on her phone to remind her.

The Aisle 5 backstage area was bustling with activity, and laughter and happy voices rang throughout the small space. Rose went to find Finn and Rey strolled over to the table in back that was loaded with snacks. She grabbed a handful of M&Ms and fished her phone from her pocket. Still no text from Kylo. She wasn’t sure if she was more irritated that he had not texted, or at how it made her feel that he hadn’t.

“Hey.” Rose said. Rey hadn’t heard her come up as she was checking her phone. “Finn will be out in a few. They’re taking some photos for Facebook and the website!” Rey gave her a thumbs-up as she popped an M&M in her mouth.

“Soooo… Rey-Jay?” Rose asked, and her voice was soft. Rey raised her eyebrows to indicate she was listening, even though her mouth was full of candy-coated chocolate. “Is everything ok? Like, I’m not trying to stick my nose in your business, so let me know if I’m overstepping, but… I’ve just noticed you’ve been kind of distracted lately and I love you, so… I just wanted to make sure everything is ok.”

Rey looked at her best friend and felt her eyes start to water.  Without even thinking, she grabbed Rose in a tight hug, and squeezed her little friend tight. Rose giggled, and hugged Rey back.

“Everything is fine, Rosie.” Rey said as she held onto her. “I’m sorry I worried you.”  The girls released each other but Rey took Rose’s hand in hers. “I’ve just had a lot going on. You know, work and… stuff.” Rose nodded.

“You’d tell me if there was anything I could do to help, right?” she asked, and Rey nodded as she smiled appreciatively at her friend. The girls hugged again, and then yelped in surprise as Finn ran up and grabbed them both in a group hug, nearly toppling them all to the ground.

Rey laughed with her friends, but on the inside, she silently kicked herself for being so distant and so distracted. She had been so preoccupied with Starkiller, and Kylo, that she had neglected her other friendships to the point where Rose had been compelled to say something about it.  Rey promised herself that she would make more of an effort to text and call Rose, and also to…

The alarm on Rey’s phone sounded. It was time to call her Uber. 

_*** Listen to: In the Air Tonight - In This Moment -_ [ _Spotify_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/52Py0IQ1puyFUQuBJ46Ze2) _***_

Rey walked into the darkened lobby of the Masquerade and was momentarily disoriented.  Blacklights against each wall lit garishly colored posters of past musical acts, giving them an eerie glow. Three young men congregated in the corner with a girl around Rey’s age, who was sitting in the lap of one of the men. Rey recognized the Starkiller logo on the girls t-shirt, partly obscured by strands of her long, ebony black hair. The girl caught Rey’s gaze and then casually looked her up and down, as if sizing her up. She cocked one eyebrow and grinned, the blacklight glinting off the stud pierced through the center of her lip.

“Ma’am?” The doorman said. He was holding the interior door open, which lead to the inner halls of the venue. “Mr. Ren said to send you back. Starkiller is in Hell.”

“Excuse me?” Rey said, not sure she had heard him right. The doorman stared at her for a second, then smiled.

“First time here?” he asked, and Rey nodded.  He chuckled then stepped inside the hallway and beckoned for her to follow him.

“The masquerade is divided into separate concert spaces. Heaven..” he pointed down the hall to his right, “...is that way. Hell…” he pointed down the hall to his left, “is that way. Just go through the set of double door at the end of the hall. Enjoy the show!” and with that, he disappeared back into the lobby. Rey turned and stared down the dark hallway, once again lit only by the purplish-blue glow of black lights. She was reminded of a carnival haunted house she visited as a child, and halfway expected something to jump out at her as she walked down the long hall.

Rey entered “Hell” to a flurry of activity.  Sound and light engineers were testing mics and hoisting rigs, and stage hands were taping down cables and toting equipment too and fro. She scanned the vast space for Kylo, but didn’t see him. Unsure of where she should go, or whom she could ask, she strolled silently towards the stage.

“Oh my god, is that who I think it is?” Rey heard a familiar voice chime from the back left of the stage, and she groaned softly before turning. Faz let out an over-dramatic and clearly fake gasp of surprise. “It is! Hey there, peanut! DId you come all this way to see little old me?” Nate, who was kneeling behind Faz taping a playlist to the floor let out a loud snort-laugh.

“While it’s always good to see you, Faz,” Rey said with equal sarcasm, “any idea where Kylo is?”

“Who?” Faz said, narrowing her eyes in mock confusion. “Ohhh… short guy?” she held her hand out beside herself, a couple of inches below the top of her head. “Pantene hair?” Rey crossed her arms, unimpressed. “Pretty eyes?” Faz fluttered her eyelashes, but Rey just stared back. Unable to get the response she was going for, Faz hitched a thumb towards the backstage area. “You might be interrupting the fan club meeting, though.” Nate let out another snort-laugh but Faz kicked him.

Rey turned to look at Faz, confused by her last comment, but the woman had already gone back to her task at hand. Rey walked to the door that led backstage, but as soon as she placed her hand on the door handle, a very large man in a shirt that read “STAFF” printed across the front stopped her by placing a hand across the door.  He peered down at Rey with a menacing look on his face, and Rey took a step back.

“It’s ok, Drake.” Nate called from the stage. “Let her through. She’s one of Kylo’s.”

With that, the man not only moved his arm but opened the door for Rey and then motioned his head to the left.  Rey entered and turned to walk down the hallway, unsure of exactly where to go. It wasn’t until she had taken a few steps that she had time to digest Nate’s comment. One of Kylo’s? One of Kylo’s what, exactly?

Suddenly, a door to Rey’s right swung open and Hux darted out.  Rey turned just in time to avoid being run over, and as she did, she caught a glimpse inside the room Hux had come from.  Kylo was sitting on a large sofa, his guitar leaning next to him, as he talked to a young man sitting across from him who seemed to be recording something on his phone. Several other men and women who Rey did not recognize were also in the room, but it was the petite young woman with the dark hair currently sitting in Kylo’s lap that had Rey’s full attention.

In that moment, it came crashing down upon Rey how incredibly stupid and naive she had been. Finn had warned her and had even pleaded with her not to get close to Kylo.  Even Kylo’s own band members, in their own way, had tried to tell her the truth about him, and she had ignored all the signs. She had fallen for his charm and allowed herself to get too close, too soon. But the truth was now perfectly clear - she did not know Kylo Ren. Not the real Kylo, anyway.  Rey prepared to turn to leave, but in that split second, Kylo glanced to the right and locked eyes with her. Rey didn’t make it half way down the hallway before she heard his voice behind her.

“Rey, wait!” he shouted to her, and what she said in reply shocked them both.

“Fuck you!”

She had tears in her eyes. Not necessarily because she was hurt, although she was, and not necessarily because she felt like a complete idiot, which she did, but because she just did not want to do this right now. She didn’t want to turn around and look at him... didn’t want to hear his voice. Because she knew the second she did, she wouldn’t be able to hold back her emotions, and she did not want to give him the pleasure of seeing her cry over him. Unfortunately for Rey, Kylo’s strides were much longer than hers and he made it to the door before she did.

“It’s not what you think.” he said and she shook her head in disappointment.

“Really? I would have thought you’d be above saying something so cliché.” she replied, not even bothering to hide the bitterness in her voice. She grabbed the door handle but he kept his body in front of the door, blocking her. “Let me go, please.”

“Talk to me first.” he said. Ok, so they were doing this. Rey crossed her arms defensively and looked up at him. Luckily in that moment, she was too angry to cry.

“Talk to you about what?” she asked. “About how you bullshitted me into thinking you might actually care about me?  Was anything you even told me the truth, or just a bunch of lies to get me where you wanted me - another member of the Kylo Ren fan club?”

“What?” Kylo asked, shaking his head in confusion at her reference. “Rey, I never lied to you. I would never lie to you. And you’re right, what I said was cliche but it really wasn't what you’re thinking. That girl was the winner of a radio contest to meet the band. The publicity guy from the station asked her to sit in my lap for a video to go on social media. I just met her ten minutes ago, Rey. I don’t even remember her name!” He moved a step closer to her but she looked away. While it seemed like an honest and valid explanation, she still didn’t know if she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Oh, awesome! So everyone on the internet is going to see that? Why the hell didn’t you just say no?” she asked angrily.

“Why didn’t you just say no when Finn Taylor asked you to dinner tonight?” he replied. Rey’s eyes flew up to meet his, her hands balled into tight fists by her side.

“What?!” she seethed at him. How the hell had he… Nate.  Nate had seen her at the Vortex with Finn and Rose and must have told Kylo. Rey’s eyes narrowed. “Is _that_ why I didn’t hear from you this afternoon? Because you were mad at me for going to dinner with my friends? Why you egotistical, envious jackass! Not that it’s any of your business what I do or who I see, but Finn happens to be one of my closest friends. What your nosey little spy neglected to tell you is that Finn’s girlfriend Rose was there too!” Livid, Rey shot past Kylo to try and find another exit.

“I’m envious?” Kylo asked, incredulous, as he followed behind Rey. “So let me get this straight. It’s none of my business what you do or who you see, yet it’s perfectly ok for you to be jealous and pissed off at me for doing that video?”

Rey stopped dead in her tracks. He wasn’t wrong. She wasn’t exactly being fair, or rational. She felt him come up behind her but she didn’t turn to him.

“Rey.” he said softly, and she closed her eyes at the sound of his voice, trying not to allow it to affect her. It didn’t work. “I meant what I said. I’ve never lied to you, and I never will. I’ve shared more with you than anyone I’ve ever known.”

Rey looked at the ceiling, then at the floor, then at the wall - anywhere to try and keep from giving in and turning to him.

“You’re right.” she finally said softly in reply. “I was jealous. But when I saw that girl…”

“I’m sorry.” Kylo interrupted. “I shouldn’t…” He sighed. He was right behind her now, and she could feel his breath against her hair. “I shouldn’t have done that. Rey, be patient with me. I’ve never had something this _real_ before.”

He reached down and took her hand, and she let him.

“Come back to the green room with me.” he said. “I want to introduce the publicity manager of 105.9 to my girlfriend.”

“Who says I’m your girlfriend?” she asked. She still had not turned to face him, but one corner of her mouth had turned up at his comment.

“I’m hoping you will.” he said. He was practically whispering directly into her hair now, and she felt a chill run down the length of her spine, only to settle directly in between her... Before she knew it, she had not only turned, but had allowed him to take her into his arms, which he wrapped around her tightly.

For a few moments they simply stood there, holding on to each other in silent apology.

“I didn’t mean to ruin your birthday.” she said after a while, her face pressed against his chest. “I didn’t even tell you Happy Birthday.”

“You just did.” he said, and kissed the top of her head. “And trust me, nothing is ruined. Not even close.” He stepped back then and held out his hand to her, giving her a look that she could not resist.  She put her hand in his and they walked back to the green room together.

About fifteen minutes before the show was going to start, Kylo walked Rey to the VIP balcony.

“That big guy at the door is Drake. He’s a friend of mine.” Kylo said. “Anyone gives you any problems whatsoever, you tell Drake.  He’ll take care of you, ok?” Rey nodded.

“And I’ll be keeping an eye on you from right down there.” he said. He tilted his head toward the stage below, as he took both of her hands in his, interlacing his fingers with hers. “I wish you were closer, but this is the safest place for you to watch.” He took a couple of steps and moved her back with him.

“Safest place?” Rey laughed, a bit confused. Kylo moved them a few more steps back.

“Our fans can get a little,,, rambunctious.” he explained. “Oh, and hey - it’s an open bar up here.  Order whatever you want.” Rey suddenly realized her back was against the wall, his body pressing against hers.

“I’ll send for you after the show, ok?” he told her. His hands were roaming, touching places he’d never touched her before. And the only word she could think of was… more.

It was Rey that engaged their kiss this time, but his mouth opened against hers immediately. As his tongue explored slowly yet fervidly, a white hot flame ignited and began to spread from her core. She balled her fist in his shirt, pulling him closer to her as his hands finally settled on her hips. He drew her closer and she moaned against him, but at that second, the house lights blinked twice.

“That’s our queue.” Kylo said, a hint of disappointment in his voice. “I’ll see you after our set.” he placed a kiss on Rey’s forehead and left the VIP area, stopping briefly to speak to Drake at the door. Rey smiled as she watched him go, then turned to lean on the edge of the balcony.

It truly was a great place to view the show. The entire stage was visible, and neither too close nor too far away. As Rey surveyed the floor, she suddenly noticed that quite a few people were staring at the balcony. After a moment, she realized they weren’t just starting at the balcony, they were staring at her. Worse yet, some of them were staring and pointing. And one girl had her cell phone out, and then a flash. Had… had she taken a photo of her? Rey quickly stepped back from the edge of the balcony.

“You good, Miss?” Drake asked from behind her. He had seen her look of concern. “Can I get you anything?” Rey shook her head.  She sat in one of the plush seats towards the side of the balcony, hoping to stay out of the eyeline of the fans below while still having a good view of the stage.

The opening band came on stage, and they were… loud. Rey grimaced through most of the songs, not that she could understand the lead singer (or lead screamer, Rey thought to herself) anyway. Suddenly, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket.

 **iMessage 9:38PM  
** \-----------------

 **Kylo  
** _Having fun?  
_ \-----------------

 **Rey  
** It would be more fun  
if you were here. :)  
\-----------------

 **Kylo  
** Trust me, I wish  
I could be, but I’m about  
to be kind of busy in a minute.  
\-----------------

 **Rey  
** LOL, I know.  
I can’t wait.  
Where are you now?  
\-----------------

 **Kylo  
** Watching my  
beautiful girl  
watch this shitty band.  
\-----------------

Rey grinned at his remark, and then looked up from her phone. She eagerly glanced around, trying to find Kylo, but couldn’t locate him. Her phone buzzed again.

\-----------------

 **Kylo  
** Look to the left of the stage,  
towards the back.  
Against the wall.  
\-----------------

Rey looked to the left of the stage.  There was an open area that led off stage and into the back of the venue, where she and Kylo had been earlier that night. There were no lights in that section so it was dark, but there, against the back wall, she saw him. He was leaning against the wall in the shadows, and she could see his phone in his hand. One of the revolving stage lights shifted then, and for a brief moment, Kylo was illuminated in the glow, and Rey could see him smiling up at her.

\-----------------

 **Rey  
** There you are. :)  
Too far away.  
I want to be closer to the stage!  
It’s boring up here.  
\-----------------

 **Kylo  
** The VIP area is the best  
seat in the house!  
Stay up there, ok?  
So I know you’re safe.  
\----------------

 **Kylo  
** We’re on in ten.  
I’ve got to go.  
I’ll see you in an hour.  
\----------------

Rey sighed. She felt like Rapunzel, trapped up on that balcony when all the fun was happening on the floor below. Kylo acted like she’d never been to a concert before. She knew how to handle herself in a crowd. No, the Rebel Scum shows weren’t nearly as big or as crowded as the Starkiller show, but she had been to big concerts before. Besides, she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself!

Rey stood from her seat and walked to the door.

“Where are you headed, miss?” he asked.

“Ladies room,” she lied. “Which way?”

“Back downstairs and to the left.” he directed. “Would you like me to…” Rey interrupted him before he could finish that thought.

“Nope, I’ve got it.” she said, but smiled widely. “Thank you, Drake. I’ll make sure to tell Kylo how helpful you’ve been!”  That did the job she had expected it to and Drake smiled and gave her a little nod of appreciation as she headed towards the stairs.

Making her way towards the stage wasn’t easy -- a lot of the people weren’t budging and she had to wait for gaps to appear in the crowd, or for someone to leave to visit the bar or bathroom before making a move forward. But Rey was determined, and by the time the house lights went down again, she was only feet from the front.  

 _*** Listen to: Crimes - A Perfect Circle -_ [ _Spotify_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/2ihLzOOhbP7war6Zd2pLts) _***_

Out of the inky blackness, a deep base line pulsed, and the crowd cheered. In a moment, the bass was joined by a drum beat, synced in rhythm. Rey could feel the crowd around her surging and moving with the beat of the music. Oh yeah, this was definitely better than being on that balcony all by herself. A voice began to count slowly, in a whispered tone and in time with the beat. 1… 2… 3… 4...

On 5, a series of deep red lights illuminated, their scarlet beams casting an almost ominous glow, and in the same moment, the wail of a guitar joined. The crowd went wild -- there wasn’t a hand in the entire place that wasn’t raised. 6… 7… Rey’s eyes adjusted and Starkiller came into focus in front of her. Mesmerized, her eyes danced around the stage as she took it all in.

Faz was to the left, her bass strung low beneath her waist, it’s mirror-like chrome finish reflecting the lights. 8... Alex, a few feet to Faz’ right, dressed in a black shirt and suit with a stark white tie stood silently as he waited for his queue. 9... Hux was at the back of the stage behind his kit, shirtless, his face contorted with intense concentration as his lean arms flew across the drums.

10… Rey turned her head to the right just in time to see him step into the light. Her breath caught in her chest as she stared up at Kylo, the strobing of the lights causing every movement to flicker in slow motion. He had changed clothes since she had seen him last, and change was most definitely good. The black jeans he wore were so tight she wasn’t sure how he could breathe, and they were having the exact same effect on her. His dark gray button down shirt was rolled up at the sleeves, and underneath it, a faded black vintage Mustang t-shirt. The front of his hair was pulled back to keep it out of his eyes as he played, calling attention to the features of his face which seemed both soft and masculine at the same time.

But Rey wasn’t the only one captivated by Kylo. At least fifteen, maybe more, female fans who were standing around Rey suddenly dashed forward. One of the girls, who Rey quickly recognized as the one from the lobby earlier that night, shoved Rey with her shoulder as she attempted to move her way forward. Incensed, Rey shoved back, and the girl spun around to give Rey a menacing look. Rey smirked at the girl who was a good two inches and ten pounds smaller than her, unintimidated. However, one of the crew members stationed between the stage and the crowd to control overzealous fans had seen the near-skirmish and he leaned in and pointed at Rey.

“First warning!” he yelled over the din of the crowd. What?! How could that possibly have been her fault? Rey rolled her eyes and tried to move away from the troublemaker without losing her place next to the stage.

The band transitioned into their next song. Rey quickly recognized it as one of the tracks Starkiller had recorded at Red Five, which seemed both forever ago and just yesterday. Nate appeared then -- he had been standing in the shadows towards the back of the stage, and the crowd cheered as he strolled forward to his microphone.  Rey scowled. She was going to have some choice words for him later that night. Regardless of her anger with him, she couldn’t deny that he had a fabulous voice, and his vocals were perfect for Starkiller’s sound.

 _*** Listen to: Weak & Powerless - A Perfect Circle - _ [ _Spotify_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/1ZLurboChMSr0fIkghGvK3) _***_

“...Digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren

One that pushes me along and leaves me so

Desperate and ravenous

So weak and powerless over you…”

Rey knew Kylo had written this particular song and she found herself pondering the lyrics, and the sadness and frustration they held. What had happened to him to cause him such pain?  The lyrics didn’t seem to reflect grief from his father’s death -- no, it was something else. She stared up at him, suddenly overcome by regret for the things she had said earlier, and a longing to be next to him. She smiled as she thought about the party after the show, and being in his arms again.

Rey wanted Kylo to see her in the crowd, and see that she had ventured down just to be nearer to him. She slipped past one of the young female fans in front of her and had nearly made it to the very front of the crowd when the girl with the long black hair that had shoved her earlier sidestepped and blocked Rey. Undaunted, Rey held her ground and refused to be moved back. In response to Rey’s boldness, the girl blatantly and purposefully stomped on Rey’s foot and ankle in an attempt to move her back. That did it. Fueled by anger and pain, Rey jammed her elbow in the girls ribs -- hard. But just as Rey was enjoying watching the girl double over, hands grabbed her by her forearms and drug her forward, then lifted her up and over the barrier between the crowd and the stage.

“Second warning, girly.” A voice said in her ear. “You’re out.” Rey squirmed but the man who held her was too strong. As he carried her towards the exit, Rey struggled enough to turn, and she desperately screamed Kylo’s… along with about five hundred others in the crowd. Regardless, he was on the other side of the stage and unaware of Rey’s plight.

Once outside, the man let her go, and turned and went back inside, shutting the door behind him. As soon as the door closed, a security guard stepped in front of the door, his arms crossed over his broad chest. Rey sighed and looked around. There were five or six other ousted patrons milling around, most of which were obviously overly inebriated.  Well this was just great! Ok, so maybe she should have stayed in the VIP area like Kylo had told her to do. Kylo. Maybe…

“Hi, my name is Rey Jackoby.” Rey said to the security guard, giving an attempt at reason. “I’m on the VIP list tonight.” he just stared at her, unaffected. “I’m a friend of Kylo Ren.” The guard cocked an eyebrow. “Of Starkiller.”

“Uh huh.” the guard said sarcastically in reply. “Haven’t heard that one before.”

“No, I…” Rey clenched her jaw, biting back her anger. “This wasn’t my fault. A girl in the crowd stepped on me and I was just defending my…”

“Look, sweetheart.” the guard said. “I don't care how you got out here. I’m just here to keep you from getting back in.”

“But you don’t understand.” Rey said, her voice sounding a little more desperate than she intended. “I have to get back in. I’m Kylo’s girlfriend, I…” the guard broke into a wide grin, and she suddenly realized that probably wasn’t the first time he’d heard _that_ either. She took a deep breath and continued. “I was supposed to be in the VIP area, but I left and went to the floor. That was obviously a mistake. I just need to make it back up to the VIP area so Kylo can find me after the show.” No response from the guard -- just that same annoying grin.

“Look, I appreciate that you’re trying to do your job, but Kylo is going to expect me to be on that balcony after the show and I can promise you, when I’m not, and he comes looking for me, whoever is responsible for me not being there is going to be in a shitload of trouble.” The guard wasn’t grinning anymore, at least, but Rey still hadn’t convinced him.

“Tell you what.” Rey bargained. “Radio Drake, the VIP guard. Ask him if he’s looking for a girl named Rey. If he says no, I’ll walk away and stop bothering you. But if he says yes, tell him you found me. Deal?”

It was the guard’s turn to sigh, but he clicked the button on the walkie on his shoulder and called for Drake.

“Hey man, you looking for a girl named Rey?” the guard asked when Drake responded. When Drake replied that he was, the guard’s eyebrows shot up, and he glanced at Rey. “Well, she managed to get herself kicked out, so she’s down here with me at the south exit. Come get her if you want her.”

When the door back into the venue opened and Drake appeared, Rey nearly hugged him. He looked at her like a parent would look at a child who had been particularly difficult, and motioned for her to follow him. He thanked the other security guard for radioing him, and he and Rey entered the venue.

When they were back up in the VIP area, Rey took a seat, unbelievably thankful to be back in the place she had so desperately wanted to escape earlier. She turned to Drake, who was standing over her, a grin on his face similar to the one the guard outside had earlier.

“It would be awesome if you would _not_ tell Kylo about this.” Rey said to him as she looked up at him through her lashes, her body sunk low in the chair in a defeated position. Drake raised his palms to her.

“Hey,” he retorted. “I was about to say the same thing to you!” he chuckled as he turned and went back to stand by the door.

Rey watched the rest of the show from her balcony chair, feeling slightly bitter and dejected that her plans had not gone as she had hoped. She stared at Kylo as he played on stage, and suddenly had an idea. She took her phone out and opened the camera app, and used her fingers to activate the zoom function. If she couldn’t get closer to Kylo, she could at least bring him a little closer to her.  She absentmindedly chewed on her bottom lip as she watched him. In the ten or fifteen minutes she’d been gone, he had gotten even hotter than he was when he first appeared on stage -- literally and figuratively. The heat of crowd as well as the scorching beams of the stage lights had caused a thin film of sweat to coat his skin. As his hair dampened, soft ringlets had begun to form. A couple of strands of ebony waves had slipped out of the elastic tie he had used to pull them back with to fall against his face. He had shed the button-down at some point, and the t-shirt he was wearing clung so tightly to his broad chest it was almost obscene. Rey swallowed hard, wishing she had stopped for a cold bottle of water on her way back up to the balcony.

Starkiller was beginning to grow on her.  While Rey had initially been impressed with their unique sound and Kylo’s thoughtful lyrics, she had considered their particular brand of rock far too dark for her. But as she listened and watched the band on stage, her feelings began to change. Just knowing the amount of emotion and effort Kylo must have poured into writing the songs they played was enough to make her reconsider her opinion, however, the music itself was starting to move her.

Just as Rey was beginning to worry her phone battery would soon betray her, the band finished their last song and left the stage. However, the house lights did not go up and the crowd did not move, which meant there would be an encore.  Several minutes later, the soft melody of Kylo’s lone guitar sounded, and Rey immediately recognized the notes as the song he had played for her over the phone the week before.

“This is a brand new song.” Nate spoke into his microphone. “One of the track for our upcoming album, which will be released at Music Midtown. We hope we’ll see you all there!” This was met with uproarious cheers from the crowd as the band launched into their final song.

Drake tapped Rey on the shoulder and she turned to look at him.

“The show ends in five, Miss.” the guard told her. “Mr. Ren requested I bring you backstage now.”

Rey rose from her chair and followed Drake as he lead her back downstairs and through a series of doors (most locked and guarded) until they were in the backstage area. Rey could still hear the band playing on stage as Drake led her past the green room where they had been earlier, to another smaller room near the end of the hallway.

“I’ll be just outside if you need anything, Miss.” Drake told her after she had stepped inside. “Mr. Ren should be here shortly.”  With that, he closed the door and left Rey alone.

 _*** Listen to: Bad Boyfriend - Garbage -_ [ _Spotify_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/6DbLu97l4VNTzu8XyAV0In) _***_

There was a plush sofa on the other side of the room, so she walked towards it, but as she stepped over a guitar case on the floor, her hip hit what looked to be a dressing table situated against the wall.  A shirt that was lying on the table began to fall, and Rey caught it before it could hit the floor, recognizing it as the shirt Kylo had been wearing when they had been together earlier that night. Before she placed it back on the table, she brought the shirt to her face. She wasn’t sure why she did that, and honestly, she felt a bit ridiculous when she did, but when she caught his scent, so confoundingly intoxicating, she couldn’t help but bury her face even deeper into the soft fabric. Her eyes fluttered closed and breathed him in.

When she opened her eyes, the shirt still against her face, the first thing they focused on was his cell phone, which had been hidden underneath his shirt.  She stared at it, sitting dark and silent on the dressing table. No. She couldn’t… She shouldn’t… She wanted to trust him, and looking through that phone would not only be a sure sign of not trusting him, but a serious violation of his privacy, making Rey herself untrustworthy. But what if he wasn’t being honest with her?  What if there was a text message or a missed call waiting for him from some other girl -- someone who wasn’t Rey? She reached her hand out slowly, debating with herself in the seconds it took for her hand to reach his phone. When she picked it up, the screen activated, and what Rey saw shocked her.

There, on Kylo’s lock screen, was a photo of Rey. She wasn’t sure exactly when it had been taken, but it had been taken at Red Five, some time when Starkiller was recording in the studio.  The photo was of her sitting behind the control panel at the studio, laughing at something, although she couldn't remember what it might have been. Rey laid his phone back down on the table, ashamed at herself that she had made such a bad decision, and had nearly made such a terrible mistake.

A noise behind her startled her and she turned. The door swung open and Kylo appeared, but the moment he saw Rey, he laughed, his eyebrows raised.

“What ‘ya got there?” he asked with amusement, and in complete and consuming embarrassment, Rey realized she was still holding his shirt to her face. She lowered it slightly, which only made the fire in her cheeks evident, but before she could open her mouth to explain (although what she possibly would have said, she had no idea), he was standing in front of her. In a split second, he had reached down and lifted her up to sit her on the edge of the dressing table.

“You missed me that much in an hour?” he asked. Sitting on the table, Rey was elevated enough so that she was nearly face to face with him. Unable to control the urge, she kissed him, maybe a little more intensely than she had intended, but damn, it felt good. But as he tried to put his arms around her, Rey put a hand on his chest and pushed him back as she broke the kiss.

“Ugh, you’re all sweaty!” she exclaimed. Even though part of her found that to be incredibly sexy, she didn’t want her own clothes drenched in his sweat. He chuckled and took his shirt from her hand, then grabbed the rest of his clothes as he walked into the small bathroom on the other side of the room. He left the door ajar slightly so he could talk to Rey as he changed. She saw the light go on in the bathroom, and she tilted her head just a bit to see if she could catch a glimpse of...

“So when we leave, I’ll need to stop for a few minutes to talk to the fans.” he called, and Rey looked away from the door, her cheeks once again flushed. “Sign a few autographs, take some pictures - all that stuff. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to be with me while I’m doing that or not. If not, I’ll just give you the keys to my car and you can wait for me there.”

“I think I’d rather stay with you if that’s ok.” Rey replied. He stepped out of the bathroom then, changed into dry clothes. He had taken his hair out of the elastic band and had evidently toweled it dry without bothering to brush through it, the black waves now hanging loose and wild around his face. He tossed his stage clothes on top of a duffle bag sitting in the floor, and walked back to Rey.

“Better?” he asked as he approached her, holding his arms out in question. She grabbed the front of his shirt and used it to pull him to her.

“Much.” she replied as he wrapped his arms around her. She reached up with her left hand and ran her fingers back through his tousled hair, but when she went to tuck a few stray strands behind his ear, he moved his head back away from her hand and turned away from her slightly.

“What’s wrong?” Rey asked softly in a confused tone, dropping her hand.

“Nothing. I mean, it’s not you. I just…” he explained. “I hate my ears. I got teased a lot as a kid. And in high school.” he reflected. “And in college. So… I try to keep them camouflaged. Main reason I keep the long hair.”  Rey slipped her arms around his neck as he finished speaking.

“Kids are mean, and teenagers are morons. And anyone who teases someone in college deserves to have their ass kicked.” She said, and the last part of her statement got a little laugh from him. “I, however, happen to like your ears. They’re quite sexy, actually. Not to mention, they’re attached to someone I’m very, very fond of. So… may I?” She took her hand and moved it back to the side of his head where it had been before. He nodded slightly before leaning in to put his forehead against hers, their noses brushing against each other. Rey laced her fingers through the errant strands of his hair and tucked them behind his ear. She gently ran her fingertips over the upper ridge of his ear, then down where she gently pinched his earlobe between her fingers before trailing the back of her fingers down his neck. She felt him tremble against her slightly, as if a tremor had run through him, and then his lips were on hers. He kissed her gently, almost reverently as she placed her hand around the back of his neck to pull him closer.

“We should get going.” he whispered against her mouth, their lips still touching, although barely. Neither of them had even a remote desire to let go of each other, although Rey did want to be out of this place, and away from all these people who wanted something from Kylo. She wanted it to just be the two of them again, however briefly, before the party at his place. She gently pushed him away from her so she could hop down from the dressing table. He grabbed his phone and his car keys and put them in his pocket, and then took Rey’s hand and led her towards the door.

“What about your stuff?” Rey asked, glancing back at all his belongings, which were strewn around everywhere. Kylo opened the door and walked out of the dressing room, pulling her after him.

“Hux will take care of it.” he told her, shutting the door behind them. Hand in hand, they made their way down the hall to the back exit. 

When Kylo and Rey stepped out into the cool night air from the backstage area, they were met by thirty or forty devoted Starkiller fans, mostly all of whom were female. Their initial screams and calls of Kylo’s name quickly morphed into murmured questions and whispered comments amongst themselves, a few of which Rey plainly heard.

“Who the hell is that?” “Oh my god, is she holding his hand?” “That’s the girl from the VIP balcony, Jessica got a photo of her earlier.” “Do you think she’s his girlfriend?”

Rey felt her heartbeat speed up. Not even thirty seconds with his fans and she was already ready to drag Kylo to the car, but she kept her cool. As if Kylo could feel her anxiety, he repositioned his hand in hers, lacing their fingers tightly together, and squeezed gently. She squeezed back.

He answered some questions about the upcoming album as well as their Music Midtown appearance. A few people asked for autographs, which he signed with his free right hand, refusing to let go of Rey. Everyone had their cell phones out, snapping photos and taking video.

One girl who was quite young -- probably only 15 or 16 from Rey’s observation, asked Kylo for a selfie with her. Kylo glanced at Rey and she contemplated for a moment (‘Come on, Rey’ she told herself, ‘She’s just a kid!’) before somewhat reluctantly letting go of his hand. Kylo took the girl’s phone and put his arm around her, then snapped a few photos. Before he could turn to hand her her phone back, the girl snuck in a quick kiss on his cheek. Rey couldn’t help but chuckle. That was a pretty smooth move for a kid, and she honestly couldn’t say that she wouldn’t have done the same thing. The girl walked back to her friends, her wide smile revealing a mouth full of braces, and the girls giggled and squealed as they reviewed the photos. Rey was briefly reminded of her and Rosie, a pang of guilt lumping in her throat.

Kylo took Rey’s hand back in his and guided her down the sidewalk to his car.  When they got to the end of the line of fans, a girl stepped out, blocking them from continuing. It was her. The girl from the lobby. The girl from the crowd who had gotten Rey thrown out of the show.

“Hey Kylo.” she said. She stared up at him, not even acknowledging Rey.

“Hey Amanda.” he replied, but his voice seemed… hesitant.

“Did you get my note?” she asked. “I put it on your windshield last week, and my number was on it but I never got a text.”

“No, sorry, I didn’t get it.” Kylo replied. He had taken a couple of steps to the side and was pulling Rey towards him, obviously attempting to get around the girl. “The wind must have blown it off  or something.”

“Oh, ok.” Amanda responded, unhindered. “Well, what the note said was that I was, like... just hoping I could buy you a drink tonight for your birthday. Or something.” she was walking beside them now as Kylo led Rey to the car. “Happy birthday, by the way.”

Rey watched their correspondence, her mouth slightly agape at this stupid girl who had practically assaulted her during the concert and who was now obviously and egregiously ignoring her very presence.

“Thanks.” Kylo replied. “And that’s really nice of you to offer but unfortunately I’ve already got plans. The guys are throwing me a party.” They were at his car now, and Kylo fished his keys from his pocket.

“That’s cool.” the girl said, and slid her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. “I’ll take a rain check.”

“Yea. Ok.” Kylo said and nodded his head, and Rey wondered if Amanda recognized the sarcasm in his voice. Probably not, given the way she was staring at him like he’d just asked her to prom. Kylo pressed the button on the key fob to unlock the car doors, and then opened the passenger side door for Rey.

Done with this ridiculous exchange, and done with this ridiculous girl in general, Rey raised up on her tiptoes and kissed Kylo on the lips before sliding into the passenger seat. Kylo closed the door behind her and made his way around to the driver’s side of the car. In the side-view mirror, Rey saw Amanda follow him around. Rey rolled her eyes. Persistent little thing, wasn’t she?

Rey heard another few words being exchanged between Amanda and Kylo, although she couldn’t make out what they were saying. Rey was just about to get back out of the car and tell this girl off when Amanda walked away, and Kylo opened his door and got into the car.

“Ready to go?” he asked, turning to Rey with a smile.

“Beyond ready.” she said, and then cut her eyes back towards his side of the car where Amanda stood, leaning against a brick wall, her phone in her hand as she frantically typed with her thumbs. “What the heck was all that about?”

“That’s just Amanda.” Kylo said, and Rey was a bit shocked at his dismissal of the obviously crazy fan. “She gets a little overzealous, but she’s harmless.  And she’s one of our most active social media posters, so we try to stay on her good side.”

Her good side?  Rey thought about their interaction during the concert. Did Amanda even have a good side, she wondered as she watched the girl through narrowed eyes?

“Hey.” Kylo said softly, and Rey turned her head towards him. “Wanna take the long way back to my place? I bet 400 is completely deserted right now.” He smiled as Rey suddenly realized what he was insinuating, and that mischievous grin he was utterly addicted to appeared on her lips.

He leaned in and kissed her, his hand finding its way into the softness of her hair. She opened her mouth against his, a silent invitation to his tongue, and when she felt it slide between her lips her reaction was so intense it nearly frightened her.  He pulled back, far too quickly in Rey’s opinion, and pushed the Audi’s ignition button.

“Buckle up.” he said as the engine fired to life. “And please keep all hands and feet inside until the ride has come to a complete stop.” Rey laughed at his reference but did as he said and buckled her seatbelt securely around her. The tires squealed as Kylo peeled out of the parking lot, although whether it was intentional or not, Rey couldn’t tell. Desperate for her touch but unable to hold Rey’s hand since he had to operate the gear shift, Kylo reached over and took Rey’s hand and placed it on his thigh.

It remained there for the entirety of the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry for ending it on the thigh grab. -grin-
> 
> Also, did anyone notice how much the fight in the hallway sounded like two other people we all know and love (hint: "Why you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy looking nerf herder!")
> 
> Also, I wanted to let everyone know that there's going to be a short hiatus as I have to travel for ten days for my job. I'm going to TRY to post next weekend, but if that doesn't happen, I'll be back the Sunday after to post! Thank you for your patience! :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things heat up at Kylo's birthday party, and then burst into flames the morning after.
> 
> **IMPORTANT NOTE** As much as it pains me to do so, I must put this warning at the top of this chapter for DUBIOUS CONSENT. Some questionable decisions are made, and while everyone ends up doing the right thing, there are still possible triggers in this chapter, and the last thing I would want to do is upset anyone with the content I write. Therefore, if you have issues with dubious consent as it relates to drunk sex (drunk Rey, mostly-sober Kylo), then you might want to skip this chapter.
> 
> Also, sorry it took me so long to post this. I had an unexpected job change and things got kind of crazy for a month and blah blah blah. But hey, better late than never, right?
> 
> Oh, and light smut ahead. :)

 

> _*** Listen to: Madness - Muse -_ [ _Spotify_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/0c4IEciLCDdXEhhKxj4ThA) _***_

The early summer moon reflected off the deep, shimmering black finish of the sports car as it rounded a curve at breakneck speed.  The tires protested with a high-pitched wail, which given the luxury suspension of the expensive vehicle, was an indication of just how far it’s limits were being pushed. The sleek, sharp lines of the automobile seemed to blur as it twisted and careened down the city street, the Atlanta skyline tall and bright behind it.  The car came to an abrupt and screeching halt in front of Kylo’s building, and the valet looked up from his podium. The engine silenced, and the attendant opened the driver’s side door.

“How are you this evening, sir?” he said.

“Not bad, Charles.” Kylo said as he exited. “You?”

“Oh, I can’t complain.” the older gentleman said with a smile. Kylo handed him the car fob, as well as a twenty-dollar bill, and went around to open the passenger-side door. He held out a hand for Rey and when she placed her hand in his, he raised it to his lips and kissed the backs of her fingers before helping her out of the car.

When they reached the entrance of the building, Kylo held the door for Rey as she stepped inside. Rey’s head immediately began to swivel left and right as she took in the expansive and exquisitely decorated lobby. Massive light fixtures made from high-end stained glass hung from the thirty-foot cathedral-esque ceilings and huge modern paintings boasting bright, primary colors were displayed on the tall and angular walls.

“Sir. Ma’am.” The concierge acknowledged with a nod of his head towards the couple.

“Hi!” Rey replied with a little wave and a big smile. Kylo turned to smile at the man behind the desk, giving him a wink as they walked by and the concierge raised his eyebrows with a chuckle before going back to his newspaper.

“So what floor is your apartment on?” Rey asked after Kylo had pushed the button to call an elevator.

“Top floor. Twenty first.” He replied and Rey’s eyes widened.

“You’ll love the view.” he said, pulling her in front of him as they waited, so that her back was pressed firmly against him. “You can see the entire city from my terrace.” he continued as he wrapped his arms around her waist and gently squeezed.

“Sounds romantic.” she cooed softly and giggled as he nuzzled his nose in her hair and kissed the top of her ear.

When the elevator doors opened they stepped inside. Kylo fished his keys from his pocket and waved a small black fob in front of the elevator keypad, then pressed the button for the twenty-first floor. Before the doors even had a chance to close he had her against the back wall of the elevator, his mouth on hers. His hands gripped her upper arms and just as he was about to loosen his hold, afraid he might be hurting her, he felt the fingers of her left hand slip just underneath the waistband of his jeans which she used to pull him closer. His lips moved to her throat, where he planted urgent kisses on the sensitive skin near her collarbone. She groaned softly and slid her right arm over his shoulder and around his neck. Fueled by her response, he kissed harder and even dared to gently nip her skin with his teeth. A sharp giggle erupted from her throat but quickly morphed to a gasp, which then became a loud moan. She slid her fingers further into his jeans, unaware of what her curiosity was doing to him.

“Mmm… Ben.” she whispered into his hair. Caught off guard, he raised his head to stare at her.

“I,” she began, afraid she had upset him. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know where that came from.”

“No, don’t be sorry.” he reassured her. “You can call me that.” He kissed her on the lips. “I want you to call me that.” He kissed her again. “But only you.’ Another kiss. “And only when we’re alone.” His last kiss lingered, his fingers finding the silky softness of her hair.

“Our little secret.” she said softly when their mouths had parted, and again, that mischievous grin that had become one of his favorite things in the world. The elevator dinged to let them know they’d arrived at their floor and the doors slid open behind them.

When Kylo and Rey walked hand-in-hand into the apartment, thirty or so people were already there waiting. Before the couple could manage to get all the way through the door, everyone was rushing to greet Kylo with birthday wishes. Rey smiled up at him and let go of his hand so he could greet everyone. She backed out of the small crowd and looked around, amazed at both the size of the penthouse apartment, as well as the expensive decorating. She had always imagined that his place was going to be impressive, but impressive was honestly an understatement.

It was modern and industrial, elegantly although somewhat monochromatically appointed. The massive high ceilings were exposed, lending additional height to the already gigantic open space. The most incredible part of the entire place, in Rey’s opinion anyway, was the window wall that spanned the entire back of the apartment. It must have been at least 12 feet tall, and as Kylo had mentioned, the view of the city of Atlanta was completely and utterly amazing.

Rey wandered over to the window, all but pressing her nose to the glass. The flickering lights of the sprawling city below were soothing and hypnotic. She couldn’t imagine ever wanting to leave the apartment if she lived somewhere as beautiful as this. But something was nagging at the back of Rey’s mind.  An apartment like this would cost upwards of seven, maybe eight thousand dollars each month to lease. Starkiller’s local gigs didn’t pay anywhere near that kind of money -- she knew that from the plight of her friends in Rebel Scum who all had one, sometimes two side jobs to pay the bills. Starkiller’s album hadn't even debuted yet. So how exactly _did_ Kylo pay for the apartment, not to mention the $150,000 sports car he drove and the expensive clothes and the $15,000 worth of studio time at Red Five?

“Breathtaking.” Kylo said softly, wrapping his arms around her from behind as she gazed out the window.

“It is an amazing view.” Rey replied, placing her hands over his arms.

“I was talking about the gorgeous woman looking out the window, but yeah, the view of the city is nice too.” He moved her hair to the side and kissed her shoulder and she tilted her head back to nuzzle against him.

A loud pop sounded from behind them in the room, quickly followed by another and another. Kylo and Rey turned to see Nate and Alex raising bottles of champagne above their heads, foam gushing from the necks of the bottles onto the Italian tile floor.

“To Kylo Ren!” Nate toasted as he and Alex filled empty champagne flutes offered by the eager hands of the party attendees. “Happy birthday, boss!” Nate added as Alex handed Kylo two bubbly-filled glasses. Kylo passed one to Rey, and raised the other above his head.

“To Starkiller’s debut album and to Music Midtown!” he bellowed and the crowd erupted into cheers and applause. He turned to clink glasses with Rey and belted the entire glass of champagne back in one gulp, then offered his glass to Alex for a refill. Rey sipped her champagne slowly, unsure at first -- the strongest thing she’d ever drunk was a third of a light beer she’d shared with Rose at dinner one night and that had made them both so giggly even Finn was rolling his eyes by the end of the night. This stuff was delicious though. It was both sweet and not sweet at the same time and the bubbles tickled her tongue.

“Come on,” Kylo said into Rey’s ear, taking her by the hand. “I want to introduce you to some people.” He led her to a small group that had gathered by the catering table.

“Rey, this is Anthony Bigsby, Senior Media Director for Trinity Music Group. They’re based here in Atlanta.” The man put his hand out and Rey shook it as she said hello. “And this is Alicia Danner, Partner Development  Manager for Google Play.” Another handshake and smiling hello. “And Marc Ritter, Senior Apps Development Manager for YouTube.” The young man shook Rey’s hand and smiled.

“It’s not as exciting as it sounds.” Marc told Rey with a grin.

“No one though it sounded exciting, sweetie.” Alicia from Google said and everyone laughed, and although Rey wasn’t sure she got the joke, she laughed too.

“This is Rey Jackoby.” Kylo told the group as he turned to smile at her. ”Rey works as a sound engineer at Red Five Music, the studio where we recorded the last tracks for the album.”

Rey glanced up at Kylo. Sound engineer? She was barely an apprentice, much less an engineer. She wondered if he had he made her seem more important than she really was for her sake, or for his own? Considering the high-profile companies the trio in front of her represented, she was honestly a little glad he had fudged her title a bit. These were exactly the kinds of networking opportunities that could eventually help her further her career.

Rey sipped her champagne as Kylo and the others talked about streaming rights and royalties, marketing to subscribers, the pros and cons of fan-published content and Rey soon felt completely out of her element. She was not tech-savvy and computers and the internet tended to overwhelm her, which seemed ironic given her love of all things wired. She noticed she was becoming a little bit light-headed, but the feeling wasn’t unpleasant. In fact, she kind of liked it.

Rey looked up at Kylo as he chatted with his friends and it was as if she were looking at him for the first time. His face was so expressive and she loved how his brown eyes grew so intense when the topic interested him, yet his gaze somehow remained warm and friendly. But it was his mouth that she could not seem to keep her eyes off of. His lips were full and almost salaciously plump and he would pull them in over his teeth when he was listening intently. Sometimes he absentmindedly and almost nervously ran his tongue over his bottom lip and each time he did, Rey’s breath would threaten to hide in her chest. She was in the middle of a particularly naughty daydream featuring Kylo’s mouth when she noticed her champagne glass was empty. She made eye-contact with one of the server’s from the catering service who had taken over filling drinks and her glass was once again full of the sweet and bubbly liquid.

“So, Rey!” Marc from YouTube said and Rey turned to look at him, suddenly wishing she had been keeping up with the conversation. “What lead you towards sound engineering?” he asked. Rey froze for a split second. She didn’t want to tell them the truth - her childhood of squalor and desert junk. One word suddenly flashed like neon in her mind: Lie.

“Oh, well, like pretty much everyone, music was always very important to me.” At least that was the truth, Rey thought as the words tumbled from her mouth as quickly as she could think them up. “I grew up in the southwest -- Las Vegas area.” Rey saw Kylo quickly glance at her out of the corner of her eye. Why should he care if she lied? He started it! “My uncle owned a…. sound and lighting supply company. He provided equipment and services to a lot of the Vegas music venues. When I would…. stay with him during the summers, he would take me out on calls. I guess I became kind of enamored with the music business. I was always particularly good at fixing things and I have a penchant for attention to details, so engineering eventually became my focus. I was lucky enough to apprentice with Lucas Walker at Red Five Music when I arrived here in Atlanta.”

“Good on you, girlfriend!” Alicia said.

“And kudos for taking on a male-dominated field!.” Marc interjected. He didn’t see Alicia roll her eyes at him as he raised his glass to Rey in a mock-toast.

“Oh my God, how is Walker?” Anthony asked cheerfully. “I haven’t talked to that old bastard in years but holy shit, the trouble we used to get into!” He chuckled as he took a swig of his beer. “Hey, when you see him, tell him Biggs said hello. I’d love to come check out Red Five some time. Our clients are constantly asking for referrals to local recording studios. Maybe we could bring you a little business?”

“I, uh,sure!” Rey chimed, beaming ear-to-ear. Although she wasn’t sure how she was going to explain to Walker how his old friend now thought Rey was a sound engineer. She would cross that bridge when she came to it. She downed the remainder of the champagne in her glass and was about to look for a refill when a loud voice echoed through the room.

“Cake, cake, cake!” Nate bellowed. Alex and Faz joined into the chorus as someone dimmed the lights and the caterers brought out a huge sheet cake. It was elaborately decorated with the Starkiller logo surrounded by a circle of black birthday candles, their tiny flames burning brightly in the low light. Faz came over and grabbed Kylo by the arm, but he reached down and caught Rey’s hand just in time so that he drug her with him as Faz lead him to the cake. Kylo rolled his eyes as a chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’ began and the band members egged him on to blow out the candles.

“Need a fire extinguisher, boss?” Nate joked and everyone laughed as Kylo shot him a look. When everyone had commenced singing and thoroughly embarrassing him, Kylo took a deep breath. He easily blew out every single candle, much to the surprise of all the onlookers who broke out into immediate applause.

“What’d you wish for?” Faz asked with an elbow to Kylo’s ribs.

“None of your business.” he shot back but slid his hand around Rey’s waist and pulled her tightly against him. Faz rolled her eyes and went to retrieve herself a slice of cake.

“Chocolate!” Rey said when the caterer handed her a small plate with a very large piece of cake on it. She was just about to shovel an equally large bite into her mouth when Kylo took the fork from her hand and shoved the bite of cake in his mouth.

“Hey!” Rey exclaimed in an annoyed tone, partly in mock anger, partly in actual anger (she really liked chocolate cake.) Kylo shrugged.

“You can’t eat the birthday cake before the birthday boy eats the birthday cake.” he said with his mouth full of chocolate. Rey narrowed her eyes. By the time Kylo recognized that mischievous grin that he loved so much, it was too late. Rey had scooped up two fingers full of chocolate icing and was headed straight for his face with them. He was able to side-step and grab her wrist in just enough time to keep her from smearing the fluffy frosting on his face, but the result was the glob of creamy confection dropping onto his shirt.

“Oops.” Rey said innocently but her eyes clearly showed that she had no remorse. Kylo chuckled. Still holding Rey’s wrist in one huge hand, he used a napkin in the other to scoop most of the frosting off his shirt. He then stuck Rey’s fingers in his mouth and slowly and very thoroughly sucked off the remainder of the chocolate. He watched, delighted, as her grin melted, replaced by crimson cheeks and a fire in her eyes so intense he could nearly feel the heat from it.

“Guess I’m changing shirts now!” Kylo said. He kissed the back of Rey’s hand before he let go of it. “Be back in a minute.” He walked to the master bedroom and slid the pocket door open and stepped inside. But as he turned, he caught Rey’s eyes and held her gaze for a moment before sliding the doors closed in front of him. She caught his drift and walked towards the bedroom, stopping to devour the last of her cake beforehand, so it wouldn’t seem so obvious to everyone that she was following him.

 

 _*** Listen to: Angel - Massive Attack -_ [ _Spotify_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/7uv632EkfwYhXoqf8rhYrg) _***_

“Where’d you go?” Rey asked as she walked into the expansive master bedroom, dimly lit only by small ambient lights which ran across the baseboards near the hardwood floors. She slid the door closed behind her. “I’m so sorry about that.” She heard him moving around in another room towards the back, so she slowly walked that way -- not only because the room was dark, but because she was having a trouble moving in a straight line. When she reached the closed door that he was behind, she leaned on it, and laid her palm flat against the smooth surface.

“Are you mad at me?” she asked. She didn’t really think he was, but in a way, she kind of wanted him to be. She liked the way he looked at her when he was angry -- all dark and brooding and fiery-eyed. “Ben?”

“Why would I be mad at you?” he asked as the bathroom door slid open. He was shirtless and so broad he nearly filled the entire door frame. Rey simply stood and stared for a moment, her limbs frozen in place, the only sound her quickening breath. He tossed the t-shirt he had in his hand to the countertop, the idea of putting it on abandoned, and took a step towards her. She reached out to touch him and the second the tips of her fingers grazed his skin, he had her hand in his and was pulling her to him. He reached down and slid his hands under her ass and around her thighs and picked her up as effortlessly as if she were a feather pillow. Rey wrapped her arms and legs around him as he pushed her back against the wall, her fingers already hopelessly tangled in his hair, her mouth hungrily searching for his.

Kylo’s left hand gripped her ass, holding her up and against him, but his right hand began to explore, up and underneath the material of her top. He marvelled at the softness and warmth of her skin as he gingerly stroked up her side. He felt her moan against his mouth, and then he drew in a sudden sharp breath as he felt her take his bottom lip between her teeth.

“You taste like chocolate.” she cooed against his mouth and he made a mental note to buy a case of chocolate syrup to keep on hand for future endeavors. He squeezed her ass tightly in his hand and then flipped her sideways into his arms (prompting a little squeal of surprise from Rey) and carried her across the room. He laid her on her back on his bed and kneeled above her, staring down at her, his eyes devouring her in the soft light.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” He asked, the emotion so thick in his voice that she could almost feel it as it traveled through the air between them.

“I do now.” she replied as she nestled herself into his downy pillows. He leaned forward, resting his weight on his hands which he placed on either side of her head. He ran his lips gently against the side of her neck and the soft sound she made, like a hungry kitten mewling, threatened to undo him. He had been so patient with her, tamping down his urges and emotions, not wanting to push her too far or move too quickly. Now that she was in his bed, however, her body arching against him, her hands groping at his flesh, he wasn’t sure he could hold himself back much longer. But… was this what she wanted? He wouldn’t risk taking her further than she was ready or willing to go.

“Are you ok with this?” He asked, his breath hot against her ear.

“Mmmmm…” she hummed. “Definitely ok with this.” Her voice sounded sleepy and far away, but her fingers on his shoulders drew him in closer to her as he planted sweet kisses along her hairline. Rey placed her hand on the side of his face and turned him to her and raised slightly until she found his mouth with hers. They kissed like wild things with frenzied, circling tongues, pinched lips and colliding teeth. She tasted like the expensive champagne they’d been drinking earlier and the sweetness of the chocolate cake, an intoxicating combination.

Rey grabbed the hem of her top and threw it over her head. Kylo stopped and stared for a moment, his limbs frozen in place, the only sound his quickening breath.

“What?” she asked in that same sleepy voice.

“I don’t deserve you.” he said softly, finally giving voice to the thought that had been lingering in the back of his mind since the first time they met. She looked up at him for a moment and then shook her head. She raised up on her knees to face him, and combed her fingers through his hair, sweeping it behind his ears, somewhat surprised he did not stop her. Instead, he just stared at her, awestruck, as if he were afraid to move else he might break whatever spell held her there with him.

“Don’t say that.” She said, trailing her fingers down his neck and over his chest. She rested her hands there, palms against him so she could feel his heartbeat and hold herself upright. “You know that’s not true. Look around you. Your life is amazing.” He noticed her words were slurring a bit. How much champagne had she drunk? “I come from nothing. I’m no one. I’m the one who doesn’t deserve to be here with you.”

Kylo took her face in his hands and brought her to him, resting his forehead on hers.

“You may come from nothing, but you’re everything to me.” he said. Rey tilted her head up slightly to look into his eyes.

“Then show me, Ben.” Rey whispered, wrapping her naked arms around his neck and nuzzling her face against him. “Show me what I mean to you.” He sighed into her hair, a desperate sound, as he began to drown in the tidepool of emotions her request had thrown him into. Extreme desire and utter adoration consumed him, but doubt and fear were close behind, threatening to pull him down. What was happening to him? No other girl had ever made him feel this way. He realized with sudden clarity the error in that thought.

No other girl had ever made him feel.

Rey reached behind her to unclasp her bra, which she slid from her shoulders as Kylo watched, unable to breathe from the weight of the anticipation. Her small, perfect breasts bounced as she wrestled with her jeans and tried unsuccessfully to wriggle out of them as she balanced on one knee and then the other, finally toppling over with a loud giggle.

“A little help?” she asked, and Kylo reached down to peel the skin-tight pants from her legs. All that was left now was a particularly lovely pair of lace panties, which happened to be his favorite shade of crimson red. He reached down to slide them off of her when her foot suddenly appeared on his chest, pushing him back.

“Uh, you’re a little behind there, big boy.” she said and gestured towards his lower body. “Let’s see what you’re hiding in those Calvin Klein's.”

Kylo grinned and locked eyes with her as he unbuttoned his jeans. He rose from the bed to remove them, sliding them, along with his boxers, down and off. Rey rose up on her elbows to see and Kylo smirked as he watched her eyes grow large, one eyebrow hitched upwards.

“That is, uhhh…. Wow!” she stammered and he chuckled as he slid back onto the bed next to her. He ran his hand up the length of her thigh, his fingertips venturing underneath the bottom edge of her panties, but she twisted away from him. He raised his eyes to hers, eyebrows knitted in silent questioning. “Ok, so like, I guess this would be a good time to mention that…” she paused, obviously trying to decide what she would say next.

“You’re not on the pill?”, he replied for her, more of a statement than a question. He was kissing her stomach now, slow and deliberately. “It’s ok. I’ll use a condom.”

“Um, ok, yeah. That too, but…”, he ran his tongue up the gentle slope of her right breast and she quivered beneath him and sighed, but once again twisted away. Kylo stopped, raising up and resting on his forearm to look at her.

“Ok, then what is it?” he pleaded, his tone more unpleasant than he meant, a product of his frustration. He could tell immediately she was embarrassed, or afraid, and he softened. He brushed a stray strand of caramel-colored hair back from her forehead. “Tell me.”

“It’s just that I… I’ve never really done… this…. before.”  Her voice trailed off at the end, and she turned her head to look away, but he caught her chin with his hand.

“Rey, look at me.” he said, but it was a gentle command. She turned her eyes back to his. With the sweet, sleepy look she gave him, she could have made him do anything she asked. Lucily, the thing she wanted at that moment was what he wanted more than anything in the world. “It doesn’t matter to me, if that’s what you’re worried about. As long as you’re ok with it -- as long as you’re happy -- that’s all that matters to me. We’ll go slow. I’ll go slow. And if you’re uncomfortable with anything, or if you want to stop for any reason, just tell me.” He lowered his face to hers and kissed her forehead, then her nose, then her lips. “It’s just you and me, sweetheart, and you have nothing to worry about, ok?”

Rey nodded in response, her eyes glistening with emotion from his words. She kissed him softly, her hands smoothing back the dark waves of hair that had fallen in his face.

“You should probably take these off now.” she whispered in his ear, and guided his hand down to her little lace panties.

“I don’t know.” he teased in response. “I really like them.” Instead of pulling them down, he slid his hand down inside the front. “Why don’t you keep them where they are for a little while longer?” His fingers found her patch of downy hair at the top of her mound and she moaned deeply as his hand moved down further and his fingers slipped inside her folds. Her back arched when he grazed her clit with his thumb and she trembled in reflex as he began to circle it slowly and rhythmically. He leaned in to kiss and suck the fleshy parts of her breasts, before taking one pert and rosey nipple in his mouth and flicking it with his tongue.

Unable to work around her panties any longer, he slid them down and off and tossed them to the floor. Returning his thumb to her clit, already swollen in response to his efforts, he moved his middle finger down to gently tease her entrance. Her hand went straight to his hair where she gripped and pulled him closer. She was already slick with arousal, so he pushed gently and slowly inside of her, attentive to any indication that he might be hurting her. All he received in response were her soft moans.

He slid further inside, his mouth on her thigh now, lips open against her skin, his attention solely on the sensation of the tightness of her walls as the quivered around his finger. When he had advanced past his second knuckle he began to gently massage upwards. He knew he had found the spot he was looking for when her grip on his hair tightened and her back arched slightly. She made that kitten-mewl sound again, and this time, it pushed him over the edge.

He kissed her mound and then moved his mouth down slightly to replace the thumb that was resting on her clit with his tongue. He breathed her in as he circled and caressed her, her musky scent intoxicating him as he worked. His only desire was her pleasure and he concentrated all his efforts on taking her to and over that edge. He slid his finger further inside her and nudged her opening with a second fingertip. Receiving no resistance, he gently slipped it in alongside the other, and he felt his cock twitch beneath him. She was so warm, so soft and wet, yet so incredibly tight against his fingers.

He latched onto her clit with his lips and sucked gently, bracing himself for her response, but when he got none, he was surprised and taken aback. He increased his efforts and sucked her clit with a bit more pressure, flicking the tip with his tongue as he worked his fingers inside her. Still nothing. He raised his head slightly to look up the length of her body.

“Do you like that?” he prompted. No reply. “Rey?” Silence. Shit. He stopped what he was doing and crawled back up to lay by her side. “Rey?” He brushed her hair back to reveal her sleeping face. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers in frustration. He should have stopped her after the first glass of champagne. He had garnered early on that she wasn’t a drinker -- her refusal of drinks both on their date at the cantina and at the show earlier that night at the Masquerade had lead him to that conclusion.

He rolled her over on her side. He’d had enough drunk girls in his bed to know that was a necessary action and she groaned in response, irritated by the disturbance. But instead of rolling over to his own side of the bed like he usually did, he moved his body behind hers and slid his arm around her waist, tucking his knees in behind hers. He smiled when he felt her move back against him and sigh, a contented sound. He brought the comforter up over them both and kissed the back of her neck as he closed his eyes. The sounds of his own birthday party still in full swing filtered in from the other room, but the rhythm of her breathing was all it took to lull him to sleep.

 

 

 

The sun poured in through the massive window behind Kylo’s bed. He rolled over, hands automatically searching for Rey’s body, but when they came up empty, he opened his eyes in confusion.

She was just finishing buttoning her jeans when he raised up on his elbows to look at her.

“Morning, beautiful. I’m thinking pancakes.” he said sleepily. “Sundays are always good for pancakes.”

“Take me home, please.” she said curtly. He could have sworn he heard a tinge of panic in her voice.

“Rey, what’s wrong?” Kylo was fully awake now and he swung his legs over the edge of the bed, searching for his clothes that had been discarded who-knew-where the night before.

“How can you even ask me that?” she threw back at him. She was angry, but he had yet to grasp why, so he just sat and stared at her, hoping for clarification. She gave it to him in short order. “I wake up naked in your bed… granted I should not have drunk all that champagne, but that did not give you the right to…” she pointed sternly at the bed and then turned away from him, ashamed and so angry.

She didn’t remember. Kylo lowered his face to his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. She didn’t fucking remember and now she thought… he took a deep breath and kept his voice calm.

Rey watched him as he rose from the bed. Even through her anger, the sight of him naked in the sunlight stole her breath, and she gripped her thighs tightly to quell the sensation growing between them. There was a tattoo on the back of his right shoulder, beautifully rendered in black ink only. A feathery bird with wings spread wide seemed to take flight. When he moved, it gave the illusion of the bird’s wings fluttering. She wished she could fly away with it.

“Rey, nothing happened.” he told her, his voice bringing her out of her thoughts, attempting to reassure her. He slid his jeans up, sans underwear which he couldn’t seem to find. He walked over to her, but he could tell touching her at that moment would have been a bad idea, so he just stood near her as he spoke. “What’s the last thing you remember?” He inquired, but she was far too upset to be rational.

“If nothing happened, then why am I…” she paused and he saw her bottom lip tremble as her cheeks reddened. She huffed, irritated at her own embarrassment. “Then why am I sore?” The look she gave him was pure vitriol.

“We… I mean, I…”, he stammered. He raked his hand back through his hair, realizing that no matter how he worded the truth, it was going to sound bad. But he could not lie to her. “I used my fingers, Rey. You were enjoying it, I swear.” Now he was starting to sound panicked. “I never would have done anything that you didn’t want to do. We talked for a while. You told me you’d never done it before, but you told me you were ready. Rey, I would never...:”

“But I was drunk, Ben!” she shouted, “You had no right!” He sat down hard on the side of the bed with her outburst ringing in his ears. She was right. What had he done?

“I’m sorry.” That was all he could think to say, his voice low and quiet. “I stopped when I realized…”

“Just take me home.” she said.

He could tell there was no room left for discussion. He stood up, utterly defeated, and went to look for his phone and keys.

 

 

 

_*** Listen to: Stay - Rihanna -_ [ _Spotify_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/1dEy9Pl81QopSxNsPxXQxv) _***_

The ride to Rey’s apartment was wretched for them both. Rey sat silent, hands fidgeting in her lap as she stared out the passenger window in an obvious attempt to thwart any attempt Kylo might have made at conversation. He, on the other hand, was wound as tight as a spring, his anxious mind going over and over the night before in a desperate attempt to discover something -- anything -- that could fix this. But by the time his car pulled into the back lot of Red Five Music, he had come up empty handed. She jumped out of the car and slammed the door behind her before he even had a chance to turn to look at her and walked briskly towards the studio door.

No. It couldn’t end like this.

“Rey!” he called after her. He had exited the car but he wouldn’t chase after her. He had already done enough damage to her trust in him. She slowed her pace, but did not turn.

“Rey.” he called to her again and he made no attempt to hide the desperate, pleading tone in his voice. “Please.”

Rey stopped. Just as when they had fought before the show the previous night, she didn’t want to turn around. She knew the second she looked at him, she would give in. Part of her wanted desperately for that to happen, to turn and run to him, to have him wrap her in his arms. No! He had taken advantage of her! She couldn’t just let that go.

Her mind was a tumult of thoughts and emotions. She was angry, yet confused. The fact that she could not remember what had happened the night before left her unsure and frustrated. She didn’t feel like Ben was lying to her. Regardless, she felt used somehow. It was all too much and tears began to run down her face. She sniffled angrily and brushed them from her hot cheeks.

“Can we please just sit down and talk about…” he began to ask, sensing her inner turmoil, but she wasn’t ready.

“Just stop.” she cut him off but her voice broke with a sob. “I need some time. Please, just give me some time, Ben.” And with that, she walked inside the studio and shut the door behind her.

Kylo stood by his car, hands gripping the top of the door frame with white knuckles. He stared at the studio door, praying for a miracle and for her to reappear there, willing to talk to him, to allow him to tell her how much he... But the door did not open again.

He didn’t remember the drive home or the route he had taken to get there. His mind was back where he had left Rey, where it would stay until he could see her again. He even parked his own car, unwilling to rely on himself for any form of cordial banter, even with the concierge. He closed his eyes on the elevator ride back up to his apartment, partly because he couldn’t stand to look at the place where they had kissed the night before, but also because a throbbing headache was beginning to form in his temples.

“Everybody out!” he bellowed when he entered his apartment and not a single person argued or delayed their exit when they heard his tone. Only Nate gave Kylo a glance as he followed Faz to the door, eyebrow raised in question.

“It’s fine.” Kylo said to him. “I’m fine.” Nate could tell that was a bold-faced fucking lie, but he didn’t press.  “I’m…” Kylo took a glass from the kitchen cabinet as he struggled for words and put it down on the countertop with a little more force than he intended. The sound reverberated around the open space. “I’m going to work on the album tracks for the rest of the day. I’ll file share the ones I finish with you tonight for review.”

“You got it, boss.” Nate said. He lingered for a moment longer, watching Kylo as he stood staring silent and motionless at the empty glass in front of him on the countertop. They had all seen the hasty exit he and Freckles had made that morning, and the look on the girl’s face had spawned more than a few torrid rumors. Evidently, they had not been far from the truth, given Kylo’s mood. Nate nodded and left the apartment before he overstayed his welcome, leaving Kylo alone.

When the door closed, Kylo continued to stand motionless for a moment, his breaths coming too quickly, hands trembling.  He grabbed the bottle of vodka from the large grouping of liquor bottles left over from the party the night before. He had the lid twisted half way off when he suddenly realized it was only nine in the morning. He turned and opened the refrigerator and removed a container of orange juice and poured the glass half full. On second thought, he continued to screw the lid off the bottle of vodka and filled the glass the rest of the way to the top.

He took a sip as he walked over to the sofa. The catering company had cleaned up most of the trash from the party the night before, the only remnants that remained were from his band mates who had stayed the night. He shoved a pile of cake plates and plastic cups out of the way and put his drink down, and walked to his office to retrieve his laptop.

It wasn’t there.

Kylo stared at his desk for a moment, perplexed. He remembered plugging the laptop in the day before so it could charge. The charger cord was still there, the connector dangling over the edge of the desk, it’s other end still plugged into the wall. Kylo glanced around, suddenly unsure of himself, thinking he may have moved it at some point, but the computer was nowhere to be found. He walked back out into the living room and scanned for the laptop, but didn’t see it anywhere. He checked the bedroom, but it wasn’t there either, then back to the office to check under things, in drawers. Then he started checking ridiculous places like the bathroom and laundry room.

He was panicking. That laptop contained all the completed tracks for the upcoming Starkiller album. Six months and tens of thousands of dollars of studio time and hard work. Kylo ran his hands back through his hair as he spun around the room, desperately trying to lay eyes on the computer.

The memory stick! He headed back towards the office. The memory stick held the backups for the tracks along with the song lyrics, marketing materials and publicity photoshoots the band had done. Kylo stopped short before he reached the door of his office as he realized with a sudden wave of nausea that the memory stick had been plugged into the laptop. He had been transferring photos over from previous shows that fans had uploaded to social media.

This could not be happening. Where was the laptop? Kylo fished his phone from his pocket and dialed Nate.

“What’s up, boss?” Nate answered on the second ring.

“Did you guys use my laptop while you were here?” Kylo asked as he returned to the living room and sank onto the sofa. He heard Nate ask Faz and Alex, who were in the car with him.

“None of us used it.” Nate answered. “Why?”

“I can’t find it.” Kylo said. His voice had a sharp edge that Nate recognized all too well, and he was enunciating every word, something Kylo did when he was particularly perturbed. “It was in my office charging before I left for the Masquerade yesterday and now it’s not there.” He was silent for a moment, thinking. “Where’s Hux?”

“He left early this morning. Around 3AM.” Nate explained. “Found himself a piece of trim that likes the taste of bitter ginger.” he heard Faz’ uproarious laughter in response to that comment in the background.

“Did you see him when he left?” Kylo asked. He was not above accusing his own band members at this point. The concept of one of them stealing the laptop with their own music on it made little to no sense, but Kylo didn’t care about logic in his desperation.

“Yeah.” Nate said. “We were all gagging on our cake as he was mouth-fucking that jailbait on the way out the door. He didn’t have the laptop, boss.”

“Fuck!” Kylo screamed as he flew up off the sofa. “Nate, listen to me. All the tracks were on that laptop. The memory stick with the backups to all the tracks was in that laptop. Am I making myself clear here? This is a fucking problem.”

“I’m reading you, boss.” Nate said and then took the phone from his mouth as he yelled at Faz and Alex to shut the fuck up. “Tell me what to do.”

“I want to know every single person who was in my apartment last night.” Kylo instructed. He was seething now, the chords in his neck standing out from the tension that was building in his body. “I don’t care if you have to go door to door, I want to know who took that fucking laptop so I can beat their fucking ass with it when I get it back!”

“Understood, boss.” Nate said. “We’ll get right on it.”

Kylo angrily threw his phone when Nate had hung up, and luckily it connected with the back of an oversized chair as opposed to the wall he had been aiming for. He sunk back down on the sofa, but then continued sliding downward until he was in the floor. He picked up his drink and leaned his head back on the cushion behind him, but the second he closed his eyes, Rey’s face was there. His lids sprung back open and he shook his head, both an attempt to dislodge the vision of her from his mind and in response to this unbelievable situation.

He glanced towards his phone and nearly reached over to grab it, hoping that she might have texted him, or called, but he knew better. She was royally pissed off at him, and rightfully so. How in the hell had he managed to fuck things up with her so egregiously? He had made every attempt to do right by Rey, and yet somehow, it had all gone horribly wrong. He placed the cold surface of the glass against his aching head.

And for the first time in a very long time, Kylo Ren wept.

 

 

 

Rey sat on her bed, her legs drawn up in front of her, arms wrapped tightly around them. The complete quiet in the room was both deafening and comforting as she tried to make sense of the din in her head. Her stomach growled, but the nausea and headache she had made food seem, for the first time in her life, unappealing. She bent her head down and rested her forehead on her knees, but when she did, she realized she could smell Ben. God, his scent was all over her and even permeated her clothes.

She got up off the bed and walked to the bathroom, stripping off her clothes as she went. Bottom lip trembling, she ran the water for a warm shower. She didn’t want to wash him away, but she had to if she was going to keep her sanity for the rest of the day. She removed her bra and then hooked her fingers into the waist of the red lace panties. She smiled softly and sadly as she pulled them down. Ben had been so fond of them.

Wait. How did she know that?

Rey leaned up against the sink as she willed her mind to return to the night before. It was like a jigsaw puzzle where most of the pieces were black and just a few had patterns. She remembered Ben saying how he liked her red panties and then she had taken his hand.

Rey put her fingers up to her lips as she remembered asking Ben to take them off of her and how he had opted to keep them on her since he liked them so much. That reinstated memory prompted another one of her fingers wound tightly in his hair as he touched her where no one other than herself had ever touched before. Her body reacted to that memory in a way that made her bite her bottom lip in response, her hand gripping the coolness of the sink behind her.

He had been gentle with her and she had enjoyed it. But the memories seemed to stop there. She had no idea how far they had gone after that, or if Ben had been truthful when he said he had stopped when he saw she had fallen asleep. Something inside of her chest tightened at that thought. She knew in her heart he was telling her the truth, so why was her brain fighting what she felt?

Rey got into the shower and sighed as the warm water ran over her body. She turned to face the stream and bent her head so her hair was soaked through. The sadness she felt resonated to her bones, an ache that not even the heat of the water could touch.

She cared about Ben. She cared deeply for him, which in itself was ludicrous given the time they had known each other. But regardless of her feelings, this was all becoming too much. She had changed since she had met Kylo Ren… Ben, and not for the better. She had been ignoring her friends and even lying to them so she could be with him without judgement. She had even put her job in jeopardy if Walker decided that Rey dating clients was against company policy. Ben caused her to lose her inhibitions and she saw very well where that had gotten her the night before.

Rey knew what she had to do. And as the weight of that decision crashed down upon her, she cried, her tears mixing with the warm stream of water as it ran down her face. 

 

 

 

That night, as she was about to crawl into bed, almost on reflex Rey grabbed her phone to call Ben. She was so used to his voice as she prepared to drift off into dreams, she wondered how she would get to sleep without him. But she had made her decision and with her eyes filled to the brim with tears, she texted him.

 **iMessage 10:48PM  
** \-----------------

 **Rey  
** I need to talk to you.  
In person. Tomorrow,  
if possible.  
\-----------------

She waited for a few minutes, but never saw the dots animate to tell her he was replying. She sunk down on her bed, her phone lying by her head as she waited for the chime to tell her he had answered her.

She fell asleep a few moments later but it didn’t matter. A reply never came.

 

 

 

Nate and Alex had worked all afternoon to find the laptop. A list of guests had been made that was as thorough as possible and at least a hundred texts had been sent and nearly as many calls made. Nate realized early on the fruitlessness of the venture. If someone had stolen the laptop, why in the fuck would they fess up to it when asked? Regardless, to keep Kylo happy, they continued until each person had been messaged with or spoken to, and at the end of the day, there was still no laptop.

The band had wanted to discuss what they should do, but Kylo was not in the proper mindset to have that conversation yet. Nate decided it was best to let Kylo drink or fuck or otherwise work off his anger, and they would regroup in the morning. He felt sorry for the patronage of whatever bar or strip club Kylo Ren ended up in, as he knew the hell that would be unleashed on Atlanta that night. Nate made sure he had enough cash for bail before heading home, just in case he got that early morning call.

What Nate didn’t know was that Kylo never even left his apartment that day. For hours, he sat in that same spot on the floor in front of his sofa, picking melodies on his guitar and writing lyrics haphazardly on a notepad in felt tip pen. He would write, then scratch out furiously, then write more underneath.

By the time Nate called him with the bad news of the still-missing laptop, night had fallen, and the last of Kylo’s mental and physical energy was spent. He had eaten only a bowl of cereal earlier that day, and that was just so that he could stomach more vodka. His head swam when he rose from the floor, and he barely made it to his bed before falling into it.

His sheets smelled like Rey, and he gripped the pillow beneath his head tightly as he breathed her in. God how he wished she were there. Would he ever even see her again? He glanced once more at his phone. No missed calls, and no texts. He had forgotten to charge it the night before and the battery currently held only a tiny bit of life. He didn’t even know where the hell his charger cord was, and frankly, he didn’t give a shit. He tossed the phone to the empty side of the bed and rolled over, the pillow still gripped tightly in his hands.

He was asleep long before his phone buzzed to alert him of a text. Seconds later, Kylo’s phone died, having used up the last of its charge, and the screen went black.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo gets a rude awakening, and Rey and Rose have an unexpected confrontation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wild update appears!
> 
> Thanks for being patient, I know it's been a while. I promise I'm not abandoning this story, even though writing has slowed to a snails-pace for me right now. The GOOD news is, chapter 12 is already in the works and going well. I won't promise an update next weekend, but it is a possibility!

_ Listen to:  Skinny Love - Bon Iver --  _ [ _ Spotify _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/2cbic3TiUENlJX91y67ARR)

Kylo awoke to the sound of loud knocking on his front door, a pounding in his head and a wave of nausea. Ok, maybe that much vodka on a mostly empty stomach wasn’t the best life decision he’d ever made, but hey, he had been on a roll of bad decisions that week. He slid out of bed, still dressed in the crumpled jeans and t-shirt from the day before, and stumbled to the door. Squinting against the impossibly bright daylight, he threw open the door just as the person on the other side had begun to loudly knock yet again.

“What?” Kylo shouted, but the second it came out of his mouth, he regretted it.  He pressed his thumb and forefingers against his temples to try to contain the demon that was attempting to claw its way out of his head. The wave of nausea was becoming a tsunami.

“Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Solo.” It was the man from the concierge desk.  Regardless of how many times he had asked them to refer to him by his preferred name, they inevitably called him by the name that was on his lease. That document, of course, had been written up and signed by his mother. “This overnight package came for you, and there was no answer on your phone. I thought I’d better bring it up to you, in case it was important.” He handed the package, one of those express overnight document mailers, to Kylo. He took it, mumbled an insincere thanks, and began to shut the door.

“Oh, one more thing.” the concierge said, and Kylo held the door with an exasperated sigh. “Rent was due on Friday and I noticed there was no payment posted for your unit, which is unusual. Just thought I’d give you a reminder.” Kylo nodded silently as he shut the door. He tossed the package on the chair by the door and headed to the bathroom. He would have to text his mother later to tell her that her errand boy had forgotten to post the rent check. But for now, Aleve, and Pepto, and where the fuck did he even put his phone?

Rey sat at the little table by the window of the coffee shop, an untouched blueberry pastry in front of her, a cup of hot tea in her hands. She stared out the window, but she wasn’t watching the early Monday morning bedlam that was occurring on the streets outside. Her thoughts were turned inward towards a particular set of brown eyes and a sorrow that she was not sure she was prepared to endure. 

The conversation she was about to have was not going to make this day any easier, either. Rey sighed into her peppermint tea, and her breath wavered a bit as she exhaled. She slowly reached over to her phone which sat on the table by the pastry she could not stomach. She pushed the button to activate the screen, but just as she had expected, there were no texts. No missed calls. Nothing. Ben was either avoiding her or ignoring her completely, and it was breaking her heart in two. 

“Rey-Jay?” a light touch on Rey’s shoulder accompanied the voice. Rey turned to Rose, and without a word, put her arms around her friend and hugged her close. Tears fell from Rey’s eyes, and she didn’t bother to wipe them away. She had stopped trying to fight them the night before. Rose wrapped her arms around Rey and held her tight in that silent solidarity that only the closest of friends can comprehend.

For the next half hour, as the softness of the southern dawn made way for a fresh new day, Rey told Rose about Kylo (she never referred to him as Ben to Rose, because as promised, that was their little secret) and all that had transpired between them over the past short weeks. Rose listened intently with no interruptions, other than to instruct Rey to blow her nose after she handed her a tissue from her book bag.

“I’m so sorry.” Rey said softly as she ended her telling of events. She was exhausted and it was apparent in her voice. Sleep had abandoned her after the night at Ben’s, and she hadn’t been eating which had left her body tired and her mind foggy. “I haven’t been a good friend. I kept things from you. I lied to you.” She dissolved into tears again, but Rose reached over and took both of Rey’s hands into her own.

“No. Nope.” she said softly, and gently shook Rey’s hands for emphasis. “This is  _ our _ fault.” When she heard Rose’s last statement, Rey looked up, confusion in her eyes. “Finn and I both were so quick to tell you what you should do.” Rose continued with a shake of her head. “We didn’t consider your feelings. And we didn’t respect the fact that you’re an adult and can do whatever the heck you want, with whoever the heck you want.” Rose looked down at their hands as she contemplated what to say next. 

“I’m so sorry you’re hurting.” Rose continued. “And if you are asking me for advice, then I’ll happily give it to you.  But if not, just know that I’m here for you regardless. The saddest part about this for me is that you didn’t feel like you could come to me about this before now… that maybe I made you feel like I would judge you, or turn my back on you just because of who you wanted to be with. People judged me when Finn and I started dating. Did I ever tell you that?” Rey shook her head no. “It’s true. They told me musicians were bad news, especially drummers. Isn’t that silly?” Rose managed a smile, which in turn prompted one from Rey.

“Rey, you’re my best friend. Friends don’t  _ turn _ their backs. They  _ have _ each others backs. And I’ve got yours. Always.” With that, Rose pointed to the blueberry scone on the table in front of them. “But I am absolutely going to steal that from you if you don’t take a bite within the next five seconds.”

Rey smiled with a sniffle and picked up the scone. She took a tentative bite, just to appease Rose. It tasted so good, however, that she had scarfed down the entire thing before Rose had even taken two sips of her coffee.

“There she is!” Rose said with a giggle. “Welcome back, Rey-Jay! We missed you. Now, let’s talk about how we’re going to fix this.”

“Fix what?” Rey asked, and then took a sip of her tea to wash down the last of the scone.

“You and Kylo.”

Rey stared at Rose, eyes wide and eyebrows raised.

For the second time that day, Kylo was rudely awakened by a loud knocking at his door. He rolled over and placed a pillow over his head, hoping that if he ignored whoever it was, they would get the hint and go the fuck away. Alas, the knocking continued, and was soon followed by a voice.

“Boss?” Nate said from the other side of the door. “Kylo? It’s Nate. I’m worried about you, man. You’re not answering your phone.”

Kylo sighed deeply, and threw the pillow over his head to the floor.  He once again slid out of bed, still in his jeans from the day before, although he had discarded the t-shirt on his way back to bed earlier that morning. He opened the door, but didn’t say anything, just held it open so Nate could come inside.

“Sorry, man.” Nate said. “I called and texted, left several messages. I was over this way to drop Faz off at her place, so I figured I’d stop by and…”

“It’s fine, Nate.” Kylo said. He had walked to the sofa and was now lounging on it sideways, his feet propped up in front of him and his head on the arm rest. “I forgot to charge my phone. Actually, I don’t even know where the fuck it is right now. I’ll find it later.” He put his hand over his eyes and rubbed his temples. Why had he decided on a place with so many fucking windows? Ludicrously bright sunlight seemed to be shining in from every angle.

“Here, drink this. It will help with the headache.” Nate said as he handed Kylo a bottle of water he had taken from the fridge. “You’re dehydrated. Come on, you know that, man.” Kylo took the bottle of water from Nate and side-eyed him as he drank.

“Dude, you smell like yesterday’s shit.” Nate said as he flopped down in the chair opposite Kylo. “When have you showered?”

“So you’re my mother now?” Kylo shot back. “And… Saturday. I showered. I think.”

“Go shower, man.” Nate said. He didn’t want to be a nag but he needed Kylo as awake as possible to discuss the problem of the missing laptop and album tracks. They had to discuss it, as the rest of the band was starting to get nervous. “Clear your head, you know? We’ve got some shit we need to talk about, bro.”

Kylo sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the sofa. His arms rested on his knees, fingers laced, head down. He knew this conversation was going to have to happen, but he did not currently know how to have it. He rose from the sofa and headed for his bathroom. At least following Nate’s advice for a shower would allow him a little more time to think.

After Kylo exited the room, Nate sighed in relief and reached for his phone to text the rest of the band. At least Kylo was alive, and conscious, and somewhat willing to communicate. As he reached for his phone, Nate’s hand brushed against something underneath him in the chair. On instinct, he grabbed it and pulled it out. It was one of those express overnight document mailers, but it hadn’t been opened yet. Worried it might be something pertaining to the band, and having often acted at Kylo’s personal secretary in the past (not that he wanted to, mind you) Nate zipped the top open and took out the letter inside. It was from the Audi dealership that Kylo’s car came from. Shit. Kylo’s payment was overdue and they were threatening repossession if the money wasn’t received in fifteen days. With everything going on, Kylo must have forgotten.  Nate put the letter back in the cardboard envelope, laid it on the coffee table, and made a mental note to tell Kylo when he came out. He shook his head as he texted. When it rained, it poured.

When he’d sent the texts, Nate rose from his chair and started looking for Kylo’s phone. It was usually in one of three places - between the couch cushions, in his office, or somewhere on his bed.  The first two locations didn’t present any results so he walked into Kylo’s bedroom. He shook his head as he surveyed the damage from the last few days. The sheets were all but off the bed, hanging on by a single corner of the mattress. There were dirty dishes and glasses strewn around, and an empty vodka bottle lay on its side by the bed.  He’d give the housecleaning service a call later and have them come in once he managed to get Kylo out of the apartment again.

He walked around to the other side of the bed and found Kylo’s phone, which now lay partially underneath the edge of the bed on the floor. He picked it up, took it into the living room and plugged it into the charger beside the sofa. After a moment, the apple symbol lit up, and when the phone went to the lock screen, several messages and notifications began to come through.

Nate watched to see if anything important came up, when a text notification from Rey appeared. Nate smirked. So, Freckles was still talking to Kylo, huh?  After thinking for a moment, his smirk dissolved into a frown. This was not a distraction Kylo needed right now. He swiped his finger over the notification to clear it from the list. It wouldn’t delete the text altogether, but at least it would give Nate some time to bring Kylo to his senses.

In the master bath, Nate heard the shower door close. He placed Kylo’s phone on the side table and went to the kitchen to see what the boss man had to eat.

Rey and Rose walked out of the coffee shop and turned to head down the sidewalk. They had a few minutes to walk together before they would split into opposite directions - Rey to the studio and Rose to her morning class.

“Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic.” Rose said as she slung her bookbag over her shoulder. “But if you guys really have that amazing of a connection, it would be a shame not to at least try to work through this.”

Rey checked her phone one last time and frowned as she put it in her pocket.

“I’m willing to talk to him.” Rey replied to Rose. “I want to talk to him.” she sighed and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “I need to talk to him. But he’s not answering me.”

“When did you text him last?” Rose asked as they walked.

“Yesterday.” Rey answered. “I just sent the one text telling him we needed to talk. I don’t want to be that girl -- bombarding him with calls and texts.”

“I hardly think two texts in two days would be considered a bombardment.” Rose giggled. “Send him another one now.  Just be honest. Tell him you’re worried that he hasn’t answered you, and that you really hope you can get together to talk soon.”

“Or don’t.” A voice said behind them. “Better yet, just never text him or talk to him again.”

Rey and Rose both turned in the direction of the voice.

“Amanda.” Rey said, both incredulous and exasperated. “How in the hell did you…”

“He told you my name.” Amanda said with a smirk. “How sweet.”

“That’s not all he told me.” Rey retorted. Her voice was calm but held an unmistakable hint of sarcasm.

“I’ll bet” Amanda said, and took a small step towards Rey. “He had lots of fun with me. Until you came along.”

“Liar.” Rey said with a scoff. Off to the side, Rose looked as if she were watching a ping-pong match, her head swinging back and forth as each girl spoke, her eyebrows knitted, utterly confused as to what was transpiring between her best friend and this girl she had never seen before.

“Hmmm…” Amanda hummed as a grin turned up the corners of her mouth. “Guess he didn’t tell you everything, then.”

“Have you been following me?” Rey said, and took a step towards Amanda. Rose’s eyes widened. She had a bad feeling about this.

“Just keeping tabs on the bitch trying to move in on my man.” Amanda replied with another step forward.  Two more steps and she would be nose-to-nose with Rey. Rose reached down and nervously pulled the zipper tab on her book bag.

“Oh!” Rey exclaimed with a laugh. “Your man?” She rolled her eyes. “It’s kind of funny how your man was calling out my name the other night, isn’t it?”

It happened in a split second. Amanda lunged at Rey, but before she could lay hands on her, there was a bluish-white flash in front of her. Rey watched as Amanda yelped and flew backwards, landing flat on her ass on the sidewalk. Rey turned to see if Rose was ok, and was met with the visual of her best friend, personal security taser in her hand, it’s bluish current still sparking. Rey’s eyes widened and she stifled a laugh.

“Oh my god, Rose, did you…?”

“What?” Rose asked innocently, but her grin was far from innocent-looking. She took her finger off the trigger to silence the taser. “I carry it for self defense. Sooo…. I self-defensed. It’s non-lethal, obviously. In a minutes or two she’ll shake it off and be just...” Rose glanced past Rey to look at Amanda, but the girl was gone. “...fine.”

Rose and Rey look at the empty sidewalk, then back to each other. Rose shrugged.

“Bet you won’t have any more trouble out of her.” Rose said, her voice a little more smug than Rey was used to. Rey narrowed her eyes.

“I do not like the odds on that bet.”

_ Listen to: Joyride - Chevelle -  _ [ _ Spotify _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/3uJpLFPywddM2hhqgcgzfN)

The hot shower had helped to clear Kylo’s head, but had done nothing for his foul mood.  He returned to the living room to see Nate in front of the refrigerator. Kylo scoffed. Although he considered Nate his closest confidant, he knew that Nate was only in this for what he could get for himself. The fact that he pillaged Kylo’s kitchen and liquor cabinet every time he walked into the apartment served to remind him of that. He trusted Nate more than most, but would never trust him completely. He wasn’t sure he would ever trust anyone completely.

Trust. Rey’s hazel eyes grazed the back of his mind, but he pushed the memory away. She would never trust him again. 

“Found your phone, bro.” Nate called as he opened a container of left-overs, made a face, and tossed them in the garbage. “It’s plugged in by the sofa.”

Kylo glanced at his phone for a moment, and sighed as if he were already anticipating the disappointment it had in store for him. He picked it up and scrolled through the notifications that appeared. He wasn’t really surprised at what he found, or didn’t find.  What did surprise him was the bitter sadness that clutched the center of his chest and squeezed.

However foul Kylo’s mood had been before that moment, it blackened tenfold.  He threw his phone back onto the table with a loud clatter, which caused Nate to remove his head from the fridge and look over at him. Nate knew the notification Kylo had been anticipating, and briefly felt a pang of guilt for his friend before realizing that, right now, they all had to do what was best for the band.

“I texted the guys. We should all get together ASAP to discuss a game plan.” Nate said as he walked back into the living room, a small plate of leftover appetizers from Kylo’s birthday party in his hand. “We can fix this boss. We’ll figure it out. We’ve gotten through weirder stuff than this.” He sat down in the chair opposite of the sofa and popped a meatball in his mouth. “Remember that time we played the show in Tampa and Alex’s van broke down and we ended up meeting those girls on the beach the next day who gave us a ride?” he stopped and chuckled as if reminiscing about more than just a road trip. “That was one HELL of a ride… I’ll never live that down with Faz, though.”

Nate glanced up and the look on Kylo’s face was enough to stop Nate mid-chew. He had seen that look before. It never ended well for anyone nearby.

“Do you really think getting stranded for two days on the beach in fucking Florida compares to the loss of six months and tens of thousands of dollars of work, Nate?” Kylo seethed, and Nate shook his head softly from side to side before he even realized he was doing it. “The entire album is  _ gone _ .  And I cannot  _ wait _ to hear how you, in your infinite wisdom, propose we ‘fix this’, with only two weeks left until the deadline to enter Music Midtown.  No album, no entry. We are  _ fucked _ Nate!” he was yelling now, and Nate sat as quiet and still as a mouse caught in a viper’s stare. “Bullshit me all you want, but I know the fucking truth and so do you.” Nate was relieved when Kylo turned to head to the sofa.

“Ok, boss.” Nate said. His tone was peaceful, but Kylo could hear the underlying stress in his voice, and he was glad. Nate needed to be stressed. They all did. This was the worst-case scenario they were facing, and Kylo could see no light at the end of the tunnel. “But you owe it to the band to at least get together and tell…”

“I owe the band?” Kylo swung around, fists balled at his sides. “Who paid for every minute of studio time? Who secured us one of the best managers on the Atlanta scene? Who solidified contacts with YouTube and iTunes and Google?” He narrowed his eyes and nearly spat the words. “I don’t owe the band shit.” He lowered his head, and when he did, his eyes caught the overnight envelope on the coffee table. “What the fuck is this? Did you open my mail?”

“I…I accidentally sat on it when I came in. I…” Nate stuttered. “Just trying to be helpful, boss. You might want to look at it though.”

Kylo scowled at Nate as he ripped the letter out of the envelope. He stood and read it, and then read it again. His face morph from indifference to anger as he digested that not only his rent, but now his car payment had been overlooked by his mother’s administrative team. One of those he could understand and possibly even forgive, but both? He was about to toss the letter back to the coffee table when his mother’s voice echoed in his mind.

“ _ You have a choice, son. _ ” Leia had said to him. “ _ Be back at school for summer semester.... Or find another way to pay for all of this. _ ”

Had she…Had she done this on purpose?  To force his hand?

“Get out.” Kylo said. Nate looked at him inquisitively, not entirely sure if Kylo was speaking to him. That became abundantly clear when Kylo spun around and looked Nate dead in the eyes. “Get out!”

“Dude, I… we still need to…” Nate sputtered.

“NOW!” Kylo howled, and Nate jumped up from the chair and headed for the door without additional hesitation. Next thing he knew, he was on the other side of that door and staring as Kylo slammed it in his face.

“Fuck.” Nate whispered under his breath as he fished out his phone and headed for the elevator. This was going to be bad.

Real bad.

On the top floor of the Buckhead office building, Leia sat in a debriefing with two of the attorneys from her firm. Poe sat to her right, jotting down notes as the man and woman across the table recounted their trial experience from the day before, and brainstormed about what was to come.

Leia was distracted.  It wasn’t apparent to everyone in the room, but Poe could tell.  Her gaze kept turning to the window behind her co-workers, where she would stare for a few moments, eyes dark and somewhat sad. Every few minutes, she would either glance at her phone, or absentmindedly run her finger across the screen. It almost seemed like she was waiting for something, but Poe had Leia’s entire schedule for the week committed to memory, and as far as he knew, she had nothing pressing on her agenda.

At 10:14am, Leia’s phone buzzed, and her head snapped to focus on the screen.  It was Ben. Leia sighed and picked up her phone.

“I’m so sorry.” she interrupted the man across the table from her. “I have to take this.  Let’s take a short coffee break, shall we?” Poe frowned as Leia walked out into the hall and answered the call. He could not and would not ever understand Leia’s relationship with her obstinate son. It seemed the harder Ben (or Kylo, or whatever the hell he called himself) pushed against her, the harder Leia tried to pull him closer to her. Why didn’t she just let him go?  If Ben wanted so badly to be self-destructive and distant, why didn’t she just let him? Bigger things were at stake. Poe shook his head in disbelief and went to grab everyone fresh cups of coffee.

“Why are you doing this?” Kylo said on the other end of Leia’s phone. Leia lowered her head.  He had figured it out. For all of his shortcomings, Ben was incredibly smart. His mother just wished he would use that intelligence for better, more productive things.

“You act as if I didn’t give you a chance, son. Or a choice.” Leia replied. Her voice sounded tired.

“A chance?” Kylo retorted, his voice already raised enough so that passerbys could hear it through the tiny phone speaker.  Leia pressed the phone tighter to her ear. “It’s only been a week since you gave me that ultimatum, mother. What exactly was I supposed to do in a week?”

“A sign that you understood would have been a good start.” Leia told her son. “Something - anything to show me your intentions. You haven’t even spoken to me since the day I saw you last week. Registration for summer semester at Columbia closes in less than a month, Ben.  I’m assuming you haven’t applied?” There was silence on the other end.

“No, mother.” Kylo’s voice finally came from the other end. “I haven’t. I told you I have things to handle here in Atlanta before I can even consider going back to Columbia.”

“Ok.” Leia said in return. Kylo knew exactly what the tone of her voice meant in those two tiny syllables. She wasn’t backing down, and she was about to drop the hammer. “There’s just enough money left in your account to pay your rent and your car payment for this month. You might want to take care of those. I would suggest you ease up on your other extravagences so you’ll have enough money for food. Oh, and the application fee for Columbia is $150.  You’ll want to budget for that too. When your application is sent, let me know so I can give the registrar a call. I’ll pay for the semester, but nothing more, Ben. Nothing else.” She was about to press the end call button, but she could not help but add one last thing, even though she knew it was probably moot, given what she had just done. “I love you, son.”

Rey leaned up against the wall of the storage room at Red Five Music and took her phone out of her pocket.  She was supposed to be winding all the cables for storage, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not keep her mind on the task at hand. It bothered her. She loved her job and she didn’t want to let Walker down by being a slacker. But she absolutely could not take her mind off of Ben. Why hadn’t he answered her? She just could not believe that he didn’t want to talk to her, if the things he had said about how he felt about her were true.

Were they?

She stared at the screen on her phone for another moment and then unlocked it and went to her messages.

“Yes, I am AWARE payment is late. That’s why I’m calling to take care of it.” Kylo was pacing in his living room, cell phone to his ear. “What do you mean I don’t pay you? You’re the dealership I bought it from.” He listened for a moment and squeezed the bridge of his nose. “Ok, so what’s the number of the financing company? What? Wait, don’t put me on hold, I need…” He uttered a sound somewhere between a moan and a growl. Why in the fuck wasn’t anything ever easy? As he waited on hold, his phone chimed. He looked down at the screen.

It was Rey.

His heart sped up when he saw her name, but then dropped when he read the message.  It was obvious she was still upset.

**iMessage 1:03PM  
** \-----------------  
**Rey  
** __ Ben? Please answer me.  
__ I NEED to talk to you.  
\-----------------

**Kylo  
** __ What’s so urgent now?  
__ Haven’t heard from you  
__ in two days.  
\-----------------

**Rey  
** __ What?  
__ I texted you last night!  
\-----------------

Kylo scrolled up and saw her text. How had he missed that? He hadn’t seen a single notification for a text from her. It didn’t matter. He knew where this was going. He knew she had been too good to be true.

\-----------------  
**Kylo  
** __ What do you want, Rey?  
__ Stop dragging it out.  
__ Just tell me you’re breaking  
__ up with me and get it over with.  
\-----------------

Back in the storage room at Red Five, Rey shook her head back and forth, tears threatening to fall. This was not at all how she wanted this to go. She hated to be using text, but she couldn’t make a call right now. Walker was sitting just outside the door in the control room with a client. Regardless, it sounded like Ben didn’t really want to talk, anyway.

\-----------------  
**Rey  
** __ Ben, you don’t understand.  
__ Can you please meet me after work?  
\-----------------

**Kylo  
** __ I’ve got some shit going on, Rey.  
__ I can’t do this right now.  
\-----------------

A lone tear made its way down Rey’s cheek. So that was it, then. He was too busy to even discuss the possibility of seeing her. She didn’t know why she was so surprised at his reaction. This was her fault. She had fallen for him so hard and so fast. She had made the utterly idiotic decision to drink too much at his party, and then willingly fell into his bed. She had accused him so quickly the next day, without allowing herself a moment to think, or him a moment to explain. Now it was her turn to be left without a voice in the matter, and she saw how much it hurt.

She swiped the tear from her face and shoved her phone back in her pocket.

There was obviously no use in texting back.

Kylo stared at the banking app on his phone. His rent was now paid, his car payment was up to date, and he had precisely jack shit left in his account to last the remainder of the month.

The laptop was still MIA, they had no money to have Red Five music duplicate the tracks they had lost, and no time left to re-mix said tracks, even if they had them in their possession. The album was not going to happen. And neither was Music Midtown.

Worse than all of this, he had lost Rey.

He grabbed his keys and left his apartment, slamming the door behind him hard enough to shake the walls. As the setting sun painted the Atlanta sky in gentle shades of pink and orange, Kylo Ren peeled out of the parking deck, with precisely zero fucks left to give.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's destructive spiral leads him to a surprising place. Truths are told, and wounds are healed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter. It was incredibly, painfully hard to write. So much so, I rewrote it three times (hence the massive delay in posting). I felt that this was such an important, pivotal chapter, it needed to be perfect (or as close as I could get it). As always, your input and comments and kudos keep me going, so please feel free to share what you think. Thanks again to everyone!

_ Listen to:  Enjoy the Silence - Tori Amos -  _ [ _ Spotify _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/2ZIm4nE67GSmw1j8qZbRYC)

“Hey dude, this is your stop.” the Uber driver announced from the front seat.

Kylo stared at the driver, then out the back passenger-side window of the unfamiliar car. How had he…? When did…?

They were sitting in the back parking lot of Red Five Music, but Kylo did not remember calling an Uber. In fact, he had been driving his own car earlier that night.

“Where’s my car?” Kylo asked, and the driver turned his head to chuckle at the inebriated man in his back seat.

“No way the bartender was letting you drive, man. Your car is back at the strip club.” the driver recounted. “He called me, and made you tip me an extra twenty in case you puked in the car. Hey, I’ve got another pick-up, man. I don’t mean to be rude, but… can you get out now? We’ve been sitting here for five minutes.”

“This isn’t where I live.” Kylo said. The entire world was spinning around him, and he was starting to think that extra twenty in tip money might soon serve its purpose.

“This is the address you gave, man.” the driver shrugged. “Like I said, I have another pick-up. If you need to go to another address, you’re going to have to call another car. Sorry.”

Kylo opened the door and stumbled outside into the cool and damp early morning air. The driver backed up and exited the parking lot, leaving Kylo standing alone, desperately trying to figure out why he was there. The last few hours of his life were a hopeless, liquor soaked blur.

Without warning, his mind suddenly and cruelly flooded him with the memories of the last couple of days -- the very memories his activities of earlier that night were supposed to erase. He was broke, his band’s album was gone, his dreams were dying, and now he was standing in front of the apartment of the girl he had lost only 48 hours earlier. The only girl he had ever truly cared about. The only girl who had truly cared about him.

The ground beneath him would not be still, and his stomach lurched. Kylo stumbled to a crop of unkempt bushes overtaken by kudzu and hurled the last three hours of top-shelf cocktails into them. The motion of bending over to puke seemed to only make his surroundings spin faster, and his ass found the ground before he could right himself. Defeated, he sunk his head to his hands.

He needed to get home.

He shouldn’t be here.

Everything was ruined.

A nudge on his shoulder made him jump, startled from his self-loathing. He glanced up as far as his heavy eyelids would allow. He squinted his eyes as he tried to focus on the object in front of his face.  It was a hand. Holding a bottle of water. He stared at it as if it were trying to bestow the secrets of the universe upon him. He felt another hand grab his and place the open bottle in it. 

“Drink it.” a voice said, but he couldn’t make his hand cooperate. He thought of Rey at that moment, although he wasn’t sure why, and again at how life was so fucking cruel. He dropped his head with a sob. He heard a noise beside him, a sad sound. A sigh.

“Ben,” a voice in front of him said. His mother called him that. She refused to ever call him anything different.  _ ‘Ben Kenobi was a great man.’ _ Leia had told him when he was little, when he had asked about his namesake. _ ‘He was one of the last true, honest leaders of this city.’ _ Little Ben Solo had crawled into his mother’s lap at her huge hardwood desk in her vast study at his childhood home.  _ ‘He loved Atlanta. He brought hope to the people, Ben. He brought hope to me. And now I pass that love and hope on to you.’ _ she had kissed him on top of his unruly jet black hair before sending him off to play with a pat on the backside.

“Ben, drink the water. You need to rehydrate.” that voice in front of him said. The voice of an angel. Was it his mother? “We can’t sit out here all night. You need to get up.” The hand attached to the voice pushed the water bottle to his lips. He took a sip, but he gulped too fast and coughed and sputtered. “Why did you do this to yourself, huh?” The voice asked, but it was soft and kind, not accusatory. “What did you think this would solve?” And then there were fingers, combing his impossibly tangled hair back from his face and behind his ears. Through ebony strands he saw the face that spoke to him. His guardian angel.

“Rey?” he whispered. “Why are you here?” he asked, and his sincere surprise almost made her laugh.

“You’re outside my apartment, genius.” she shook her head, marveling at just how utterly smashed he was. “Drink another sip.” she said, and pushed the bottle back to his mouth. “Not so fast this time. Do you think you can stand up? The security cameras are recording every bit of this, you know?” 

Ben nodded, and Rey got up off the ground and held her hands out to him.

Getting Ben up the stairs to her apartment was about as easy as dragging a wet mattress up a fire escape. After she got him up off the ground (which resembled something out of a Monty Python skit), Rey placed his right arm around her shoulder and managed to get him inside the building to the bottom of the stairs.  That’s when the real fun began. Ten minutes, two breaks to rest and one short motivational talk later (which was more for herself than for Ben), they had made it inside her apartment.

Rey stood, arms crossed, staring at Ben with wide, tired eyes. It was 1am and she was exhausted, but she could tell already this night was far from over.  Ben sat, a crumpled mess on the floor, his back against the side of Rey’s bed. His long legs were drawn up in front of him, his head propped against his forearms which rested on the tops of his knees. He was so inebriated he would involuntarily sway to one side until his balance would try to kick in and he would right himself, only to sway in the opposite direction. Rey turned to walk to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

“Don’t go!” Ben said, but he raised his head too quickly and he lost his balance, nearly toppling over completely before catching himself with his right hand. His plea was so desperate that Rey stopped and sunk to the floor beside him.

“Ben.” she said softly, placing her hand on the side of his face.  His skin was too cool to the touch, and clammy. “I’m not going anywhere. Look at me.” He complied, looking up at her with unfocused eyes. “I’m not leaving you. I’m just going to go to the kitchen and make us some coffee.”

“Don’t go.” he said again, and haphazardly wrapped his arms around Rey’s body, burying his head in her lap. “Please.” She sighed at that last word and gave in, sitting back against her bed. They sat silently as she stroked his hair from his face with one hand and gently rubbed small soothing circles on his back with the other. Just when she thought he had drifted to sleep, he spoke.

“I’m so sorry.” he said, his voice so soft Rey could barely make out the words. She had just opened her mouth to tell him she was sorry too when he continued. “I loved him. You have to know that. I loved him so much. I miss him and I’m so sorry.” Rey just stared at the back of his head. She had a feeling she knew who he was talking about, but she didn’t want to pry in his current condition. “I know you’ll never forgive me.” he continued, his words slurred. “I know you’ll never love me again. Did you ever really love me?” Rey couldn’t take this anymore.

“Ben! Look at me!” she nearly shouted as she grabbed his shoulder and turned him back towards her. His eyes looked at her, but she didn’t know if he was truly seeing her. “It’s Rey. You’re with me now. Ok?” he nodded, but she wasn’t convinced. “Who am I?” she asked.

“Rey.” he repeated. He reached up to try and stroke a piece of caramel-colored hair that had fallen from her top bun, but his coordination was still far off and he nearly smacked her in the face. She took his large hand in hers and held it to her heart.

“I’m sorry too, Ben.” she said, and although she had promised herself she wouldn’t cry, tears began to pool in the bottom lids of her eyes. “I know you didn’t do anything wrong the other night. I overreacted. I remembered everything the day after, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions and I’m sorry I doubted you and I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. And I know you’re probably not going to remember a word of this tomorrow, but I’m going to say this anyway because I need to. I’m falling in love with you, Benjamin Henry Solo. I’m pissed as hell at you right now for doing this to yourself, but at least you’re here with me now. I’ll take care of you. You’re going to be ok.”

For a split second, Rey saw clarity in Ben’s expression. He looked at her, eyes clear and focused, and shook his head from side to side.

“No.” he said, and that single word held so much sorrow and fear. “It’s all gone to shit, Rey. The laptop is gone. The album is gone. And my mom…” he blanched and swallowed hard.  Uh oh. No, no, no! With lightning speed Rey pushed him off her lap and somehow miraculously managed to half-drag, half-walk him into her tiny bathroom before he hurled. 

If Rey had made a list of things she thought she would be doing during her relationship with Ben, this would not have been one of them. She stood behind him now, holding back his hair as he dry heaved into the toilet.  When he finally seemed to be done, and she felt him relax against her legs, she grabbed a clean washcloth, wet it with cold water, and placed it on the back of his neck. She sat on the edge of the tub and he leaned into her, his head pressed against her stomach.

As his breathing calmed, she slipped her arms around him and held him. She thought about what he’d said just before he’d nearly puked on her. The laptop was gone? And the album? Did he mean the Starkiller album? How could that be possible?  And what about his mother? Whatever it was, the prospect of all of it had been enough to momentarily sober him up, so it must have been serious. Was that why he had done this to himself?

When Rey had first heard a car pull up outside Red Five only an hour earlier that night, she had stayed in bed, but listened intently. The studio had an alarm system, and security cameras, but being a young, single woman living on top of a studio with nearly a million dollars of recording equipment had turned her into a bit of a watchdog. When the car sat for more than five minutes idling, Rey had opted to walk downstairs to take a peek at the security camera feed. When she saw Ben step out of the car, and how obviously inebriated he was (especially after he had tossed his cookies in the bushes), she had grabbed a bottle of water out of the mini fridge in the studio, turned off the alarm, and stepped outside without another thought. She hadn’t even put shoes on. She just knew she had to go to him. In a moment of arrogance that was very unlike her, she had assumed he had drunk himself silly over her,  because of their fight, and because he missed her. But now, Rey feared the situation was far more dire.

She leaned down and rested her cheek on the top of Ben’s head and hugged him close. She felt him raise his hands and place them over her arms, holding her even more closely against him. He mumbled something against her stomach, but she couldn’t understand him.

“Hmm?” she asked. She was so tired, it was hard to speak. He raised his head and looked up at her.

“I love you too.” he whispered.  She kissed him on the top of his head and for the first time since that night they’d spent together, Ben smiled.

_ Listen to: Blackbird - The Beatles -  _ [ _ Spotify _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/5jgFfDIR6FR0gvlA56Nakr)

Rey woke with a start, the sound of the alarm on her phone jerking her harshly and without warning from a dream she could not remember. Unable to move, she panicked for a moment until she remembered why. Sharing a twin bed with a 6’3” guy wasn’t exactly the most logistically sound idea she’d ever had, but it had been their only choice at the time. They had both somehow managed to sleep fitfully, and thankfully neither had ended up on the floor during the night. However, Rey was now completely squished against the wall, with Ben spooned behind her, his arms holding her tightly. Really tightly.

Rey managed to wrestle an arm free. She extended it above her head and, after a series of wild reaches, located her phone. She one-handedly disconnected it from the charger cord and silenced the alarm. She sighed at the sudden silence, Ben’s deep breathing against her hair the only thing audible. 

Now for the hard part. She tried unsuccessfully to untangle Ben’s arms from around her. She then tried to wriggle free, thinking she might be able to shimmy down and off the foot of the bed, but that didn’t work either.  She looked at the clock on her phone. She had about an hour before she was supposed to unlock the studio doors, and about another half hour after that before Walker would get to the studio. She grimaced. She didn’t want to, but she was going to have to wake Ben up.

Rey twisted her body inch by inch until she managed to flip over and face Ben. With her free hand, she reached up and raked his hair back from his face, tucking it gently behind his ear. She slowly grazed the upper ridge of his ear with her fingertip, and he stirred, but didn’t wake. He released his grip on her slightly in his slumber, and leaned back against the pillow they shared. Rey smiled, enchanted by this moment of solitudinous intimacy where she could marvel at him without either of them feeling nervous or awkward. She traced the curve of his ear down to his cheek. Her eyes darted over the landscape of his face, drinking in every detail. Every line, every mark, every freckle and mole, the majestic angle of his nose, the prominent cupid’s bow of his top lip -- they all came together in an almost artistic perfection that she slowly committed to memory as they lay in silence in the soft light of dawn.

She leaned in and began to kiss the marks on his face. A little cluster of three near his right ear was first (she was particularly fond of them), then she moved to the one on his right cheek, below the corner of his eye. The one above his lip was next, and then she moved to the other side.  She kissed the two above his left eyebrow, and then the one on his cheek, just beside his nose, and she paused there to kiss it on the very tip. She placed a lingering kiss on his lips, and when she drew back, she saw that his eyes were open. She grinned like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

“Good morning.” she said softly.

Ben was looking at her as if she were a mythical creature, as if he were still dreaming and Rey’s visage would soon evaporate with the reality of the day. He reached up and brushed the backs of his fingers against her cheek, which seemed to convince him that she was indeed there with him in that moment. His reaction, however, was far from what she expected as his face contorted and a sorrowful cry emanated from somewhere deep within him.

“Ben, what…?” Rey asked, but he was quickly too far gone for words. He brought his hands up to cover his face as he turned onto his side to sob in anguish against her pillow. Rey watched wide-eyed and confused as he fell apart in front of her, clueless as to how to proceed when she had no clue what was wrong. Seeing him like this was killing her.

She took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and leaned down and took Ben’s hands and pulled them away from his face. He resisted at first, but quickly relented as if he simply didn’t have the strength. Rey looked him directly in his eyes as she spoke.

“I know something has gone horribly wrong, Ben, and I know you’re angry, and I know you’re afraid. If you want to tell me what has happened, you can — whenever you’re ready. But I need you to understand something. Whatever it is, I am here. I am here  _ with _ you, and I am here  _ for _ you, and I am not going anywhere. Are we clear?” he pulled in a wavering breath and nodded. “That’s good.” she encouraged him. “Breathe. Just breathe.”

Rey pulled him to her and cradled his head against her chest. Her fingers ran up the length of his arm until she reached his shoulder, where the tattoo of the bird in flight lay in stark contrast to his pale skin. She traced the outline of it with her fingertip.

“Take these broken wings and learn to fly.” Ben said so softly it was barely a whisper.

“What?” Rey asked, not understanding.

“My tattoo. It’s a blackbird.” he continued, his voice hoarse from crying. “From the song by the Beatles.

_ ‘Blackbird singing in the dead of night.”  _ he sang softly, his voice muffled against her neck. _ “Take these broken wings and learn to fly.” _

“ _ All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise. _ ” Rey added. She knew the song. “ _ Blackbird fly. _ ”

Ben’s arms snaked around her and grasped her to him almost desperately. She could feel his tears and the heat of his skin through her thin nightshirt.

“My mother used to sing it to me when I was little.” he continued, but he choked up on the last word and nearly fell into sobs again.

“It’s ok.” Rey said softly, “It’s ok, baby, we don’t have to talk about that right now.”

“No.” Ben replied, insistent. “I need to talk about it. I need to talk about her. And my father. And all of it. I need to tell you. I need you to know!” The urgency in his voice concerned her. It was obvious he was at a tipping point. But if talking — if telling her would help, then she could at least be a gracious listener.

“Then tell me.” She said softly into his hair as she tried to soothe him with gentle strokes of her fingertips on his back.

Ben laid it all out for her in detail — his lonely childhood, the absence of his parents, how his mother had swept him aside in lieu of more important things. But when he would speak of his father his tone would change. They had had happy times together and it was obvious Ben took some comfort in those memories. He had looked up to and respected his father, that was clear to Rey in the way he spoke of Henry Solo. Ben’s father had supported him, had encouraged him, often times without the approval or even the knowledge of Ben’s mother. It was that rebelliousness that had bonded the two men, until…

“Almost a year ago,” Ben began, then paused to reflect. “God, has it really been that long?” Another pause, and he pulled in a wavering breath. “My mother planned this ridiculously huge surprise party for my dad’s birthday. He hated shit like that and she knew it but she did it anyway because she wanted an excuse to invite all her rich, important friends and political cronies so she could have her photo ops and…” he stopped, suddenly aware that he was ranting, and sighed. He was struggling again. Rey stroked at his hair as he willed himself to continue. “She had been on my ass for a solid month about it. She was terrified I was going to embarrass her, but she knew if I wasn’t there my dad would be upset, so instead she micromanaged every detail down to buying the clothes she wanted me to wear.”

“We had a gig in Tampa, Florida that same weekend. I had plenty of time to make it back before the party. Until Alex’s van broke down.  By the time we got back on the road to Atlanta it was too late. I wasn’t going to make the party. I called my dad and he was fine with it -- he understood that it wasn’t my fault. We even made plans to take the Mustang out when I got back into town, to go to dinner, or… something. Just the two of us.” Ben took his arms from around Rey, and rolled over on his back. Unwilling to allow him to break their connection, Rey slid her hand into his and grasped it tightly. He raised it to his mouth and ran the backs of her fingers across his lips in an almost absent minded fashion as he replayed the memories that were flooding his brain.

“I went over to their house the night I got back. The Mustang was already in the driveway. We almost made it out of the house... when my mother came home. She was furious. I hadn’t seen her that mad in a long time. She said I had bailed on the party just to make her look bad, after she had told everyone I would be there.” he scoffed, “What a load of bullshit. Like she would have breathed my name to anyone that was even remotely important to her. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t win with her. She was pissed that I didn’t show up - she would have been pissed if I did show up. Evidently my entire existence just pisses her off.”

“We fought. Not that that was unusual, but it was worse than usual. I lost my temper. I didn’t mean to, I… I was just so fed up. That night was supposed to be just me and dad, and… I admit it, I was an asshole. I called her some things I should never have said. Dad got angry at me, and for good reason. He yelled and me and I yelled back and…” Ben sat up suddenly, and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He rested his elbows on his knees, head bent.

“The doctors said he was likely dead before he even hit the floor. They said with his stress level and his refusal to take his blood pressure medicine, a heart attack was inevitable. It didn't have to be that night though. He might still be here, if I…” 

“No.” Rey said. She raised up on her knees behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “You cannot play the ‘what if’ game, Ben. You can’t blame yourself for this.”

“Why not?” he said, and his voice was cold and dripping with cynicism. “Even if I wasn’t the direct cause that night, which I was, the years of me and my mother at each other’s throats are probably what caused his health to spiral downhill anyway.”

“Ben, look at me.” Rey said. Her voice was soft but insistent. Ben turned slightly to face her as she sat back on her knees behind him.

“I don’t know about a lot of things, but I know about loss.” she explained. “I know what it’s like to lose a parent. Actually, I know what it’s like to lose two. I was much younger than you, but that didn’t make the pain any less or any different. And believe it or not, I felt guilty too. I felt guilty for not being in the car when they died.  I thought maybe if I had of been there, I could have prevented it somehow, or maybe me just being there would have changed things enough so that the accident wouldn’t have happened. I held on to that for a long time, Ben. Then one day, a few months ago, Walker and I were in the studio together. It was the anniversary of the accident. Walker could tell something was wrong and I still don’t know why, but I told him about what had happened. And do you know what he said to me?”

Ben shook his head as he stared at her, their eyes locked, bonded in the moment by their shared sadness and regret.

“He asked me if my parents were standing in that room with me right then, what would they have said to me. It caught me off guard, but he told me not to answer until I had thought about it. And so I did. I thought about it all day. Right before I clocked out that afternoon, I had an answer.”

“They would have wanted me to be happy. I know that above all else. They also would have told me to let go of the guilt and the sadness that was holding me back. They would have told me to seek happiness and love.”

“Ben, what would your dad tell you if he was standing here right now?”

Ben turned back to face away from her and shook his head slowly. He had never considered it, really, what his father would have wanted for him. He had been so immersed in his guilt, and trying to distract himself with his music…

“He would tell me it wasn’t my fault, but then in the same breath he would tell me to stop feeling so damn sorry for myself.” he chuckled slightly, as if he had actually heard the tone of his father’s voice. “He would tell me to end this buillshit feud with my mother. He would say the same thing to her too. He would remind us we’re all the family that we have left. And he would tell me…” he raked his hand back through his hair, “he would tell me not to give up.”

“Give up on what?” Rey asked. 

“The album, Rey. It’s gone.” Ben rose from the bed and began to pace. “The laptop that the completed tracks and all the files were on was stolen from my apartment the night of the party. The backups too. Gone. All gone. Even if we had time to remix the tracks before the deadline, I…” he paused and looked up at Rey. His mind went back to the night of their first date and how he had wondered why such a perfect girl was sitting across from him, and how he had promised himself he’d give her everything one day. Now, he had nothing to give her, other than himself and the truth. “I’m broke, Rey. I’m out of money so I can’t afford any more studio time. It’s a long story, but my mother is angry with me for not going back to school so she…” he paused, trying to decide how to word what he wanted to say.

“She stopped giving you money?” Rey asked, but there was concern in her voice, not condescension. So that’s how he had afforded the apartment, and the car, and the studio time. But honestly, what did it matter? Now, with it all ripped away, here he was, laid bare before her, distraught and panicked, and desperate for help. Ben nodded, but dropped his gaze. He looked humiliated.

“Ben, we still have copies of all of the tracks we recorded here.” Rey said. “We can remix those, you and me. After hours.”

“And what’s Walker going to say about that?” Ben asked. He was still pacing.

“I’ll take care of that.” Rey said. “Don’t worry, I’ll work it out with him. I can be… very convincing when I want something.” She shot him a look, hoping it would distract him. It worked.

“Yeah.” Ben said, and for the first time that morning, something that resembled the smile Rey adored appeared. “I know.” He paused, and the grin vanished. “But it’s not nearly enough. We only recorded four tracks here. Alex has the raw tracks for three more on his laptop, which will have to be remixed, but seven tracks, even if by some miracle we can get them completed, isn’t enough for an album.”

“So you release an extended EP.” Rey suggested. “Add some live tracks from some of your shows. I know it’s not what you wanted, but the fans will love it!”

Ben stopped pacing and stared at her.

“That’s not a bad idea.” he said. Rey grinned as she saw the light returned to his eyes.  She patted the bed beside her. 

“I have my moments. Now can you come here and let me enjoy your company for the next few minutes before I have to get ready for work?”

He walked to the bed and bent to kiss her, but just before their lips met, he halted and moved back.

“I’m pretty sure kissing you right now would be a disaster for everyone involved.” he said as he put his hand in front of his mouth and huffed a breath against it, then winced. Rey rolled her eyes.

“There’s a new toothbrush still in the pack in the left bottom drawer next to the sink. It’s all yours. Just pop it in the holder when you’re done. Toothpaste is in the medicine cabinet.” she instructed, and rose from the bed. “I’ll make coffee. But then, I want a few minutes with you.” she turned around to give him “finger guns”, but he was staring at her with a look that caught her off guard. He looked surprised, and… something else. “What?” Rey asked.

“Did you just give me toothbrush privileges?” he asked, a goofy smile on his face.

“What?” Rey asked, her voice high with amused confusion.

“Nothing.” he said with a chuckle, and turned to enter the bathroom. “Make that coffee extra strong!” he added before he shut the door behind him.


End file.
